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How to become better at being a woman?

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apolloidolsice said:
because instead of giving the question I asked an answer, you decided to go all woke and act like I'm not allowed to want to be a woman. You can like butchy, hairy broads all you like. I don't, and therefore don't want to be one.
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Interesting response.
I hear anger and frustration.
I am certainly not in charge of what you are allowed to do with your own self. I wonder what made you feel that way.
 
@apolloidolsice My messages directly answer your question. You’re not responding to them, but you’re very engaged with arguing with everyone else, the people who are actually giving you good advice. Do you think maybe there’s something else behind your thread? Maybe what you’re really asking is how you can accept yourself as you are and not feel pressured to be something you’re not?
 
Forest Cat said:
I just want to mention that I had to google that to find out what it is and I have never had that or felt that. Or heard of it. And the description of it doesn't make much sense to me. So it's not something everyone feels or knows what is.
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You've never felt a moment where you felt good wearing something typical for your gender identity for example? Or putting on a fragrance that jives with your gender identity? That's basically gender euphoria.

I kinda described it in my post. You don't have to know what it is to feel it. But I guess I could be wrong that "everyone" experiences it.

So I will make an amendment here and say: I'm sure a lot of people have experienced gender euphoria...
 
Hi.

I'm not sure what to really say here but y'all, some people present more femme than others. @apollosidolice it sounds like you are one of those people.

Emily Post's Etiquette, 1948 or later. Seriously excellent book that had the classic feminine etiquette (how to be ladylike) and what was expected for men too.

Practicing social communication by focusing on being gentle: that's good for this.

You don't want to be how you are so if you want to change yourself go do it, but yeah, something about that is it's hard to find the actual tools for the job. Reading books printed before the "PC" stuff as you call it might help.

But my personal view is that people should do whatever they like as long as it is kind. The old expectations of the"feminine woman " hurt a lot of people (I am dating a girl who was deeply hurt by this stuff) and a lot of other people here are probably somewhat triggered by this, wondering"why would anyone go back to that?" Most autistic people are easily traumatized and so their reactions are as real as yours.

Also the "cottagecore" aesthetic has a lot of elements of what you might be looking for.
 
Step one i would say : you HAVE to take care of your appearance, that's just how it is. (This includes men too)

Try to find ways to reward yourself to achieve that goal.


step 2, Find a way to make your personality known, but not too over the top to others.
 
Gerontius said:
Hi.

I'm not sure what to really say here but y'all, some people present more femme than others. @apollosidolice it sounds like you are one of those people.

Emily Post's Etiquette, 1948 or later. Seriously excellent book that had the classic feminine etiquette (how to be ladylike) and what was expected for men too.

Practicing social communication by focusing on being gentle: that's good for this.

You don't want to be how you are so if you want to change yourself go do it, but yeah, something about that is it's hard to find the actual tools for the job. Reading books printed before the "PC" stuff as you call it might help.

But my personal view is that people should do whatever they like as long as it is kind. The old expectations of the"feminine woman " hurt a lot of people (I am dating a girl who was deeply hurt by this stuff) and a lot of other people here are probably somewhat triggered by this, wondering"why would anyone go back to that?" Most autistic people are easily traumatized and so their reactions are as real as yours.

Also the "cottagecore" aesthetic has a lot of elements of what you might be looking for.
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finally thank you!
 
Talk to them of the things they are talking about and seem interested in, try to be respectful to them even if they bore you or annoy you, talk the same loudness and speed as them, use polite words when starting to get to know them, take equal turns in talking roughly the same amounts, give a compliment or two to them even if you cannot stand them at first, and ask them questions that seem like you care, etc.

It is hard work if doing that stuff does not come natural to you, and you want that, so I understand that. The positive is that you may either get more friends this way or feel more like a woman this way based on what you said. Otherwise, if you do not want to do those things or cannot, maybe hang out with the overweight, more confident ones (not butch and hairy ones that you do not relate to) that do not necessarily like makeup but that still seem feminine to you in other ways through clothing, and at least some appropriate, social etiquette, etc..
 
apolloidolsice said:
my butchy/tomboyishness is connected to my autism. i thought i'd get other autistic women/afabs who've learned to over come their autistic style of womanhood and could give me advice on how to do that too.
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So I found it interesting that you had this on your profile:
"i'd rather be hated for who i am
than loved for who i am not"

Wouldn't you say this thread might be counterintuitive to this phrase?

I guess I can only speak from experience that I came from a ultra-traditional culture where all girls were trained from a young age to become stepford wives. Literally, no exaggeration. My whole life was about, "how are you going to find a husband if you don't do XYZ?" constantly ridiculed by adults and peers for being a tomboy who hated doing all the traditional "girly" stuff.

So I tried my best to do all these things and you know what? No happiness, none. I wanted to be accepted just like you. I did all the things they wanted me to and now as an older adult, I realized it was a mistake and I'm no happier or content with myself by putting on a mask to make others happy. And now going back to being myself has made me more fulfilled. And not just me... there's a whole crowd of women who I grew up with who realized this too and now have become empowered to end that way of thinking.

Anyway, this may sound all PC but man I'm just glad I realized I was living a lie.
 
Correct me if I'm wrong, but reading what you wrote, it sounds more like the question isnt necessarily "how to be a better woman", but in actuality the question perhaps might be more about "how can I be more feminine".

Does that sound right?

The reason I ask is because while the two may sound the same in wording, they have VERY different meanings. And everything you've said points towards that second one (at least that's how I read it).
 
Maybe start with a question of who do you think exemplifies feminitity?

e.g. Audrey Hepburn, Coco Chanel, Mary Tyler Moore, Julie Andrews, RBG, Jackie Kennedy

or

Real Housewives, the Kardashians, etc...

Determining whose example you like is a decent place to start. It can help outline and define an aesthetic.
 
Misery said:
Correct me if I'm wrong, but reading what you wrote, it sounds more like the question isnt necessarily "how to be a better woman", but in actuality the question perhaps might be more about "how can I be more feminine".

Does that sound right?

The reason I ask is because while the two may sound the same in wording, they have VERY different meanings. And everything you've said points towards that second one (at least that's how I read it).
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This is pretty much how I interpreted the question too. Pretty much a question about gender dysphoria.

But I guess that's the problem, how you read something and it's meaning is always going to be subjective.

It kinda all hinges on how you define a woman. It looks to me that most people consider it a wide spectrum. I certainly think that.

It seems now we have something of appoloidolsice's definition now so maybe they'll get the answers they want. For what it's worth, I genuinely wanted to try and help answer their question.
 
apolloidolsice said:
I'm tired of being a social outcast and want to be accepted.
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That is mostly the autism.
apolloidolsice said:
Also, I'm too fat and ugly to be a tomboy so don't come with that suggestion since tomboys can only really be thin and cute.
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Says who?
By definition,
  • a tomboy is a girl who likes to do traditionally boyish things,
  • a girly-girl likes to do traditionally girlish things &
  • a tomgirl (like my wife, daughters, mom & sister) is somewhere in the middle.
In casting, there are also equivalent male archetypes,
  • the he-man,
  • the metro &
  • the gallant.
 
Crossbreed said:
That is mostly the autism.

Says who?
By definition,
  • a tomboy is a girl who likes to do traditionally boyish things,
  • a girly-girl likes to do traditionally girlish things &
  • a tomgirl (like my wife, daughters, mom & sister) is somewhere in the middle.
In casting, there are also equivalent male archetypes,
  • the he-man,
  • the metro &
  • the gallant.
Click to expand...
Yes, but it also has a look. Feminine and mother-like bodies (big breasts, butt, hips, etc) are inherently saying "I'm readier to have a baby much more than skinnier women's bodies do. And motherhood and pregnancy are inherently feminine and if your body is literally showing you want that more means, for decency's sake at least, shouldn't dress in a way that makes you look like a lesbo.
 
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