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Featured How do I keep a NT friend

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by An Arctic fox, Jul 11, 2019.

  1. An Arctic fox

    An Arctic fox Well-Known Member

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    I made a NT (neuro typical) friend recently and I'd like to actually keep them (unlike all my other NT friends). So how do I do that? They also dont know about my mental health all the way (at least not the autism and possible DID and possible ADHD) but should I tell them? main thing is how do I keep a NT friend. This one seems very accepting so I probably could tell them about my mental health but people seem to think I'm to direct and I'm not sure how to do that and I'm not sure what else I do that people dont like.
     
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  2. Cazelle

    Cazelle Active Member

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    Firstly, yay for making a new friend :).

    What did you do to make friends with this person? I guess you keep doing that? Also, how recently is recently? And what have they shared with you? I ask because sometimes I think I share too much too quickly :-/.
     
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  3. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    I'm as kind and respectful as I can be, ask a lot of questions, and be myself, and this has worked very well in the past four years.
     
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  4. An Arctic fox

    An Arctic fox Well-Known Member

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    Thank you :)

    They talked with me at school and then we both wrote in each others year books that we want to talk more, so talking infrequently enough that they dont get tired of me and we both just keep wanting to talk to each other? Uh within the last few months but we havent talked much. Not much personal info and if they did it was nonchalantly. I probably do
     
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  5. An Arctic fox

    An Arctic fox Well-Known Member

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    Works for me with other autistics but not NTs. I usually try not to ask questions but I like to but I think I'm supposed to ask less then I do. I'm glad it works for you
     
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  6. Cazelle

    Cazelle Active Member

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    Do you have common interests that you can talk about? Maybe you don't need to mention the autism/DID/ADHD unless it becomes relevant. Do you talk in person or online?
     
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  7. An Arctic fox

    An Arctic fox Well-Known Member

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    I dont know, our conversations seem random
    I feel like I'm supposed to but society says im not I dont think
    Mostly in person but we've done online
     
  8. Cazelle

    Cazelle Active Member

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    Well it sounds like you are doing a good job of keeping your friend so far. Has something happened to make you worry it won't last? Perhaps you could just try and relax a bit and trust that this friend actually likes you and wants to be friends with you.
     
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  9. An Arctic fox

    An Arctic fox Well-Known Member

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    We have talked like 5 times so that's how I have a friend. But I'm diagnosed with autism and my DID is a bit harder to handle and so is ADHD.
    I cant trust that because I used to think that and then I lost a friend.
     
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  10. Cazelle

    Cazelle Active Member

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    Would you feel better if your friend knew all this about you?
     
  11. An Arctic fox

    An Arctic fox Well-Known Member

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    Well I wouldnt feel like I'm lieing and I might feel like if they know why I am the way I am sometimes they may be more accepting so probably I would
     
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  12. Cazelle

    Cazelle Active Member

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    In your OP you state
    If it is very important to you that they know and accept you for who you are, and if you will feel much better being open and honest with your friend, then maybe you should consider having a chat with them about your diagnoses. Remember you don't have to say everything at once. And they are already friends with YOU, as you are, as you have been.
     
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  13. An Arctic fox

    An Arctic fox Well-Known Member

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    How would I not say everything at once? I usually just end up adding more to what I plan to say or something. They are friends with the more socially acceptable version of me who always keeps to myself because I cant people well
     
  14. Cazelle

    Cazelle Active Member

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    Which of your diagnoses do you feel is most likely to be noticeable or impact your friendship? Maybe start with that one and see how your friend reacts?

    By the way, I also use the word people as a verb - sometimes I tell my husband that I just can't people today. :)
     
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  15. An Arctic fox

    An Arctic fox Well-Known Member

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    Hmm probably the autism but I usually hide my ADHD stuffs (not diagnosed with ADHD though) and we hide the DID pretty well.

    Nice! :)
     
  16. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    Maybe I should have mentioned that I've done this only with extraordinarily nice people. With the majority of people I'm distant and reserved. I have five friends with whom I act the way I described, and they all know all my diagnoses and such. Otherwise, I generally avoid contact with people.
     
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  17. An Arctic fox

    An Arctic fox Well-Known Member

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    Same
     
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  18. Cazelle

    Cazelle Active Member

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    Hmm, I've only being diagnosed with ASD for two weeks so haven't had to navigate this with that diagnosis yet, and with my depression/anxiety I haven't felt the need to divulge this information to very many people. I tend to keep to myself quite a bit. I guess I'd start by using the autism to explain a behaviour that may come across as unusual? Eg. Sorry, it's taking me a while to process what you've said. I have ASD and that sometimes means I don't think quite as quickly as I would like.
     
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  19. An Arctic fox

    An Arctic fox Well-Known Member

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    Yeah I've been diagnosed for shorter amount of time I think or around the same and I don't think ita really important to tell people my depression and anxiety but I do anyway. I would do that but i feel all my behavior might be unusual but idk
     
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  20. china autie

    china autie friend to dogs and frogs and cats

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    To tell or not to tell an NT...

    Go slow.
    I have found that telling an autistic something straight out works but with NTs not so much.

    Bring up something about ASD/ADD/DID not related to you and see how they react.

    If they react in stereotypes or negative comments, then they may not be able to handle knowing that about you.

    Best wishes!
     
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