How To Stop Wanting Relationships

[KevinMao133]

Whenever I think of the word relationship, it pains me as my mind goes into overdrive and I’m stressed beyond relief

I’m happy being single and I’m goal driven but a part of me wishes I can experience being in a relationship. A part of me feel like I’m missing out

Anyways, I guess the question is how to stop wanting to be in a relationship? Like I wish the thought can die so I’m more focused, more psychotic if you will, though I don’t like that word

 

[Tired]

Whenever I see "I am [something] but...", this "but" often means than no, you aren't something. In your case you don't seem to be happy being single, because you often here write about relationship and women. The only thing I can suggest is to have more hobbies on which you can spend your free time. More time spent on something that interests you - less time you'll spend thinking "what if" and "if only." You can also try to practice mindfulness.

 

[paloftoon]

Well, the idea of a relationship is up to the individual (or possibly family controlling their children because of culture and personality.). There are a small number of asexual people. Most people desire a relationship because most humans have that animal instinct to desire a combination of physical and emotional desires. If the physical desires are not a big deal to you, then certainly I do not feel you would be missing out on having or not having a relationship, and just building platonic friendships would be enough.

If you desire physicality but no commitment, then you are essentially desiring hookups or fwbs. It's hard to find a true fwb, and while they exist in the straight world, I think it's within many smaller circles and spaces than in the lgbt world, and more prevalent among males, generally speaking.

A lot of humans are cruel in this world- and that can be a turn off to things that are of a physical nature.

 

[Aspychata]

For me, relationships represent money that isn't available for makeup, clothes to look presentable. Hair styling products can be expensive also. So financially, it dosen't seem like a good choice. l prefer to put my discretionary cash in the stock market or repairing my home. Maybe if you can break it down into expenses needed, going out for dates, gas needed, you can see why so many women can find it hard to date also. My partner takes me out to eat all the time, this does add up, but we both enjoy trying different places.

 

[Judge]

Anyways, I guess the question is how to stop wanting to be in a relationship?

Don't. Use the rationale that you haven't yet had one to determine it's something that doesn't work for you.

Then after a handful of failed relationships at the age of say, 49 you can decide to give up on the idea knowing you tried. No, I'm not trying to be funny. It's just the story of MY life.

But you? You still have plenty of time left to figure this out.

 

[Tired]

Then after a handful of failed relationships at the age of say, 49 you can decide to give up on the idea knowing you tried.

No-no, I found the boyfriend here, and he was 49 at the moment, and he was thinking about giving up, so move the age plank higher!

 

[Judge]

No-no, I found the boyfriend here, and he was 49 at the moment, and he was thinking about giving up, so move the age plank higher!

Wait until his next birthday when the two of you can celebrate and laugh about it.

 

[Tired]

Wait until his next birthday when the two of you can celebrate and laugh about it.

He had one already, he's 50, we did laugh heh

 

[thejuice]

Relationships make you fat. Be single and thin.

 

[AprilR]

I can relate to feeling like you have to catch up. I used to feel that way too and went on dates with several people. But in the end felt nothing for them and would definitely not want a relationship with them.

Relationships are too hard. Whenever i think of relationships i think of all the expectations people have of each other, and prejudices against autistic people which depresses me tbh. Thinking of my own parents' relationship which is not horrible per se, but not something i would ever want. Those are what made me stop feeling like i am "missing out. " There is nothing there to miss, at least for me. Though i am not sure if it will help you.

 

[Aspychata]

That's the hard truth @AprilR , and a lot of us refuse to admit it or are in denial about this. There are so many parameters that have to be in place, for relationships to work out.

 

[Judge]

That's the hard truth @AprilR , and a lot of us refuse to admit it or are in denial about this. There are so many parameters that have to be in place, for relationships to work out.

So much fuss about dating, but when you have a relationship with someone and you share the same roof and bed, it becomes much more complex. And it can take a lot of energy to sustain.

 

[AprilR]

That's the hard truth @AprilR , and a lot of us refuse to admit it or are in denial about this. There are so many parameters that have to be in place, for relationships to work out.

Exactly. It is very complicated, i see things my friends put up with in their marriages, and it is not for me, If even normal people have this much difficulty

 

[Misty Avich]

It's one of those awkward situations where most people see it as black and white and will say, "if you want to then do it." But it's not always as easy as that.
Like when I was younger I used to beat myself up for not going clubbing like all my peers were (even other Aspies). So people were like "well if you want to go clubbing so much then go", but it wasn't that I really wanted to, I just felt that I should because everyone else was. Going out partying and getting drunk when young seems to be like a milestone that like a vast majority of the population do. But if only like less than half of young people went out partying or clubbing and drinking, I probably wouldn't feel so guilty for not going myself. It was just a predicament. So I think the OP might be having the same predicament regarding relationships, where he wants one sort of yet doesn't at the same time.

 

[Aspychata]

The other thing is when the prospective date sees your complications and drags out the dating period when they have zero intentions of creating anything more with you, that can then feel hurtful. I sorta of floundered around with that sort of scenario playing out with the last long-term relationship l was in. You can't just date half of someone, and claim you are their good friend.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

yeah, this is another reminder on how nature has always been cruel, in which it programs us humans to have an instinctive natural primal, biological urge to want to have a mate, sexual relationships, companionship, relationships. It fills me with a lot of resentment that the world has to be that way. Because even special needs people have those instinctive urges or wants, and obviously being special needs is going to make it much more harder.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

It's one of those awkward situations where most people see it as black and white and will say, "if you want to then do it." But it's not always as easy as that.
Like when I was younger I used to beat myself up for not going clubbing like all my peers were (even other Aspies). So people were like "well if you want to go clubbing so much then go", but it wasn't that I really wanted to, I just felt that I should because everyone else was.

These seem like different situations, if you didn't want to. Mostly people give that response when someone talks constantly about wanting something, but makes no effort to do that thing.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

yeah, this is another reminder on how nature has always been cruel, in which it programs us humans to have an instinctive natural primal, biological urge to want to have a mate, sexual relationships, companionship, relationships. It fills me with a lot of resentment that the world has to be that way. Because even special needs people have those instinctive urges or wants, and obviously being special needs is going to make it much more harder.

What makes it harder?

 

[Zain]

yeah, this is another reminder on how nature has always been cruel, in which it programs us humans to have an instinctive natural primal, biological urge to want to have a mate, sexual relationships, companionship, relationships. It fills me with a lot of resentment that the world has to be that way. Because even special needs people have those instinctive urges or wants, and obviously being special needs is going to make it much more harder.

As well as that, according to nature, most men are meant to be expendable and are not meant to reproduce. Someone like me is not meant to exist, shown by how much pain I've suffered from loneliness and ostracism.

 

[thejuice]

I can relate to feeling like you have to catch up. I used to feel that way too and went on dates with several people. But in the end felt nothing for them and would definitely not want a relationship with them.

Relationships are too hard. Whenever i think of relationships i think of all the expectations people have of each other, and prejudices against autistic people which depresses me tbh. Thinking of my own parents' relationship which is not horrible per se, but not something i would ever want. Those are what made me stop feeling like i am "missing out. " There is nothing there to miss, at least for me. Though i am not sure if it will help you.

I think if one doesn't look like smeagle or jabba the hut and they still haven't had a relationship, my theory is on some level it's probably because they know it won't work and they're living a life that suits them i.e not under a nuerotypical's thumb.