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How Can I Overcome Emotions of Frustration in Multiplayer Gaming?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by lilbb87, Dec 2, 2021.

  1. lilbb87

    lilbb87 New Member

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    Hi. I'm new here and identify as a self-diagnosed Aspie.

    I don't mind losing a game whether it be a board game or a video game. What I hate is when I put a lot of effort into trying to win, only to lose. It's like what was the point. Also, I hate people who gloat when they win. Those two things set me off and I can't control my emotions sometimes.

    A few examples would be:
    I don't mind losing mindless games like dominoes, rummy, Oh Hell, Life, or Sorry.
    I get super frustrated losing strategic games or games that require mental effort like Contract Rummy/Zioncheck, Ticket to Ride, Alhambra, or La Strada.

    Right now, I'm having an issue with the only video game I play, which is an online multiplayer game very similar to Mario Kart Wii (a racing game).
    I get frustrated when I lose because of the effort I put into winning. Like, playing to win causes my body to tense up and my breathing changes. I think I must hold my breath during the races. Sometimes, I even end up with back pain from tensing up.

    When I play the video game with the intention of not winning, I don't have any issues.

    So, it appears to me that my issue is that I get upset when I lose a game that requires a lot of mental effort. To me, I think it's that I put in all this effort only to lose.

    I also hate when people who started out worse than me, who I could easily beat, end up becoming better than me. It's like, everyone is better than me at something. Why can't I be better than others at something? It's frustrating that I can't. So I think there's also feelings of inferiority at play here.

    So, can anyone give me some tips for overcoming my issues? I know I have these issues, and that's great to know. But I can't seem to overcome them. I often feel like my mind is playing mind games with itself. It is a big problem.

    I thought I'd try playing the video game while drunk, but sometimes that results in me actually cursing at people. I haven't tried taking Xanax before playing. It might be worth it to try, just to see what happens.
     
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  2. NB79

    NB79 Active Member

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    Competivie online games.... there will always be someone better than you.
    You can only practice or study ways of getting better, the important part is not always winning i think but feeling you are good enough at the game. The problem is if its worth the effort or not. And if you are having fun.
    I stopped playing online games, because most of the time people were bullying each other.
     
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  3. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Maybe change the style of games you play, to those that don't have clear cut winning or losing, and are just more of a continuing process.
     
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  4. Ronald Zeeman

    Ronald Zeeman Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Real life is all about competing, I have two cats both fixed one female, one male. both outdoor cats, she attracts the other males in the neigbourhood. He gets into fights occasionally, even chases her back into the house. That's how life works. You may have to rethink, your approach to life. Maybe that's why I never played games, I am a loner, never been a team player.
     
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2021
  5. Matthias

    Matthias Well-Known Member

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    Unresolved emotions that you experience in your life around people can come out when playing video games or doing other activities. My impression from reading you post is that you're upset because you believe it's unfair that you put in a great amount of effort but did not reap any benefit from it since you didn't win. If you're upset because you believe other people treat you unfairly, then anything that reminds you of it can trigger those emotions. The only way I know to overcome those emotions is to evaluate and change your beliefs that are primarily responsible for the emotions you're experiencing. For example, if you think people treat you unfairly but you are able to look at things differently (such as believing people are misunderstanding you instead of deliberately treating you unfairly), you may find you no longer get upset when you lose a video game.
     
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  6. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    I would just keep reminding myself that it's all entirely pointless, win or lose.

    And Xanax would probably help at least somewhat.
     
  7. NB79

    NB79 Active Member

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    You need you nerves in games like this, xanax suppress them, how does that helps?
    Please be careful with drugs like this, they can be addicting, and do more harm than good in the long run.
     
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  8. Bolletje

    Bolletje Overly complicated potato V.I.P Member

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    If the games frustrate you that much, to the point where you wonder how you can chemically dull your response, you might want to take a step back and switch to a different type of game. I stopped playing most competitive multiplayer games because the toxic playerbases really stressed me out.

    These days I generally only play single player games, or multiplayer games with friends, both non competitive. Depending on my level of stress I choose what to play. Some days when I feel particularly low, I play cute little low stress sandbox games or adventure games.
     
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