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Hi! I'm new and I'm a NT in love with an Aspie and this is my story!

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by LoveDream, Jan 24, 2016.

  1. LoveDream

    LoveDream LoveDream V.I.P Member

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    About Me:
    -I am a NT Female in love with an Aspie Male.
    -I am an extremely friendly, open, happy social butterfly.
    -I am very expressive and think with my heart.
    -On a scale of emotion to logic; obviously, I'd score extreme on emotion.

    About My Relationship:
    -We have been together 8 years.
    -He's my best friend.
    -He's extremely intelligent and is a hard worker and good provider.
    -He's got a quirky sense of humor and can be very odd but I love it because it's what makes him unique.


    About Our Issues:
    -We struggle with communication. It's like we speak 2 different languages.

    -He focuses on facts and I could care less, I focus on feelings and to him it's irelevant and pointless.

    -He perceives my actions or advice in the most cynical light. I'll say, "ok, why don't you go do x,y,z" and he takes it like I'm bossing him around and will instantly criticize and dismiss my advice.
    -Or, I'll say, "Let's do this technique or strategy" and he will say that I'm trying to be the leader. Yet, he offers no techniques or strategies himself.


    -Generally, our fights get way off topic and he focuses on my "methods" and how "inefficient and poorly thought out" they are and becomes very insulting.
    -For example, he will say that my "method of thinking is bad and that if I worked in his field (he's an engineer), I'd be fired instantly."
    -This hurts my feelings and so now the fight is on how hurtful that was and he doesn't understand why. To him, it was a factual statement and I should want to know that my method was bad and I should be happy he told me and work on fixing it. To me, I don't care about a method, my feelings are hurt and it was unnecessary to be so mean.


    I am at a loss and cannot understand him as I imagine he is with me.

    About what I'd like from this blog:
    I'm here just to connect with others, who understand NT/Aspie struggles, learn from everyone and hopefully make lots of friends! ♡♡
     
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  2. Myway

    Myway Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Glad to hear you have a good Aspie friend. Yes, you do speak a different language from us, but don't panic. This may come in handy later. Work with him like you have been and you will be fine. If you have further questions about Aspergers or anything about our life, then feel free to ask us or you can private message someone. I am open if you need help or advice. Welcome to AC. Hope you learn a lot here.
     
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  3. LoveDream

    LoveDream LoveDream V.I.P Member

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    Thank you for your warm welcome! He is the love of my life! I just want to understand him and be kind and good to him. I'm here to learn and am thankful for the help! ♡♡
     
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  4. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Hi,
    I'm aspie male married to NT female (similar to how you describe yourself). We have been together 31 yrs.

    I'd say gaining a good appreciation/respect for each others thought processes is one of the things that helped us. But it did take a long time to get there. We did always try to communicate but ran into problems as you are. Eventually it was like we became two very entrenched and unmoving sides. We both had to abandon our defenses, and not talk about the past. We had to go at it like it was when we first met and willing to listen.

    The flip side of the differences can be very good, how we can compliment one anothers strengths and weaknesses. But it requires both being able to see and accept those weaknesses. There's no generalization, no easy guide. You have to look at each issue and perspective uniquely. The right way is neither the 'aspie way' or 'NT way'. In each case what makes the most sense and is most acceptable to you both.

    Some tendencies is aspies can be negative (as in NTs as well). You have to figure out which are the critical ones that need changing or modifying. But if they are not destructive, let them be.
     
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  5. LoveDream

    LoveDream LoveDream V.I.P Member

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    Hi Tom! Thank you for your support! Congrats on a successful relationship and marriage for a total of 31 years!! This is my inspiration!

    I agree that the hardest thing is not being defensive and letting the past go. It's a struggle but we are both trying.

    I like your advice of acting like we just met. I hadn't thought about like that. I will try this.

    I think he is the Ying to my Yang and we balance each other, being that we are on opposite sides. I like that he's different because he gives a point of view that I would have never seen.

    Yes, I will definitely keep in mind to focus on critical tendencies and to let everything else be. I think this will be extremely helpful.

    Thank you for the great advice!! ♤♤♤♤
     
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  6. ZachChong7

    ZachChong7 Member

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    That would be a fantastic story/memoir/book.
     
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  7. LoveDream

    LoveDream LoveDream V.I.P Member

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    What an interesting idea ;)