How do I convince my parents to get my brother tested for autism?

[Lailaghost]

I have a 6 yo brother that is showing some alarming signs of autism. Since his early years he had many problems with his milestones, which my parents glazed over with "oh he's just a lazy baby" never bothering to look further into it.

Right now he is very lacking in his speech, it seems like since he was 4 yo, he hasn't learned any new words or phrases and just keeps repeating the same things. He rarely manages to say what his name is, and only after being asked for 10 minutes. Most of his speech are just random screeches and mumbling, followed by erratic movements.

He doesn't talk to other children or adults and the situation isn't getting better. There are many more things I haven't mentioned, but I think these create a picture. I have tried to gently talk with my parents that he may have some form of autism, but they flipped out calling me inappropriate names and telling me to never say such things again.

Did any of you had this sort of a situation? Is it legal to get the child checked if you are not a parent, just a relative?

 

[Tom]

We are for the most part just people on the spectrum here so may not have the technical expertise to fully answer your questions. If your brother has a condition, such as autism it may show up clearer when he starts school. Your parents may be in denial about the possibility. Hopefully they will be more open to outside opinions, like teachers. If it is something like autism, I would expect there would be a point they could no longer ignor it. It doesn't just go away.

 

[bbc-bananasplit]

Maybe your parents still think autism is caused by abusive and non-responsive parents ("refrigerator mum"), which was a concept of how autism developed in 50s and 60s, so your parents may be from that generation and therefore autism is a very bad thing...

Edit: All the same, they could take your brother to see a doctor, or you can go yourself - maybe you get some advice

 

[Hollow Horse]

Did any of you had this sort of a situation?

Hi there. I read at first your brother was 9 but clearly my tablet was upside down! Okay so I understand I was non-verbal or said very little before age 5. Then by 6 and 7 I was seeing child guidance but of course mid-seventies while autism was definable, high-functioning and Aspergers was less so. I wasn't diagnosed officially until mid-thirties. These days a referral from your GP to a clinical psychologist is easier to do and the way to go so long as you can find a way to get your brother to the GP of course.

I have tried to gently talk with my parents that he may have some form of autism, but they flipped out calling me inappropriate names and telling me to never say such things again.

Really? That really shouldn't be happening.

Most of his speech are just random screeches and mumbling, followed by erratic movements. He doesn't talk to other children or adults and the situation isn't getting better.

How is he with washing, toileting and dressing? Is he needing help with that? (I remember having help with that right into senior school).

 

[Fino]

That's exactly how my parents are!!!

I was older and didn't have a helpful sibling, but I went to a school counselor as my solution, who referred me to a social worker.

Surely teachers have said something? Even something subtle, since they probably can't really say all that much without crossing some line?

Does the school he attends have a psychologist? I've heard of some schools having that or having one that comes certain days a week or month. Personally, I'd consider asking their advice.

 

[Lysander]

Wow, I'm so sorry for what you're going through! You're really brave putting yourself in the line of fire against your parents to try and help your little brother.

You know what they say - if someone gets angry when you're being honest, it's because they fear you're right. How frustrating this must be, to have them bury their heads in the sand like that.

Be careful. My guess is that you're probably not allowed to do anything with him without his legal guardian's consent. You're a very sweet person so please err on the side of caution and try to convince your parents somehow, over time. I would hate it if your parents accused you of kidnapping your brother. Legally, they can do that.

Even though I hope they would never do such a thing, better safe than sorry.

Calling CPS is a last-ditch optional final resort, but keep in mind that the consequences of doing so include your brother being removed and institutionalized, your parents possibly facing criminal conviction, and more... so I don't recommend it. If your brother is loved and well cared for, it's far more worth it to hold out for your parents to see the light on this issue.

P.S. Don't mention CPS. You vs. Them can't win here... even though you're his big sister, parents ultimately have the only say where their children are concerned.

 

[Lysander]

I agree with Hollow Horse that you should try to get your brother a visit to a GP. Maybe offer to take him yourself. Your mom will have to call and inform the office that it will be you signing permission for him to receive care.