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Featured How to fix things with my family post-meltdown

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by MaybeNotWhoKnows, Nov 22, 2017.

  1. WereBear

    WereBear License to Weird V.I.P Member

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    Likewise, I have learned that my urge to have more than the usual ONE drink (or two spaced far apart) is another sign I am being overwhelmed in some way.

    Once I started paying attention to such cues, I got a lot better at understanding what is going on with me.
     
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  2. janie

    janie Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    self regulation: meltdown::
    balance: fall

    a balance beam
    my balance beam

    no gymnast i
    plod across the ground

    yet

    some days i trod its length without a stumble
    i even nail the dismount some purple hours

    likewise
    other days

    i thunderclap warp on the floor
    sans leotard or net
    a funambulist's demise

    i grieve your experience
    i do not know how to make it better
    beyond what others here shared

    time has molded
    a hidden cove
    inside me
    a safe
    sheltered bay
    where i lie
    under a tangerine sky
    and surrender
    acceptance

    i tide
    graceful dismounts from high beams
    and crash planes low
     
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  3. MaybeNotWhoKnows

    MaybeNotWhoKnows Active Member

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    I can usually tell when I am approaching overload stage. My problem however, is that I do not tend to try too hard to manage it unless it risks exploding at other people. I have always put so much energy toward seeming ok/normal/competent etc. because I learned that not doing so results in pain that is much more acute than the creeping discomfort of stuffing it all down.
     
  4. Tobs

    Tobs Member

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    I used to be able to have meltdowns in front of my ex. I still can in front of my 2 friends. But they never ask me to explain what's going on or provide any sensory overload. They just let me sob and think to myself in the corner of the room until the ride is over. And then we talk. They've learned that if they don't let me be I just leave. I think it's very sweet of them.

    Any other people, I just internalize the whole thing. Calm on the surface, whirlwind on the inside. And then deal with it when I'm home.

    But the only way you'll find your personal limitations is by experiencing them. Don't be afraid or shameful. Just like any "normal" human being, we gotta figure out how to deal with ourselves and how we want others to treat us. But that's not just a matter of what you want, but also of what you need. (which, to be honest is a lot more difficult to figure out). The most difficult part lies in creating mutual understanding of the differences. Often, things that on the surface look similar really have very different underlying reasons or definitions.
     
  5. MaybeNotWhoKnows

    MaybeNotWhoKnows Active Member

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    I can not imagine that kind of freedom. I mean anybody close to me is going to witness a meltdown. most people have not handled it well. I am always terrified that I will go too far and push away the people I care about. I can't even count how many times that has happened. Though that probably has a lot to do with the fact that nobody ever knew this was a thing. It is all so confusing and scary. I internalize anything up to an intensity level of maybe 7 out of ten, then It will spill out over everyone. I just need more practice now that I have this knowledge. Thank you.
     
  6. Tobs

    Tobs Member

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    Yeah. It wasn't always like that. It's just that I've decided on and practiced how I want to deal with that situation. I've never done any halucinogens nor intend to(I always say, "My brain is weird enough by itself."), but I've been told, one should accept the experience instead of trying to fight it for control.

    To me, a meltdown is much the same thing. I let the whirlpool continue and focus only on maintaining an outer calm, rather than force myself to actually be calm. And then there's one of my best friends' voice reminding me to take a deep breath. A vivid auditory memory from a time he calmed me down. The whirlpool can't go on forever. At some point it loses momentum - for me, it's when I've thought the same cycle of thoughts 3 times without any new considerations being inserted - and I decide on a conclusion.

    I'm not saying this will work for you. You might have to find your own way to cope with it. I'm emotionally rather weird. 6-12 I was on ritalin on a misdiagnosis ADHD, emotionally rather flattening. And since I stopped I've been slowly un-numbing which has caused quite a few unique experiences I had no idea how to cope with. Nowadays I have a vague idea of what my feelings are at all times. Unless something significant happens in which case it becomes painfully existant.