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Featured How do older autistic adults deal with social challenges?

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by Oldlady, Feb 1, 2019.

  1. Oldlady

    Oldlady Well-Known Member

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    I think being an old anything is better than being young. Although I do miss my more able body. Did your late diagnosis give you relief and/or concern?

    The social settings you describe make me anxious and/or angry.
     
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  2. Oldlady

    Oldlady Well-Known Member

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    Is it lonely? I only ask because even though I have the same instincts of 'I don't need anyone' I have found that, in fact, I do need other people.
     
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  3. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor V.I.P Member

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    i'm much like @Judge but I get help financially I'd like to learn Macaton !as sign language seems to mean a little bit more to me !and I might be able to communicate easier !,i'm nearly 49 so my mental facilities aren't as sharp as they were in my 20s .
    and I rely on the panic mode crying, shutting down ,avoiding. attending under sufferance .
     
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  4. Oldlady

    Oldlady Well-Known Member

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    Hey. Seems like you just need to find the right sort of people. Those who can really accept you for yourself and appreciate what you are able to bring to the table. It is difficult, but I comfort myself by knowing that most people find relationships challenging and a lot of hard work.

    It gets harder as we get older because we're more set in our ways and we are less motivated to try.
     
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  5. Oldlady

    Oldlady Well-Known Member

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    I am confused by one thing ... this is probably my autistic brain not making sense the same way others do. You don't have the ability to have feelings toward another, but you desire to have feelings toward another? If you don't mind explaining this further .... it's not computing in my head.
     
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  6. Oldlady

    Oldlady Well-Known Member

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    I too have married a person who allows me to be fully myself. And to boot, I was able to retire at 55 because he was willing to shoulder the entire financial burden. So I am a kept woman.
     
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  7. Oldlady

    Oldlady Well-Known Member

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    Is it lonely or are you just fine without human intimacy?
     
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  8. Oldlady

    Oldlady Well-Known Member

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    I am also an excellent host, but it takes its toll and I only do it for those I care deeply about.
     
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  9. Oldlady

    Oldlady Well-Known Member

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    Well... I think autistic people can be quite varied in their personalities and interests, so I suspect that some of us would enjoy each others company a lot and others less so.
     
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  10. Oldlady

    Oldlady Well-Known Member

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    I didn't get together with my 'now husband' until I was 40 years old. Prior to him I had only two brief serious relationships (and a string of non-serious ones). It has been very hard work for us to make the relationship what it is and that is from both sides (atypical and typical), but we don't have to work as hard now. I am definitely the caretaker of the relationship, perhaps because I am a woman. My point here is that you can find a partner at any age, but it takes hard work and commitment to make any relationship work. The desire to put in that sort of effort tends to wan as we age and the knowledge that it will probably be you (the woman) who must manage the relationship can be daunting. However, I will put in a plug for partnership here, it is well worth it.

    You don't have to become invisible as you age (unless you want to). I try to embrace my age, but also to stay healthy, competent, and attractive - for an old lady. I think it makes me confident and, therefore, appealing. I like the looks of older people who have taken care of themselves. I always have.

    I am not knocking kindness, but I don't strive to be kind to everyone. I also don't strive to be nasty to everyone. I like to wait and reserve judgement on how I want to treat each individual based on their actions both toward me and toward others and especially toward animals.
     
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  11. Oldlady

    Oldlady Well-Known Member

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    Whew! You have been through a lot.

    Don't concern yourself with calling me old lady. I'd like to embrace my old age and not feel as if it's something 'bad' or something I should feel ashamed about.
     
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  12. Oldlady

    Oldlady Well-Known Member

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    My philosophy is to force society to bend to my rules. It's not working all that well, but I refuse to give up!
     
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  13. Oldlady

    Oldlady Well-Known Member

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    I have a similar reaction with certain groups. I have found that if I pick the group and make sure I'm actually interested in socializing at the time, then things usually go well.
     
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  14. Oldlady

    Oldlady Well-Known Member

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    This is exactly how I feel. Are you my long lost twin that was born 9 years after me?
     
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  15. clg114

    clg114 Still crazy, after all these years. Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    My late diagnosis gave me relief because it answered a lot of questions that I had about myself. I always knew that I was different than those around me, I just did not know how or why. How about you?

    I agree with you about being old. Have you ever thought about what it would be like to have your twenty-five year old body and still know what you know now?
     
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  16. Oldlady

    Oldlady Well-Known Member

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    Same here.

    YES! I think about that A LOT. You might say a bit obsessively. I was thinking that it might be related to the fact that I seem to believe that I should have 'known better' right from the cradle. Then I go down the rabbit hole of determinism vs. free will, what are we doing on this planet ... if anything, and why suffering ... what's it for?
     
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  17. Laura O

    Laura O New Member

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    One of the amazing things about finally having a diagnosis and being identified is I'm discovering that I'm not some sort of isolated oddity...I'm pretty *normal* for an autistic woman who went undiagnosed most of her life. It's sort of a revelation finding other women who relate to me. I finally found my people.
     
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  18. Oldlady

    Oldlady Well-Known Member

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    Yeah ... I'm only contextually odd. :)
     
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  19. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    I try to keep such considerations in their best perspective.

    To always default to an understanding that my need for solitude well surpasses any occasional sense of loneliness I might have. That it's a matter of priorities. If I have to choose one over the other, loneliness will always come in second to solitude.

    Of course the reality in this equation is that we all have different perceptions of how important one may be over the other.
     
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  20. Oldlady

    Oldlady Well-Known Member

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    I understand this. I have an agreement with my husband that he stays away from me at certain times of the day and for a specified period of time. At first this hurt his feelings, but once I explained it to him several thousand times he finally accepted that it had nothing to do with how I feel about him. He's a neurotypical.
     
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