How to fix things with my family post-meltdown

[WereBear]

Ironically, the drinking was sort of an attempt to avoid melting down. My goal was to stop feeling for a few
hours so I don't explode, because the last couple of weeks are the hardest I've been through since that psych hospital

Likewise, I have learned that my urge to have more than the usual ONE drink (or two spaced far apart) is another sign I am being overwhelmed in some way.

Once I started paying attention to such cues, I got a lot better at understanding what is going on with me.

 

[janie]

self regulation: meltdown::
balance: fall

a balance beam
my balance beam

no gymnast i
plod across the ground

yet

some days i trod its length without a stumble
i even nail the dismount some purple hours

likewise
other days

i thunderclap warp on the floor
sans leotard or net
a funambulist's demise

i grieve your experience
i do not know how to make it better
beyond what others here shared

time has molded
a hidden cove
inside me
a safe
sheltered bay
where i lie
under a tangerine sky
and surrender
acceptance

i tide
graceful dismounts from high beams
and crash planes low

 

[MaybeNotWhoKnows]

I have made myself pay attention to when I am approaching a overload state. Since then, I get more clues, like visual or audio distortions, or a sense of paranoia. This is my cue to cut off whatever is going on and get to a place with low sensory input.

This is a feedback training state, which is reversing the lessons of my whole life, which is: suppress, conform, shut up, put up with it.

I can usually tell when I am approaching overload stage. My problem however, is that I do not tend to try too hard to manage it unless it risks exploding at other people. I have always put so much energy toward seeming ok/normal/competent etc. because I learned that not doing so results in pain that is much more acute than the creeping discomfort of stuffing it all down.

 

[Tobs]

I used to be able to have meltdowns in front of my ex. I still can in front of my 2 friends. But they never ask me to explain what's going on or provide any sensory overload. They just let me sob and think to myself in the corner of the room until the ride is over. And then we talk. They've learned that if they don't let me be I just leave. I think it's very sweet of them.

Any other people, I just internalize the whole thing. Calm on the surface, whirlwind on the inside. And then deal with it when I'm home.

But the only way you'll find your personal limitations is by experiencing them. Don't be afraid or shameful. Just like any "normal" human being, we gotta figure out how to deal with ourselves and how we want others to treat us. But that's not just a matter of what you want, but also of what you need. (which, to be honest is a lot more difficult to figure out). The most difficult part lies in creating mutual understanding of the differences. Often, things that on the surface look similar really have very different underlying reasons or definitions.

 

[MaybeNotWhoKnows]

I used to be able to have meltdowns in front of my ex. I still can in front of my 2 friends. But they never ask me to explain what's going on or provide any sensory overload. They just let me sob and think to myself in the corner of the room until the ride is over. And then we talk. They've learned that if they don't let me be I just leave. I think it's very sweet of them.

Any other people, I just internalize the whole thing. Calm on the surface, whirlwind on the inside. And then deal with it when I'm home.

But the only way you'll find your personal limitations is by experiencing them. Don't be afraid or shameful. Just like any "normal" human being, we gotta figure out how to deal with ourselves and how we want others to treat us. But that's not just a matter of what you want, but also of what you need. (which, to be honest is a lot more difficult to figure out). The most difficult part lies in creating mutual understanding of the differences. Often, things that on the surface look similar really have very different underlying reasons or definitions.

I can not imagine that kind of freedom. I mean anybody close to me is going to witness a meltdown. most people have not handled it well. I am always terrified that I will go too far and push away the people I care about. I can't even count how many times that has happened. Though that probably has a lot to do with the fact that nobody ever knew this was a thing. It is all so confusing and scary. I internalize anything up to an intensity level of maybe 7 out of ten, then It will spill out over everyone. I just need more practice now that I have this knowledge. Thank you.

 

[Tobs]

Yeah. It wasn't always like that. It's just that I've decided on and practiced how I want to deal with that situation. I've never done any halucinogens nor intend to(I always say, "My brain is weird enough by itself."), but I've been told, one should accept the experience instead of trying to fight it for control.

To me, a meltdown is much the same thing. I let the whirlpool continue and focus only on maintaining an outer calm, rather than force myself to actually be calm. And then there's one of my best friends' voice reminding me to take a deep breath. A vivid auditory memory from a time he calmed me down. The whirlpool can't go on forever. At some point it loses momentum - for me, it's when I've thought the same cycle of thoughts 3 times without any new considerations being inserted - and I decide on a conclusion.

I'm not saying this will work for you. You might have to find your own way to cope with it. I'm emotionally rather weird. 6-12 I was on ritalin on a misdiagnosis ADHD, emotionally rather flattening. And since I stopped I've been slowly un-numbing which has caused quite a few unique experiences I had no idea how to cope with. Nowadays I have a vague idea of what my feelings are at all times. Unless something significant happens in which case it becomes painfully existant.