How many of you have formed a bond with someone to the point you could call them a brother or sister?

[Zain]

I was wondering how this could happen and only concluded that you'd have to overcome something that seems near-impossible together. The situation would force you both to stick together or you'd both be ruined. We read in fiction and in myth about legendary brotherhoods forged by facing conflict together. But in all of these, there is a force that is considered as absolutely evil that is united against, fought and taken down. Such a thing doesn't really exist in our world anymore. So is it possible in our modern times to have such a strong relationship with someone?

Maybe man-made ideas, such as defeating a team in a sport as an underdog, can give such feeling, but it must pale in comparison to real life and death conflict, good vs evil.

 

[Rodafina]

How many of you have formed a bond with someone to the point you could call them a brother or sister?

Not me. To me, the concept is as fantastical as the myths and legends you mention. It's a nice idea, but not part of my reality. Forming such strong bonds with other humans is not my strong suit.

 

[Jumpinbare]

Yeah. A friend I met in high school. Apparently we looked so similar that people wouldn't believe we weren't brothers (even with different last names). We had a lot in common, so we started saying we were brothers because it was easier than denying it.

Neither of us knew we were autistic back then (1970s). We stayed in touch over the years, helping each other through financial and other difficulties. He got diagnosed way before I did, but never mentioned it. When I told him about my diagnosis, he said he had known for years I was autistic.

He died a couple of weeks ago.

 

[Zain]

Not me. To me, the concept is as fantastical as the myths and legends you mention. It's a nice idea, but not part of my reality. Forming such strong bonds with other humans is not my strong suit.

It’s not about whether it’s your strong suit if it’s unattainable for 99% of people due to us living in modern society. It would happen naturally with those your closest around you in our natural setting. Nowadays, people will avoid you for having one "wrong"/controversial opinion, even your closest family members. People have more allegiance to fake ideas over blood. A shame.

 

[Rodafina]

It’s not about whether it’s your strong suit if it’s unattainable for 99% of people due to us living in modern society.

I see what you are saying, and agree that modern society would definitely impact this - I can particularly see that in my own culture.

It would happen naturally with those your closest around you in our natural setting.

Maybe. But, this has not been my experience. I have been very fortunate to have had loving family and even a few friends present throughout my life and yet I have had to work really hard to attain a feeling of closeness. It's something that has troubled me always - there are good people there, but my sense of attachment to others doesn't seem to happen naturally. It can happen logically with some effort.

The structure of actual familial bonds helps me to feel close, but creating those with people who are not family has been difficult for me.

 

[mysterionz]

Yeah. A friend I met in high school. Apparently we looked so similar that people wouldn't believe we weren't brothers (even with different last names). We had a lot in common, so we started saying we were brothers because it was easier than denying it.

Neither of us knew we were autistic back then (1970s). We stayed in touch over the years, helping each other through financial and other difficulties. He got diagnosed way before I did, but never mentioned it. When I told him about my diagnosis, he said he had known for years I was autistic.

He died a couple of weeks ago.

Sending hugs

 

[Zain]

Yeah. A friend I met in high school. Apparently we looked so similar that people wouldn't believe we weren't brothers (even with different last names). We had a lot in common, so we started saying we were brothers because it was easier than denying it.

Neither of us knew we were autistic back then (1970s). We stayed in touch over the years, helping each other through financial and other difficulties. He got diagnosed way before I did, but never mentioned it. When I told him about my diagnosis, he said he had known for years I was autistic.

He died a couple of weeks ago.

How has his death hit you?

I see what you are saying, and agree that modern society would definitely impact this - I can particularly see that in my own culture.


Maybe. But, this has not been my experience. I have been very fortunate to have had loving family and even a few friends present throughout my life and yet I have had to work really hard to attain a feeling of closeness. It's something that has troubled me always - there are good people there, but my sense of attachment to others doesn't seem to happen naturally. It can happen logically with some effort.

The structure of actual familial bonds helps me to feel close, but creating those with people who are not family has been difficult for me.

That's interesting. Why do you think that is? Is it possible there is something about them that is giving you the "ick" that's caused by modern society? Like, I get annoyed when my family members gossip about this or that or chat about football or the latest celeb gossip. Or, if not, why is it that your different? Assuming that they are closer with each other than you are with them.

 

[IXxTchxXI]

Nobody

I surrounded myself with toxic people who I wouldn't leave for fear of being alone so I put up with their horrid ways, it's part of my mental stuff

I've never had a "real" friend besides myself, and I've been working on being my own friend in the last... 8 months? I think?

Maybe one day I'll find a real friend but for now I'm learning to be happy with my own company

 

[Rodafina]

That's interesting. Why do you think that is? Is it possible there is something about them that is giving you the "ick" that's caused by modern society? Like, I get annoyed when my family members gossip about this or that or chat about football or the latest celeb gossip. Or, if not, why is it that your different? Assuming that they are closer with each other than you are with them.

I definitely have felt that “ick” you describe, and that can be part of it. I don’t fully understand it yet, but one thing I have deduced is that the ways in which my family show affection toward each other do not resonate with me. For example, sharing meals together, hugging, talking on the phone, spending time together in a group. They seem to be things that bring them joy and foster closeness. For me, these actions cause stress and fatigue. Their experiences with sensory and social overwhelm are absent, and this makes it more difficult for me to relate to them and easier to feel different than the group.

 

[velociraptor]

I was wondering how this could happen and only concluded that you'd have to overcome something that seems near-impossible together. The situation would force you both to stick together or you'd both be ruined.

I met a fellow photographer online in early 2001. We had both bought new digital cameras and we were both learning how to use them together. He was the parent of a five year old and myself a one year old. He was an NT and an extrovert, but he decided to adopt me and didn't let me avoid going on photo outings with him. After a while I looked forward to them. I lost him to cancer last spring and there is still a smoking crater in the part of my life he used to occupy. The emptiness is profound and I am still trying to deal with his loss. The only near impossible thing we confronted together was his cancer towards the end. It was impossible for him and I admit I worry it will be for me as well.

Sometimes you meet that person who matters and you don't realize how much until you no longer have them.

 

[Judge]

In my own case, it's difficult just to get beyond the term "brother or sister", given that we don't all have such positive bonds with our siblings. I suppose as a child I had a bond with my older brother. However that bond changed as we both became adults, and that in my brother's eyes I had more opportunities and advantages that promoted resentment and sibling rivalry. Though from my own eyes I made wiser "life decisions" than did my brother.

I've recently elected to become estranged with my brother given our neurological differences.

So I suppose over my lifetime, the only real "bond" I felt was in my own mother, who was the only person on the planet that unconditionally loved me throughout my life until her death in 2006.

Otherwise I also had a bond with my divorced girlfriend's young daughter (aged 4 to 7) as I ended up taking care of her as a parent, while my girlfriend struggled between trying to salvage a business and being a functional alcoholic. It's both an amazing thing when a child truly trusts you to take care of them, and equally a very tough responsibility. Especially when this little girl was terrified of her real father who had weekend custody of her. I did the best I could to make her life a little better.

Otherwise as an adult I've had a handful of friends I considered something beyond acquaintances, but they all ended pretty much when they relocated or left their jobs. They didn't reach out to me afterwards, yet neither did I try to reach out to them. They all just came and went, and it's difficult to use the word "bond" to describe such relationships. Even in the case of a few NT women friends who evolved into long-term romantic relationships.

Do we truly bond with anyone? Often I'm just not sure.

 

[Jumpinbare]

How has his death hit you?

The same way as losing my biological brother and my wife - just kind of numb.
I'm alexithemic. It may randomly hit me later, as it did with my wife.

 

[Zain]

Nobody

I surrounded myself with toxic people who I wouldn't leave for fear of being alone so I put up with their horrid ways, it's part of my mental stuff

I've never had a "real" friend besides myself, and I've been working on being my own friend in the last... 8 months? I think?

Maybe one day I'll find a real friend but for now I'm learning to be happy with my own company

I shared a story of doing the same. I completely just blank those people out now. I hate pop psych terms, but it is "grey-rocking". It's funny how entirely ignoring them makes them mad but then they act like an ass when you attempt to be friendly with them.

In my own case, it's difficult just to get beyond the term "brother or sister", given that we don't all have such positive bonds with our siblings. I suppose as a child I had a bond with my older brother. However that bond changed as we both became adults, and that in my brother's eyes I had more opportunities and advantages that promoted resentment and sibling rivalry. Though from my own eyes I made wiser "life decisions" than did my brother.

I've recently elected to become estranged with my brother given our neurological differences.

So I suppose over my lifetime, the only real "bond" I felt was in my own mother, who was the only person on the planet that unconditionally loved me throughout my life until her death in 2006.

Otherwise I also had a bond with my divorced girlfriend's young daughter (aged 4 to 7) as I ended up taking care of her as a parent, while my girlfriend struggled between trying to salvage a business and being a functional alcoholic. It's both an amazing thing when a child truly trusts you to take care of them, and equally a very tough responsibility. Especially when this little girl was terrified of her real father who had weekend custody of her. I did the best I could to make her life a little better.

Otherwise as an adult I've had a handful of friends I considered something beyond acquaintances, but they all ended pretty much when they relocated or left their jobs. They didn't reach out to me afterwards, yet neither did I try to reach out to them. They all just came and went, and it's difficult to use the word "bond" to describe such relationships. Even in the case of a few NT women friends who evolved into long-term romantic relationships.

Do we truly bond with anyone? Often I'm just not sure.

It's really the strongest term of endearment for someone who isn't blood related, especially in stories. It's why I chose it.
Neither do I. Basically, anyone who doesn't have my best interests at heart I cannot call brother or sister. It's why I've distanced myself from my mother quite a bit and my sister a lot. My mother never put me first growing up. It makes sense to not trust her judgements or counsel now as I don't know if she is subconsciously or consciously manipulating me to benefit someone else. Not that I ever felt jealous. But I've made my mother and sister cry a lot when I've told them I don't love them. I see it as simply dealing with the consequences of their actions. Nothing more. I love accountability. It's one's own actions coming to punish them.

A lot of people have came and left in my life. I think I fell into the trap of trying to look for potential mistakes made. All I got from that was lost time. Things don't last.

The same way as losing my biological brother and my wife - just kind of numb.
I'm alexithemic. It may randomly hit me later, as it did with my wife.

I see.
I don't show emotion when someone dies as well. People have gotten mad over it. It made me realise how different I am and that it is something precious to me that I process things in a unique way.

 

[Zain]

I definitely have felt that “ick” you describe, and that can be part of it. I don’t fully understand it yet, but one thing I have deduced is that the ways in which my family show affection toward each other do not resonate with me. For example, sharing meals together, hugging, talking on the phone, spending time together in a group. They seem to be things that bring them joy and foster closeness. For me, these actions cause stress and fatigue. Their experiences with sensory and social overwhelm are absent, and this makes it more difficult for me to relate to them and easier to feel different than the group.

I feel the same. But if someone asked me how one could show affection to me, I'm not sure what I'd say. Basically, one condition to be "close" to me is that you'd have to have my best interests at heart, as I'd have yours. Fulfilling this depends on the circumstances and different variables, obviously. It's too long-term over the short, basic. routine gestures that fulfil most others.

 

[IXxTchxXI]

I shared a story of doing the same. I completely just blank those people out now. I hate pop psych terms, but it is "grey-rocking". It's funny how entirely ignoring them makes them mad but then they act like an ass when you attempt to be friendly with them

So much this!

Like, they're entitled to one's friendship! Like, one sided friendships where they take and take and give nothing

That's how my "friends" were

 

[Zain]

So much this!

Like, they're entitled to one's friendship! Like, one sided friendships where they take and take and give nothing

That's how my "friends" were

It's how my sister is. She thinks she is a princess and deserves to be treated like one.. lol. She is the rudest, most unladylike girl most of the time.
I think I am too honest with her and show her too much of reality. She cannot handle me having different opinions. I realised that what she wants is not what I will give. I wonder how emotional she will get when I ban her from my future badminton games with my other family members. Lol. Action meeting its consequence.

She's cried a few times when I've told her I want no contact with her. When there is a conflict in the house, she runs to me and says I'm the best of all the people in the house... no clue what is wrong with her. But it's like you said, one-sided.

 

[AprilR]

I think i bonded with maybe two or three people in my life. None of them are in my life now though.

 

[IXxTchxXI]

It's how my sister is. She thinks she is a princess and deserves to be treated like one..

Same here

But mine thinks that way because of favoritism, she got all the support and love from my parents while I just kinda hanged around...

But that's the past I mean, it's a wound I want to heal from, you know?

Let the past be because I can't change it, I can only change the now

 

[Ponka]

My past groomer. He had the guts to convince me I was actually family in some sort of past life. That led to me further gaslighting myself into believing I had DID for his enjoyment. I have a more in-depth story on a different forum here I gaslit myself into thinking i was different people for an ex-friend

It stills haunts me a little to this day, probably since I partially blame myself for it. I was just so vulnerable...