How do I keep a NT friend

[An Arctic fox]

To tell or not to tell an NT...

Go slow.
I have found that telling an autistic something straight out works but with NTs not so much.

Bring up something about ASD/ADD/DID not related to you and see how they react.

If they react in stereotypes or negative comments, then they may not be able to handle knowing that about you.

Best wishes!

I'll try but I'm not good at not being blunt

 

[Progster]

How to go about keeping a friend is likely to be dependent on that particular friend and their needs - are they introverted or extroverted? Do they live a busy lifestyle? Do they prefer indoors or outdoors activities - what are their hobbies? If you find out more about the person, it might be easier to see how the friendship is going to work. Apart from that, be friendly, polite and genuine, don't try to hard or you might put them off.

 

[An Arctic fox]

How to go about keeping a friend is likely to be dependent on that particular friend and their needs - are they introverted or extroverted? Do they live a busy lifestyle? Do they prefer indoors or outdoors activities - what are their hobbies? If you find out more about the person, it might be easier to see how the friendship is going to work. Apart from that, be friendly, polite and genuine, don't try to hard or you might put them off.

Ok

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Well it would very much depend on the friend. I can only say what has worked for me:
- Making the effort to engage with them frequently, texting every now and then and meeting up regularly.
- Being open about my autism and mental health issues
- Being "myself" i.e. not trying to appear "normal", not restricting myself to boring conversation topics
- Being kind, respectful, and generous. Helping them out when they need help, such as providing lifts.
- Just generally being a decent human being and making friends with people who are also decent human beings.

 

[An Arctic fox]

Well it would very much depend on the friend. I can only say what has worked for me:
- Making the effort to engage with them frequently, texting every now and then and meeting up regularly.
- Being open about my autism and mental health issues
- Being "myself" i.e. not trying to appear "normal", not restricting myself to boring conversation topics
- Being kind, respectful, and generous. Helping them out when they need help, such as providing lifts.
- Just generally being a decent human being and making friends with people who are also decent human beings.

Thanks for the info and help

 

[Mary Terry]

I'm NT and have autistic friends. It's not a big deal to me. I don't care about the diagnosis. I do care about who they are as human beings. But I'm pretty sure that I am not a "typical" neurotypical, either, because I have family members who are on the spectrum and I have tutored autistic students for years so I probably know a lot more about ASD than other people.

Go slow, get to know each other as friends, do some things together that both of you enjoy, and, if the friendship seems to be one can last a long time, then consider telling your friend that you have an ASD diagnosis. Your friend may already be aware of "differences" but doesn't feel close enough to you to ask about it.

Bear in mind that your friend also may have some issues which he has not (yet) disclosed to you. True friendship requires trust and respect.

 

[An Arctic fox]

I'm NT and have autistic friends. It's not a big deal to me. I don't care about the diagnosis. I do care about who they are as human beings. But I'm pretty sure that I am not a "typical" neurotypical, either, because I have family members who are on the spectrum and I have tutored autistic students for years so I probably know a lot more about ASD than other people.

Go slow, get to know each other as friends, do some things together that both of you enjoy, and, if the friendship seems to be one can last a long time, then consider telling your friend that you have an ASD diagnosis. Your friend may already be aware of "differences" but doesn't feel close enough to you to ask about it.

Bear in mind that your friend also may have some issues which he has not (yet) disclosed to you. True friendship requires trust and respect.

I'm not good with respect, I'm not sure hoe to determine if I show respect or others do or anything at all with respect and I trust everyone (very dangerous to be like that I dont reccomend it) so that makes it hard for me to tell and I'm also blunt and honest so it's hard to tell

 

[Ken S.]

I would start with finding out their interests to find ones which you can do with them without it causing you too much discomfort. If they are truly your friend then your difficulties won't bother them.

 

[An Arctic fox]

I would start with finding out their interests to find ones which you can do with them without it causing you too much discomfort. If they are truly your friend then your difficulties won't bother them.

Ok thank you

 

[Mary Terry]

I'm not good with respect, I'm not sure hoe to determine if I show respect or others do or anything at all with respect and I trust everyone (very dangerous to be like that I dont reccomend it) so that makes it hard for me to tell and I'm also blunt and honest so it's hard to tell

I mean respect in the sense that you accept people as they are, you respect who they and their choices without criticism. Be careful about trusting everyone. There are some bad people in the world so go slow until you know who a person really is.

 

[An Arctic fox]

I mean respect in the sense that you accept people as they are, you respect who they and their choices without criticism. Be careful about trusting everyone. There are some bad people in the world so go slow until you know who a person really is.

Oh yeah I do that for everyone and I know, I've been abused before at least partially because of it and I'm not sure how to Its just kinda all of me and my me-ness immediately and all the time (except for what isnt usually socially acceptabl I hide that as best I can)

 

[GadAbout]

You seem to want a recipe or rules for making this NT friendship survive. That's not how it works. Besides, several times when people have suggested something, you answer "I'm not good at that."

There is no guarantee, ever, that you can keep a friendship, NT or ND. You have to be okay with that possibility, that for reasons unknown to you or sometimes for reasons you know perfectly well, the relationship fizzles out. NO GUARANTEES.

This being the case, just relax and try to allow a give-and-take of contacting and conversing, sometimes you doing it, sometimes the friend doing it. Good luck, but remember, there are many other fish in the sea. It's always a mistake to pin all your hopes on one person.

 

[An Arctic fox]

I'm sorry I did stuff wrong

 

[GadAbout]

I'm sorry I did stuff wrong

Arctic fox, was that to me?

 

[An Arctic fox]

Arctic fox, was that to me?

Yes

 

[onlything]

I wouldn't tell them. You've known them for only a few short months. Essentially, you may talk to each other a lot but you don't know each other that well, maybe even at all. Go slow, get to know them better. If they keep talking to you then you must be doing something right. Just keep being like you are.

I don't want to discourage you. Just... first impressions can be misleading and I don't want you to be hurt just because you got impatient and shared too much too quickly.

 

[An Arctic fox]

I wouldn't tell them. You've known them for only a few short months. Essentially, you may talk to each other a lot but you don't know each other that well, maybe even at all. Go slow, get to know them better. If they keep talking to you then you must be doing something right. Just keep being like you are.

Me being me never works out long term

 

[onlything]

Me being me never works out long term

If someone doesn't accept you for who you are then can you really call them a friend? Do you even want to keep a fake friendship where you have to pretend to be someone else all the time? Right people will come at the right time.

You could try to curb down some of your, so called, 'annoying' qualities, like talking too much, too long and too often on one topic or leaving them on their own without a goodbye etc. - if you have some that are seen as such that is. I would suggest reading up on body language - to recognise things such as them feeling bored or uncomfortable and to be able to act on these signs. However, it takes a lot of practice and learning - well, at least for me.

 

[An Arctic fox]

If someone doesn't accept you for who you are then can you really call them a friend? Do you even want to keep a fake friendship where you have to pretend to be someone else all the time? Right people will come at the right time.

You could try to curb down some of your, so called, 'annoying' qualities, like talking too much, too long and too often on one topic or leaving them on their own without a goodbye etc. - if you have some that are seen as such that is. I would suggest reading up on body language - to recognise things such as them feeling bored or uncomfortable and to be able to act on these signs. However, it takes a lot of practice and learning - well, at least for me.

Yeah and I dont think I can do that winve I'm not good at faking things

I could

 

[GadAbout]

I'm sorry I did stuff wrong

You didn't do anything wrong!

I'm just trying to widen your perspective. Look at the big picture. While you want to keep this one friend, life is just a series of chances to learn.