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Featured Hi can anyone help me? With this problem

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by Jessica01, Mar 26, 2020 at 7:08 AM.

  1. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I know that feeling well. It is very hard. But from experience also know that once a person has decided to move on from you, the sooner you accept it the better. Hanging on to the idea only prolongs the sadness with false hopes. I also know from experience that you do eventually get over it and if another person enters your life it can be even better then before.
     
  2. Jessica01

    Jessica01 Active Member

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    I can’t get over him right now
     
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  3. Varzar

    Varzar Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I still would suggest sending something to him tomorrow sometime.. Just the grudge thing makes me suggest closer to the 48 hour part of the window, not the 24 hour part..

    You shouldn't be left waiting and wondering either.. That's not fair for you. I agree with Darwin, the idea he's still be responding to you suggests to me there is some hope..

    So, give it the one last shot at sending him a message tomorrow.. And if he's still unwilling to talk it out, or accept your apology, then it will be time to move on I'm afraid..
     
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  4. Jessica01

    Jessica01 Active Member

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    Thankyou
     
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  5. Varzar

    Varzar Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I hope it works out for you. :)
     
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  6. Darwin

    Darwin Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    If you decide to wait, I think you should let him know that by telling him that you will give him some time to think about it. There is a chance that he would think you just moved on if you stopped messaging him for 1-2 days. I hope he forgives you, but, if you got back together, you really would need to talk with him about that grudging issue because it really wouldn’t be easy later. Couples do say the wrong things sometimes, and even yell at each other. It’s normal. It’s not like you are identical twins that there’s is a zero chance of misunderstanding or conflict of interests sometimes.

    Maybe that’s not what you wanna hear, but if he insists on being mad at you after all what you have done, it will probably be best for you too to end the relationship. It’s very likely that your relationship with him, in the long term, and with his issues with forgiving, will be hard, especially on you. If he forgave you, there would be hope that you try and help him with that particular issue. If he didn’t, it would mean that his attitude would be very hard to be changed.

    Wish you good luck, though. :)
     
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2020 at 6:39 PM
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  7. GadAbout

    GadAbout Well-Known Member

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    We know your description of your boyfriend's likely diagnosis. Now get him on the line so we can ask him his description of your diagnosis. Maybe something like OCD or co-dependent?

    Sorry if that seems harsh. But we regularly get NT people coming in here wanting to know how to fix up their relationship with an autistic, or sometimes suspected autistic, person. Quite a bit of the time, the situation is doomed, but the NT (neurotypical) person is unwillingly to accept that. I'm far more willing to answer questions from autistic people trying to work out their relationship problems with NTs. Possibly you care more about this relationship than your guy does?
     
  8. paloftoon

    paloftoon Well-Known Member

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    How long has this relationship gone?
    If, say, it's only been 1 month, then he might be like if you feel this way now, then why does he want to get himself and "deal" with a potentially bigger mess down the line. If it's been awhile, then he may feel betrayed because he spent so much time in something he thought where you really were into him and weren't questioning it.

    By saying what you said, it could imply that you don't feel a connection or feel too unsure. What you previously said can imply your lack of trust. He can reasonably feel that he didn't give you a good reason to show/imply such distrust. I'd say give things a week or two at most, then try one more time. Preferably in-person 1-1 if you can arrange that. If not, then a phone call, and if not, a carefully worded e-mail that is short, but to the point with a friend checking it over for you first. I hope it all works out for both of you.