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How do I start the conversations?


Hello, I want to clarify immediately that "the conversation" isn't referring to making friends.

How do I start the conversations? The tough talks?

In a lot of social contexts I have a lot of difficulty approaching serious and heated subjects, this usually leads me to never talk about things that may need talking about. And I also have a tendency (which I am trying to change) to withdrawn from friends even if I really want to be with them. All this to say that I feel very out-of-the-loop when it comes to things that happens among my friends, and I also have a hard time confronting anyone about anything ever. While it's not something I am proud to admit, I get really scared that, if I try to take a step forward, everything in the delicate social balance will crumble like a house of cards. I have a lot of bad memories attached to fighting and emotionally-intense moments.

It is relevant to say that there most likely won't be another person who takes the first step in any of the situations that I'm in, rocky family relationships and friends that are also diagnosed and have similar issues.

I understand it's not my responsibility to fix stuff that happens between my friends, BUT I AM WORRIED. I am really worried about how they feel, I am really worried about what might happen in the future if it keeps going like this, and I am really worried that we might never be able to be that close-knit group of buddies we were ( of course my "closeness" can be disputed, but we were still all on good terms).

I do not wanna drag on for too long nor get into too many specifics, I've gotten advice from my brother about how to handle this specific situation, but I know they'll come again in the future.

Just wanted to ask anyone here for any strategies on how to have those difficult talks and how to handle it if it gets heated. And also vent a bit.

Thank you for your time.
I am a step behind the last guy you would go to for social advice, so please don’t bother reading this reply.

The person who starts a conversation has a massive advantage in this regard; you get to frame the topic. That includes presenting your own situation, as in, ‘I value our relationship, and wonder if this-or-that is getting in our way.’

Early words also get to define terms that might be expected to be catching points later in the conversation, as in, ‘when I asked you to investigate, I didn’t expect you to take action.’ Definition of terms can be critical but is often overlooked.

First words give you the opportunity to set the tone and limits of a conversation. ‘I’d like to talk with you about…’

Of course, you have to stick to your own frame. If you say it’s about your concern for, say, the value of their resume, you need to keep the discussion on improving their hire-ability. Often, topics are difficult because they impact on multiple peripheral issues; go into such conversations determined to focus on the main issue and refuse to be distracted onto related issues. Often, conversations explode because they’re poorly contained.

I find I do my best analysis before and after critical conversations, so need to go in well prepared, and remember to avoid making decisions of any sort during the exchange.

Hope you didn’t read this.
Good question we went to bar last night then went to one of couple's house's that was nearby for a ad hoc party.
my wife's friend and I are brighter than average. The conversation was a bit mundane for use both of us started falling asleep. Wife realized it was time for us to leave.
@Valily ,
Do you think it would work to ask questions and listen? People are generally more receptive to a difficult conversation when they feel listened to. I think you really do have to approach potential conflict with as much neutrality as possible. No matter how strongly you want to make your point, it is equally important to hear people out.
Typical people get bored with us quickly that's what my wife is for she keeps me in the loop. Worse part her friend is even brighter them me opinionated. extraverted not well educated. Makes life very interesting. funniest part is watching guys trying to pick her up when we go out together. just realized last week her and my youngest brother are the same age both single. Now I'm worried. I saw the gears tuning.
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