Hug goodbye.

[Tony Ramirez]

I got to hang out with this woman Tracy again from Church after during the coffee hour. She is single. No I still not did not exchange numbers with her. But after we chatted for a while after I helped her clean up she gave me a hug goodbye and smiled at me. I don't know what to think about that.

 

[Alexej]

It certainly is a good thing, so make a point of saying Hi to her next time you meet. Even suggest another coffee meeting

 

[Aspychata]

Don't think too much about it. Just smile, when you think about it. Smiling makes us so much more attractive. I constantly remind myself to smile.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Thanks. I just wasn't expecting a hug from her. I really never gotten that from a woman except my family members.

 

[All-Rounder]

She cares about you, maybe thinks you need a hug, so she wanted to hug you. Did you talk about something sad in your life?

Oh, it's a coffee outing? Interesting. Maybe it means you're friends now. Friends hug each other when they leave. It also shows a degree of respect to not stand up and leave on a date and maybe reassure the person all is good.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

No I said my life is going great. I asked about her week and she said it was up and down. She was depressed.

 

[All-Rounder]

It might help her when she talks about her day, maybe that made her happy you listened to her.

 

[kenaij]

No I said my life is going great. I asked about her week and she said it was up and down. She was depressed.

That was a very good thing of you to do. You made that moment about her. I think it is very likely that she gave you the hug because you were a person she could talk to and you listened to her. Didn`t make it about you.
For other people that is a really good sign that you are someone that will bring value to their live.
Stay open towards her. No matter the outcome. This could possibly be a very nice step for you towards a relationship with a person that is not family.
See if you can get a couple more moments like this with her. You can also tell her something about what you like. Try and bring up one of her ups from this conversation so she knows you listened. (better to pick an up than a down because she might have moved past the down and you don`t want to get her back in it)
Keep us updated on how it goes.
Who knows. Maybe a couple moments like this with her could evolve to a meeting/date outside of church.

But most of all. Keep this as a positive memory. You might not really know what the hug means. But I can tell you really enjoyed your time with her.

 

[AdamG]

@Tony Ramirez in my experience, it means she likes you and feels comfortable around you. Some people are huggers, and try not to read anything into it other than just that.
.
I think it is great that you are making friends with people in your life, you are doing fantastic. Keep on doing what you are doing.

 

[Gerontius]

Tracy sounds nice and you are doing nice things for her by being there for her when she's depressed for a while. You sir are doing a gentlemanly thing and the world is better for it.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Thanks. She is very friendly. She is a good hearted person. I would like to get to know her more but I am still afraid to ask for her number especially after the sudden hug.

 

[Gerontius]

Thanks. She is very friendly. She is a good hearted person. I would like to get to know her more but I am still afraid to ask for her number especially after the sudden hug.

The next time you see her, and you will, please do go-ahead and ask if she'd like to exchange telephone numbers.

You are a nicer man every week showing more nice things about how you are becoming, losing weight which means you are really taking care of yourself, handsome to look at, and kind to animals - I think also your struggles with depression are a strength for helping Tracy with her own problems.

She may like having a nice strong man to talk with.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

She likes you! Now YOU NEED TO SEAL THE DEAL!!! Next time you see her, ask her for her number and give her yours. You can tell her that you wanted to thank her for the nice time but did not have her number. Find out her interests and ask her for a date. You are in NYC for chrissakes. Every couple of years I need a trip to New York or Chicago for a cultural fix. This October I have tickets to a Sondheim Musical "Merrily We Roll Along" with Daniel Radcliff as the lead. Word is he has developed into a fine actor on stage. Plus we always check out what hot tix are available at Times Square. I also think a stroll on the High Line can lead to some nice discussions.

Please, please, please, get her number and learn to follow up! After your interaction, you know you are accepted and now is the time to let her know of your feelings. Feeling accepted is crucial to being able to be vulnerable to another person. I felt so accepted by my future spouse that professing my love to her was natural.

 

[tree]

She is very friendly. She is a good hearted person. I would like to get to know her more but I am still afraid to ask for her number especially after the sudden hug.

It's not a sin to allow a friendship to develop
at a pace that is comfortable for you.

What I am saying is that there's no need to feel
pressured. She doesn't seem to be going away.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Thanks. She is very friendly. She is a good hearted person. I would like to get to know her more but I am still afraid to ask for her number especially after the sudden hug.

Her sudden hug was such a clear message of acceptance that you need to know that she is open to you. It is up to you now to be clear in wanting to know her better. You are doing so well now that exchanging numbers is the next step. Now, start thinking about the date that you will ask her out on.

The first hugs with my future spouse were blissful.

 

[Aspychata]

Take this at your own speed. The journey is always important. You want to be with someone because you truly like them, not simply because you must snag a relationship. You can simply say "do you want to exchange phone numbers?:

 

[kenaij]

It's funny how opinions can differ so much. Many of the posters here suggest asking for her number. Personally I wouldn't yet and just hang out after church and talk some more.
To me, if you ask for her number or out on a date right now it could very well scare her away. She was vulnerable to you, asking for her number of date right away could make it seem like you want to take advantage of someone that is in a low place.

Of course it is up to you. And you can feel the situation better then me because you are actually there and I`m not. But I would just go up to her next time at church and see if she wants to get a coffee again after. Same setting as last time. And you tell her you enjoyed it. It might be a really safe space for her. You get the interaction without risking sending a wrong message.
If she opens up to you about personal things again. Give her YOUR number and tell her if she ever just wants to vent her feelings she can call you. You leave the ball in her park while simultaneously showing you are a good person to her. This gives her the time and freedom to reply whenever she feels ready. Or maybe she will give you her number right away.
It might seem very odd to work your way around getting her number. But we are talking about a person who you assume is depressed. Depressed people scare away easily from situations.

We have had our interactions in the past on this forum, but I really do want this to be a good experience for you. I would hate to see it go away because you might have rushed things. You don`t have to crawl, but you don`t have to run either.

 

[Rodafina]

Tony,
I would suggest not worrying about the pattern of getting a phone number and a coffee date. You have spoken about and worried about these things so many times that there is enormous pressure.

Just focus on the person and being present when you are with her (not thinking about the next step all the time).

If you think of something fun that you would like to do with her, just ask. That’s what friends do. Then getting phone numbers is a natural progression because it’s easier to meet up with each other’s phone number.

Ideas for spending time together…

Go for a walk somewhere interesting.

Invite her to see something about your city that is amazing or beautiful to you.

---

It’s about spending time with another human, not seeing your future together.

 

[All-Rounder]

Tony,
I would suggest not worrying about the pattern of getting a phone number and a coffee date. You have spoken about and worried about these things so many times that there is enormous pressure.

Just focus on the person and being present when you are with her (not thinking about the next step all the time).

If you think of something fun that you would like to do with her, just ask. That’s what friends do. Then getting phone numbers is a natural progression because it’s easier to meet up with each other’s phone number.

Ideas for spending time together…

Go for a walk somewhere interesting.

Invite her to see something about your city that is amazing or beautiful to you.

---

It’s about spending time with another human, not seeing your future together.

This is in accordance with professional advice. If you focus on a goal like that, it can be harder. I also think not rushing things to scare the person off or make her uncomfortable after you have managed to make a positive impression would be better. Earning someone's trust and comfort is important before a next step. Let her and you get used to the dates before anything more.

I know you might be feeling excited because it's the first time, and you're thinking about all the next steps, but taking your time and going a comfortable pace pays off and will allow you to learn more about the person.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Thank you all so much for all you advice but I agree with what @kenaij, @Rodafina and @All-Rounder said. I am taking it slow with her. I never had a woman even show me any interest even as a friend so it's still new too me.