How to stay in touch???

[cberg]

I'm at a loss on this point. I know plenty of women who have been great friends to me. My shyness & all of our social anxiety has taken a toll through. I need to come up with better ways to get together more.

I think NTs have a lot of anxiety about us the same way we do about them. How can I share some of my ways around it?

 

[paloftoon]

Try to find ways to conquer your own fears of "failing" and accept as best as you can that you will make mistakes.

If you can find ways to conquer your social anxiety, then that is how you would be able to share your ways around it. Look for social anxiety support groups and stick to getting to know people in small groups. meetup.com is based on interests, so you can try so that you and the other person have something to work with together already.

 

[Fino]

Are you asking about how to see your friends more?

With a few of my friends, we have a group chat and see a concert every couple months.
Another few, we have a group chat and go to Downtown Disney every couple months.
Another friend, I text almost every day.
Another friend, we choose some random thing to do, like rock climbing, each time he visits from San Francisco.

And that's all my friends.
Maybe you can start something along that line of thinking?

If I misunderstood the post, since I feel a tad unsure, then I'm sorry and ignore me!

 

[cberg]

I have to do a lot of that every day, I'm trying to think of how to introduce the subject of ASD/NT relations to my female friends so we can all take our time examining the concept instead of avoiding each other out of anxiety.

More than shared interests, I'm just trying to do this for everyone's sanity. I want to point out that I'm aware of the root causes of our miscommunication.

 

[cberg]

I'm trying to be more agreeable with female friends so they're comfortable enough to do the same thing I'm trying to. I don't spend enough time with them to make anyone aware of how I feel or what we can do together.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

I'm a little confused as to what you're asking... do you mean you feel that your friendships are suffering due to your ASD? And so you want to talk to them about it to explain what you thing is causing the problems and maybe come up with a solution with them? If so simply sitting down with them and explain that you are autistic and how this effects you and your relationships should do it.

You specifically mention female friends, do you not have issues with your male friends? Do you know why that is?

 

[cberg]

The same problem is distancing me from everyone but I get the impression ladies are more paranoid about this. I wish they knew that their silence translates in my mind to "go away". I'm so used to all of us needing space that I can't tell when or how to reach out at all.

I know someone who deserves better than that from me. That or I've been lied to & everyone really does want me to stay away usually.

I need them to know that I'm a million times more anxious than I should be but it doesn't mean I don't love them.

 

[cberg]

I think most women in my life worry about walking around eggshells around me. It's kind of like their empathic response to my anxiety is to mirror it entirely. That's on top of their own anxiety, the easy way out for any of us is to simply act like I'm absolutely asexual or antisocial, I'm not really sure which.