I’m going to try not to give too much backstory to this, since it’s somewhat long. I’ve known since I was a child that there was something very different about my mum. She’s now in her mid-60s and has a plethora of health issues, both mental and physical. She doesn’t speak to most of her family, and of the many friends she’s made over the years she’s only managed to keep one, who doesn’t live close by. Her neighbours don’t like her. She does speak to my dad (though they’re separated) but the relationship is not a good one. I’m virtually the only person she has left, and I’m so scared because I can feel our relationship circling the drain too.
After our most recent spat it occurred to me (not for the first time) that the key thing going wrong is communication. She says one thing but in such a blunt way I interpret it as aggressive. I say something and she takes it too literally. We both go away confused and hurt, even though all we both want to do is spend time together and enjoy each other’s company.
This time I went away and started googling. I somehow ended up on Jaime A. Heidle’s blog – the articulate autistic. It was honestly mind blowing for me. The different behaviours he writes about, virtually all of them I see in some capacity in my mum. The reality of it brought me to tears. I have been trying to read around the subject since then, and I’m convinced this is what she’s been experiencing. The reason she thinks the world is against her. The reason she doesn’t understand why someone took something the wrong way and I have to explain it to her. So many things just clicked into place and made sense.
I know that she’ll never agree to see a professional about this. Not that this is too relevant since it looks as though there are very few resources for adult diagnosis in the region I’m in (south of the UK.) But she’s so distrusting of doctors since she’s had a few very traumatic incidents with surgeries (pretty sure there’s some PTSD mixed up in there too), and she’s of the generation where mental health and spectrum disorders were considered something of a farse.
I don’t know if things could be made worse by me taking it as fact that she is neurodivergent but I’m so convinced at this point I don’t know if it makes a huge difference. By the sounds of it, because she’s a woman I’m not sure she’d be diagnosed anyway.
There seems to be a tonne of resources for parents with autistic kids, but virtually nothing for kids of autistic parents! So what I’m asking for, in essence, is any resources which people have found truly helpful and resonate with the situation I’m in. I’m happy to take the time to try and learn, but there’s so much research on autism that it’s difficult to know where to start. I just want to know how to behave around her so that we don't end up falling out, or communication breaks down.
I would like to try and show her a snippet of what autism in adult women looks like, from the perspective of women (particularly older-late diagnosis) to see if this is just as revolutionary for her as it was for me. She is not a good reader (her eyes are a bit bad) but I’ve got her on my audible account, so any really good books on there would be great.
Please anything that is relevant or helpful I would be so grateful of. I’m worried that I’m running out of time with her to fix this.
After our most recent spat it occurred to me (not for the first time) that the key thing going wrong is communication. She says one thing but in such a blunt way I interpret it as aggressive. I say something and she takes it too literally. We both go away confused and hurt, even though all we both want to do is spend time together and enjoy each other’s company.
This time I went away and started googling. I somehow ended up on Jaime A. Heidle’s blog – the articulate autistic. It was honestly mind blowing for me. The different behaviours he writes about, virtually all of them I see in some capacity in my mum. The reality of it brought me to tears. I have been trying to read around the subject since then, and I’m convinced this is what she’s been experiencing. The reason she thinks the world is against her. The reason she doesn’t understand why someone took something the wrong way and I have to explain it to her. So many things just clicked into place and made sense.
I know that she’ll never agree to see a professional about this. Not that this is too relevant since it looks as though there are very few resources for adult diagnosis in the region I’m in (south of the UK.) But she’s so distrusting of doctors since she’s had a few very traumatic incidents with surgeries (pretty sure there’s some PTSD mixed up in there too), and she’s of the generation where mental health and spectrum disorders were considered something of a farse.
I don’t know if things could be made worse by me taking it as fact that she is neurodivergent but I’m so convinced at this point I don’t know if it makes a huge difference. By the sounds of it, because she’s a woman I’m not sure she’d be diagnosed anyway.
There seems to be a tonne of resources for parents with autistic kids, but virtually nothing for kids of autistic parents! So what I’m asking for, in essence, is any resources which people have found truly helpful and resonate with the situation I’m in. I’m happy to take the time to try and learn, but there’s so much research on autism that it’s difficult to know where to start. I just want to know how to behave around her so that we don't end up falling out, or communication breaks down.
I would like to try and show her a snippet of what autism in adult women looks like, from the perspective of women (particularly older-late diagnosis) to see if this is just as revolutionary for her as it was for me. She is not a good reader (her eyes are a bit bad) but I’ve got her on my audible account, so any really good books on there would be great.
Please anything that is relevant or helpful I would be so grateful of. I’m worried that I’m running out of time with her to fix this.