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Hi guys! Female recently diagnosed in my 30's and struggling to maintain work/life balance

Ada_F34r

Ada_F34r

New Member
Hi everyone!

Great to meet you and looking forward to chatting with people much like myself!!

I was diagnosed at the end of last year after years and years of what I was told was depression and anxiety- but I've been really struggling with meltdowns recently and had one at work yesterday, which resulted in me being dragged into the office and being told to go home as it was radiating on to the staff and the residents. I was also told I should see my GP. All of this has left me feeling all kinds of mixed feelings. My meltdowns aren't the shouting type, I get very emotional and cry but I can't help but feel ashamed of myself like I've done something wrong? Also, I was on my break when all this occured and other members of staff were there to witness it- I just felt I couldn't control it like anxiety took over? The next thing I knew the manager was shouting from the bottom of the garden for me to get into her office.

I just feel completely drained today, mentally and physically. Like I can't function and like I won't be able to hold down any work no matter how much I try. Always happens at work, I'll be fine for a while then "boom" haha!!

I just want to know if anyone else struggles like this and if there any tips/ways you can manage this? It'll be great to get some advice from some fellow aspies/auties & other lovely neurodiverse! It's so difficult trying to sustain a lifestyle in a world full of NT's sometimes- although they do try to help most of the time I feel like they just don't 'get it' -which of course, they won't. Just really at a loss atm.

Thanks for allowing me to vent!

A x
 
welcome to af.png
 
Warm welcome to the site Ada. :) I do hope you will find yourself as welcome as i did when i came in here and still am in here.
 
First of all, welcome :)

I think everyone has a slightly different experience with these events,...meltdowns (explosions) and shutdowns (implosions),...but ultimately, these don't "just happen" without some warning signs first. Being self-aware of your stress levels, quality of sleep, nutrition, any medications your are taking, the environment you are in, the people you are around,...all that plays into this. As an adult,...for the most part,...once you realize this and educate yourself,...you also realize that you do have some control of your situation.

1. L-theanine and GABA supplements to help reduce the excess in excitatory neurotransmitters
2. Melatonin and chelated magnesium to help with sleep.
3. Do you have any known or unknown food allergies that create inflammatory reactions that effect brain functioning? There are home testing kits available online.
4. Instead of taking a 45-60min lunch break, are you able to take 5-10min "mini-breaks" to collect yourself, take a sip of water, eat a small snack, in a bathroom, locker room, break room, etc?
5. Are the people around you loud, obnoxious, and/or "toxic"? Time to be around some different people.

Take care of your brain. Know your limitations. Pace yourself.
 
Neonatal RRT said:
First of all, welcome :)

I think everyone has a slightly different experience with these events,...meltdowns (explosions) and shutdowns (implosions),...but ultimately, these don't "just happen" without some warning signs first. Being self-aware of your stress levels, quality of sleep, nutrition, any medications your are taking, the environment you are in, the people you are around,...all that plays into this. As an adult,...for the most part,...once you realize this and educate yourself,...you also realize that you do have some control of your situation.

1. L-theanine and GABA supplements to help reduce the excess in excitatory neurotransmitters
2. Melatonin and chelated magnesium to help with sleep.
3. Do you have any known or unknown food allergies that create inflammatory reactions that effect brain functioning? There are home testing kits available online.
4. Instead of taking a 45-60min lunch break, are you able to take 5-10min "mini-breaks" to collect yourself, take a sip of water, eat a small snack, in a bathroom, locker room, break room, etc?
5. Are the people around you loud, obnoxious, and/or "toxic"? Time to be around some different people.

Take care of your brain. Know your limitations. Pace yourself.
Click to expand...
Hi!

Thanks so much for your advice!

Yeah I could totally feel one was building up- I hadn't had much sleep, work had been stressful and my chronic pain had been getting on top of me. (I have a condition called Idiopathic intracranial hypertension which is basically excess spinal fluid around your brain causing a lot of pressure and pain in your head.) I also have ADHD and find it so hard to control my emotions and my impulsivity. So my ADHD side will be like "yeah I can totally take on that extra task at work! In fact, I can do two!" And my Autism is like "Wtf have you done that for!?" Thus, a storm is unleashed haha! On a serious note though you're right. And I am equipped enough to get these impulses under control- I just need to be firmer with myself.

Thanks for your advice on the supplements- I had no idea about those!

With food I avoid wheat as I'm sensitive to gluten and I know a bad stomach can be a trigger.

I think when it comes to staff at work, not everyone is going to be friendly. I just have to try and manage myself around those people. Most of them are cool and I get on with them well. I've spoke to the manager today and gone onto a Bank rota so I can pick my own shifts which I think will be much more effective for me going forward.

Getting to know my limitations more everyday even if they are a slap in the face haha!! Thanks again :)
 
Honestly, traditional work is one of those instances where it's incredibly apparent that the world functions according to what NTs can handle and there's not really a whole lot of wiggle room for anyone else. Similarly, I've always wished that it were acceptable in our culture to signal to NTs that we're not emotionally available or can't / won't interact for certain periods of time to let the cooldown phase settle in so we don't do something we might regret during a meltdown.

I've got no advice because I've always struggled with traditional employment due to the aforementioned reasons, but I hope you figure out something that works for you - and do let us know, if you think about it.
 
One can try to change the environment or come up with methods of dealing with the current one.

For me it was not one answer for all situations (ie sometimes you can't change the environment, or at least not quickly).

I don't think your particular way of responding is unusual at all, and I have seen it in as many NTs as ASD folks. In NTs I think it is usually characterized as them being very sensitive. It may be one of the areas we (NT and ASD) overlap. But the last thing I would say is it is something to be ashamed of. It's a characteristic I consider positive not negative. My wife is that way (she is also NT) and it is a great connecting place for us.

As far as methods for handling work related stress I am not sure what worked for me will work for you. But I believe it mainly consisted on keeping my focus and mind on things other then the bothersome aspects of the work place. Sometimes it was hyper focusing on the work and sometimes escaping into my own head.
 
Tom said:
One can try to change the environment or come up with methods of dealing with the current one.

For me it was not one answer for all situations (ie sometimes you can't change the environment, or at least not quickly).

I don't think your particular way of responding is unusual at all, and I have seen it in as many NTs as ASD folks. In NTs I think it is usually characterized as them being very sensitive. It may be one of the areas we (NT and ASD) overlap. But the last thing I would say is it is something to be ashamed of. It's a characteristic I consider positive not negative. My wife is that way (she is also NT) and it is a great connecting place for us.

As far as methods for handling work related stress I am not sure what worked for me will work for you. But I believe it mainly consisted on keeping my focus and mind on things other then the bothersome aspects of the work place. Sometimes it was hyper focusing on the work and sometimes escaping into my own head.
Click to expand...
Absolutely love this and thanks so much! You're absolutely right and neurodiverse or not, at the end of the day we're all human.

In regards to work I'm sure I'll figure it out.. eventually! It's been years and many different jobs but I'll keep trying haha!! :)
 
Welcome! Hopefully you'll develop a better understanding of your triggers and strategies on how to minimize and mitigate exposure.
 
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