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Featured How are your relations with your non-aspie siblings?

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by midlife aspie, Mar 21, 2016.

  1. Chocokat25

    Chocokat25 Active Member V.I.P Member

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    My only sibling is an NT older brother that I don't get along with. We were raised by my grandmother, who hated me (and made sure to tell me or show me often) but treated him like he could do no wrong. My brother bullied me and had his friends beat me for sport. My grandmother knew but never did anything about it. I wasn't allowed out of the house, except to go to school, and I wasn't allowed to have a lock on my door, so I was pretty much at their mercy. I'm not sure if they acted like that because I was different or if they were both just sociopaths.

    I ran away from home at 15 and never went back. I reconnected with my mother in my 20's and now I see my brother once a year when I go to my mother's family Christmas parties. My bother and I don't acknowledge each other. My mother blames me for the lack of closeness between us because I'm not sisterly enough and keeps me updated with what is going on in his life even though I have never shown an interest. He was in and out of jail in his teens but co-owns a construction business now. No girlfriends that I know of. I guess he is doing okay. I'm positive that he makes more money than I do, but he is too much of a jerk for me to be jealous of.

    No one in my family knows about my AS, just that I don't fit in with them. I don't think they would know what it was and would react badly to the news anyway.
     
  2. Rayner

    Rayner Well-Known Member

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    That's stinks I don't get along with my family either I understand where your coming from.
     
  3. danielcollins

    danielcollins Well-Known Member

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    I'm acutely aware that I have relationships that require maintenance, with NT's and I must talk to them regularly in order to retain a bond with them.

    But some of the time I don't want to be social, not that I don't want to talk to them - just that I don't want social interaction with them. This is difficult because I can feel the weight of social responsibility on my shoulders but I'm just trying to get by and keep myself happy.

    I go through spats of talking to my friends, I'll be very social for a period of time and invest a lot of energy in to chatting to people. Then I'll have a week or so where I don't really want to be in contact with people, but still aware of that maintenance required.

    I'm quite warey now of people as I'm sure many aspies have had problems with people abusing their trust. This has made me a bit cynical and guarded which is both good (as it protects me) and bad (I like to see the best in people) and has ultimately resulted in me withdrawing a few times because I don't want to invest in someone, I don't trust.

    It probably doesn't help that as much as I'd like to think I can judge character well I probably can't. So assume people are harmless and let them cause havoc in my life.

    Allergic to drama these days!
     
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  4. Hurting89

    Hurting89 Well-Known Member

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    My "half siblings" lives are all a mess. My relationship with them is basically non existent, not because of "my asperger's" but because of their chaotic personal problems and the fact that they live in another city.
     
  5. Billybob

    Billybob New Member

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    I have two brothers. I sometimes feel a little jealous of the one brother because he is doing pretty well in the military. I kindof wanted to do that, but you know the thing with the seemingly random panic attacks when someone was in my bubble was kindof an issue. None of us are overly social, so phone calls are pretty rare, but I think the relationships are ok. I do sometimes feel a little guilty not calling and stuff, so it's kindof nice to hear other folks aren't really close with the siblings either. Thankfully no real issues in the past for us, good job working through those things everybody that has bad history. Maybe they hate me and I am blissfully ignorant. Another good reason not to call, lol.
     
  6. R1K87

    R1K87 New Member

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    BAD. I'm 19, and I have 3 normal siblings, and one who can't walk or talk. they all seem to have the same opinion about me for the most part.

    My Sister (15) is probably the worst. My mom is constantly comparing me to her, and constantly complains about how I can never seem to do anything (to HER exact specifications.), while she's perfect- gets perfect grades, has a ton of friends, can drive, and Mom constantly puts her in charge if she goes anywhere even though I'm perfectly capable myself.

    And because of this, My sister has this giant ego to herself. she thinks I'm really stupid and incompetent, and sees no problem with going into my room and stealing things from me (Like my 3DS, for example)She always sucks up to my mom, living comfortably with the knowledge that she's Mom's favorite.


    The sad part is, sometimes she IS nice to me. we have a couple of mutual interests, like the MCU and Steven Universe, but about half the time, if I want to talk to her, she'll either ignore me and tell me to go away, or she'll interrupt every word out of my mouth with "Nuh- I don't Care" in a really stupid accent. I'm also not allowed to express any negativity towards Supernatural or American Horror Story or whatever other angsty fad she's into. And since all of my friends have moved on and don't talk to me anymore, she's the only "friend" I have left....

    My Brother (12) Is just as bad. he tries his absolute hardest to try and set me off by making annoying noises, like clicking sounds, farts, swears, and exaggerating every laugh. he disrespects everybody in the house, and has a very shrill, irritating voice. he targets me because I have Asperger's, and he knows he can get me to blow up. he gets a rise out of it.

    Sometimes when I scold him for being disrespectful he throws out threats, and if I actively try to keep him out of trouble, he outright beats me up. granted, I can take it because I'm an adult taking damage from a 12-year old, but I'm worried about what will happen once he hits puberty and actually starts gaining muscle. Oh, and when I DO try to keep him out of trouble, I’M the one who gets yelled at for “sticking my nose in other people’s business”.

    My other Brother (7) doesn't take much issue with me, but thanks to the other two, I think he believes I'm stupid and incompetent too, and he doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. he just LOVES the other two, though...

    And as for the other Sister (16), she's unable to walk or talk. Everyone expects me to like and respect her automatically because she's handicapped, but if I'm being honest, I really don't like her. It's a bad situation for her, I know, but it’s not easy for me either. She screams and cries all the time, beats her head on the wall, (both of which are LOUD) eats and drinks food that really grosses me out (pediasure and sphagetti-o’s, stuff like that), drools (which grosses me out), and poops in a diaper (again, grosses me out). As if that weren’t bad enough, she will only watch Spongebob (so that’s playing 24/7), and she has social workers, total strangers to me, coming into my home all the time. It’s very uncomfortable….

    I can’t wait until I move out, if that’s even a feasible option anymore…
     
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  7. Ylva

    Ylva Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Report her to the police.

    She's manipulative. So is your mother. And your brother is downright physically abusive. So there's that.

    Why wouldn't moving out be a feasible option?

    Personal anecdote: Whenever my mother gets irritated enough with my idiosyncracies and/or failure to read her mind, she threatens to kick me out; and every time, I prepare to live on the street for a while, but she always recants. I've never told her that I'm prepared to live on the street.
     
  8. midlife aspie

    midlife aspie Well-Known Member

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    I found the military to be the quickest and easiest ticket to total independence. I recommend the Air Force or Navy.
     
  9. R1K87

    R1K87 New Member

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    Ylva Nah, I'm not unreasonable. They're jerks, yes. unpleasant to live with, indeed, but petty thefts aren't worth sending someone to jail when It's more of a nuisance than anything. it's more of a problem of her just not asking permission, so I never have it when I want to use it.

    I think a lot of it is that they don't KNOW how much they hurt me sometimes- My Sister's just unempathetic, and my Mom suffers from a ton of sleep depravation and general stress, and doesn't know how to handle it well. I didn't go much into her, but she does a lot for me, and while I can clearly see she has a favoritism problem and a bit of a narcissism complex, she still does appreciate me a lot. when she does get angry at me, yes, it's downright emotional abuse (and sometimes it can be for downright stupid things, like not having friends, never going to social gatherings, and being too difficult to eat out with)

    But you're 100% right about my brother. My Parents have no idea what they're going to do about him, but they agree that something HAS to be done about his behavior.

    I can't really move out because my Mom doesn't think I'm capable of living on my own; I'm not out of college, I don't have any friends, and admittedly, I don't lead the healthiest of lifestyles. I'm also not great with finance- too much jargon I barely understand.

    Also, I'm a scrawny, sensitive guy. the Military is NOT the place for me
     
  10. Ylva

    Ylva Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    You are an adult, so your mother should have no say in the matter.

    Realistically, though: Can you negotiate something? Like your UN-given right to privacy? Are you capable of retaliation, wandering into your undiagnosed-personality-disordered sister's room and taking her stuff? Can you learn some simple self defense techniques, so as to mitigate the damage your brother does?

    I doubt she'd go to jail for petty theft. She's a minor; the police might sit down and have a chat with her, or even ignore your report.

    Maybe you could communicate to your parents in writing. A note saying "That hurts me" to show when they get emotionally abusive, for instance.
     
  11. R1K87

    R1K87 New Member

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    Even if she technically doesn't have control over me anymore, 1) it still feels that way because I'm still new to being an adult and I'm still her son living in her house, and 2) I still feel it would be in my best interest to listen to her in this case, since all the other stuff I mentioned DOES apply.

    I'm definitely capable of retaliating against her theft, either by stealing it back, or sometimes, if she's not being a jerk I can just ask for it back. My Brother definitely causes a little pain, but it's, what, a twisting of my arm? kneeing me in the gut? he doesn't respect me in the slightest, but I'm durable enough to where he can't do anything even remotely serious.

    I just wanted to vent a little- I understand some of these behaviors are abusive, and I probably shouldn't put up with it, but I wasn't expecting such harsh reactions- It's mostly the lower opinion of me, purposeful aggravating and gross-out that really bothers me, and all I wanted was a bit of sympathy and suggestions on how to deal with that. I guess I got a bit too carried away with all the negative stuff that I wound up possibly over-playing an abuse relationship...
     
  12. midlife aspie

    midlife aspie Well-Known Member

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    In 1993 I was 19, 5' 10" tall, and weighed all of 135 lbs. I had been kicked out of my home with no support and no job skills. All I had going for me was sheer determination and an indomitable will. I joined the toughest group that would have me: The United States Marine Corps. The 13 weeks at Parris Island were rough as h**l, and some guys even gave up, but not me! My senior drill instructor looked at me one day and said "We've got to put some meat on your bones!" and considered placing me on double rations. There was only one other guy in my platoon of 80+ recruits who was scrawnier than me. When your life gets tough you need to get tougher. My years in the Corps were the best of my life. Look into the military. Some states offer education perks to veterans, like in Illinois, where vets get free tuition to state funded colleges. Unfortunately, I did not enlist from Illinois myself. The point here is that there are many benefits, even if you join the Guard or reserves. Take charge of your life, whatever you do!
     
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  13. midlife aspie

    midlife aspie Well-Known Member

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    I forgot to add that on the day I graduated boot camp, my wicked mother had to admit (tearfully) that she was proud of me. That was the first (and last) time I heard such an utterance from her lips.
     
  14. NovaScotia Aspie

    NovaScotia Aspie Active Member

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    Terrible. Mostly because my AS caused so many problems when I was younger , it likely affected my siblings the most as far as me venting my frustrations. I can start feeling pretty guilty when I think back to my behaviour.
     
  15. ksheehan88

    ksheehan88 :)

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    I'm the eldest of three. The brother closer in age to me, (1 year 9 months difference) I can get along with if I only speak to him occasionally. If I have to spend any length of time with him he makes me want to pull my hair out - literally.

    My brother who is is 7 years my junior, however, is very much more like me in lots of ways so we tend to get along really quite well.
     
  16. Jorg

    Jorg Well-Known Member

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    I'm also the youger of three brothers, it is very difficult sometimes, my older brother is succesfull but sometimes I don't understand his desicions, he's an architect, he currently works on his own and I must say he has alot of discipline but he's constantly having problems with the rest of us because he's living with us in his middle 30's, he used to have his own house but rent it and went back to my family's home and some of his manners are like he owns the place so simetimes I argue with him. About 2-3 weeks ago we had a fight and he started yelling at me that I was raised bad by my parents, for f sake I know the sacrifices my parents have done not only me but for all of us, my parents are hardworking, they didn't went to college but they gave us a home and food, education and love, my brother was the first one who went to college and since I know him I can say he changed since started to go out to fancy and elegant places. He always want to do more and more money, he constantly searches to ways to get money, in some way is good but I've never seeing him do sometime with it, you know, travel or things like that, just save it.

    The opposite happends with my other brother (the middle one) I get along very well with him, he's a very humble dude and two weeks ago we went to Metallica's concert they gave in our country. He was nice to buy the tickets and when I have money I pay him mine but he rarely argues with me.
     
  17. sonnesun

    sonnesun Active Member

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    It's up and down, mostly down.
    My sister who has been a care worker for about a year is finally beginning to accept my Asperger's, I guess because she has seen similar things in others. But my brother who's a highly-paid London Underground tube train driver, and who lives in an extremely expensive posh town in Central London just down 5 minutes walk away from Leicester Square doesn't seem to want to accept it at all, he seems to believe that I am merely trying to make excuses for just about absolutely everything, looking for pity etc. It's odd in the way that his wife is the person who first suggested I may have Asperger's. As for my two half-sisters, I have nothing to do with them anymore as me and my dad no longer talk, but I feel that they think exactly the same as my brother. My under-achievements has always been a source of criticism, with less understanding. It's like they prefer to believe in the very worst with me.
     
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  18. cory

    cory Well-Known Member

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    I am the eldest of three brothers. Jesse is 10 years my junior. We got along very well when he was younger. Then he started calling out my ideosyncrosities as a negative. He is very arrogant and has trouble relating personally to others but is very personable (two faced). As time has gone by he's started to respect the different manner in which i think bc i can solve problems unlike (or in a different way) than most people. Josh who is three years younger than me became a heroin addict before he reached his 20s. Addicts are quite literally insane. I came up with a plan to get him to detox at a psych hospital by making up a story that i caught him trying to kill himself and i had to become his guardian at the hospital to involuntarily committ him. It worked but he immedietly relapsed. Last year his wife kicked him out and I also kicked him out of my house. After three weeks on the street and in homeless shelters he was shot. The bullit went through the arm and into his gut. This happened in broad daylight in a relatively busy part of downtown. He was in the icu for 30 days. He had less than a 1% chance of survival but he did. Now he's clean and better mentally and physically than he's been since he picked up the habit. (Ironically?) The bullet saved his life.
     
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  19. GBWest

    GBWest Member

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    Younger sister, whom I've not said a single word to for... 9-10 years now. She had a perfect life compared to me; good grades, lots of friends, all the boyfriends, none of the problems I had, etc. She claims to not know what she did to make me mad, but I don't believe that.
     
  20. anxiety247

    anxiety247 Active Member

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    I don't have a good relationship with my sister at all. She's been mentally abusive to me my whole life, calls me weird to her friends when I'm around and always trying to act like she's better than me.

    Unfortunately she always has more than me, she's popular, is able to work at a job that makes more money because of her social skills, a boyfriend who likes to do the same things she does.

    She has a terrible personality though and she's an awful person to everyone. I don't even know how she's popular tbh.

    I'm usually depressed for a few days after I'm around her, so I've started avoiding going around her even when family tells me I should go see her/spend time with her. I've tried, but they don't realize what the mental abuse does to me.

    I hate to say it, but I'm happier when I forget that I have a sister after months of not going around her.
     
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