Hello

[EdR]

Hello.

My name is Ed. I am a 63 year old man who in the last week came to the awareness that I probably have Aspergers. My scores on on-line AQ tests are 28 and 29. I have researched Aspergers intensively in the last few days and have had my eyes opened. Tomorrow morning I have an appointment with LCSW as a first step in resolving my problems.

My characteristics are reasonably typical; Mensa member and zero friends, successful plant manager with zero allies at work. My wife hates me because I am so uncommunicative, I dread social occasions and lately I am so reclusive that I am unwilling to call anyone on the phone. My solution to uncomfortable social occasions is to drink too much. I am able to retreat within myself to hide,forget, restore my energies and awaken to face another day.

Through my research and by lurking on a few forums, I have learned that virtually all of my problems that I blamed on intolerant or ignorant others probably were the result of my inept social abilities, close mindedness and other traits common to Aspergers.

My goal is to fix myself as much as possible. It would be wonderful if there was a magic pill that would do the trick, but that option does not appear to be available. So I am not real sure what sort of remedy/therapy or other treatment that is in my future, but I really want to resolve or at least minimize my issues.

Sitting here this evening I would like to rebuild bridges that I have burned through my many faux pas, but that may a goal too far. This saddens me.

Tomorrow begins my adventure with professional help. My guess on the process is that tomorrow's appointment will be talk, followed by second session that involves testing and hopefully some remedial process will begin by the third session.

 

[zurb]

Welcome to AC

 

[Suzanne]

Oh very much welcome, Ed.

I discovered aspergers about 8 year's ago and yes, as is the common denominator on here, it was like a light bulb being turned on for me. I had difficulty accepting it at first, because it is too easy to read and think: that is me and besides, I am not autistic at all and so, tried to sweep it away, but it kept persisting, to the point that from, never hearing, to always hearing.

I came to the conclusion when, once again, an argument between hubby and me, ensued and suddenly I blurted out that I think I may have aspergers and tried to explain it to him, but typically, I did it all wrong and so, all he heard was: autistic and laughed at me.

I soon thought that I must be on the very edge, since I can read emotions; have not got a monotone voice. But then, by chance searching on the Internet, I came upon this site and goodness me, when I did the online test, you can see my results. I have a lot clearer understanding now and realised that I have learned to read emotions, to the point of reading either too well or misreading.

I have trained myself to look in the eye but do find when agitated, I can't.

Mmm are we narrow minded completely? Surely it is relative to the situation? Of course, yes, I do tend to be very blinkered on what I believe is right, but VERY quick to apologise when I see I am wrong.

This site amazes me, because it helps me so much to understand who I am and so, I hope it helps you too.

Sorry your wife hates you, because you are not social. Perhaps she will stop despising you soon and if not, take heart because my husband is very nt man and it has taken him having to face that something is going on with his wife. He cannot deny the evidence in front of him, so to give him credit, he is trying to understand and even emailed me, to remind me that I was going to resend the link for female aspies! However, getting him to take time to read it, is another story. He does have weighty responsibilities but for goodness sake, surely trying to understand your partner is more important than insisting on watching a western online? There are some things I can work on about myself, but there are others I cannot.

Sorry for the book

 

[Harrison]

Hello.

My name is Ed. I am a 63 year old man who in the last week came to the awareness that I probably have Aspergers. My scores on on-line AQ tests are 28 and 29. I have researched Aspergers intensively in the last few days and have had my eyes opened. Tomorrow morning I have an appointment with LCSW as a first step in resolving my problems.

My characteristics are reasonably typical; Mensa member and zero friends, successful plant manager with zero allies at work. My wife hates me because I am so uncommunicative, I dread social occasions and lately I am so reclusive that I am unwilling to call anyone on the phone. My solution to uncomfortable social occasions is to drink too much. I am able to retreat within myself to hide,forget, restore my energies and awaken to face another day.

Through my research and by lurking on a few forums, I have learned that virtually all of my problems that I blamed on intolerant or ignorant others probably were the result of my inept social abilities, close mindedness and other traits common to Aspergers.

My goal is to fix myself as much as possible. It would be wonderful if there was a magic pill that would do the trick, but that option does not appear to be available. So I am not real sure what sort of remedy/therapy or other treatment that is in my future, but I really want to resolve or at least minimize my issues.

Sitting here this evening I would like to rebuild bridges that I have burned through my many faux pas, but that may a goal too far. This saddens me.

Tomorrow begins my adventure with professional help. My guess on the process is that tomorrow's appointment will be talk, followed by second session that involves testing and hopefully some remedial process will begin by the third session.

Hi Ed, welcome to AC. Like yourself I am an older aspie and was diagnosed around ten years ago, having suffered much as you have done I took the time to find out how I can function in a world I typically wanted no part of.

My lifestyle had already incorporated certain things into it that kept my anxiety levels down, I was self employed for most of my life, practised Taiqi which kept me relaxed, and avoided social events whenever possible.

The most important thing for me was to reconcile my past actions with my new diagnosis, especially with the few people who were close to me. Letting them know that I had aspergers was my first move, I provided them with the opportunity to read up on why I presented myself in the way I did. For some people it was enough for them to modify their behaviour towards me, just as my awareness of my conditon set me on a course of learning to modify my own behaviour.

It is important that those whom you connect to understand that there is no 'cure', aspergers is not a disease or mental illness that can be erased, we are wired differently and react differently and are as unique amongst other aspies as we are amongst neurotypicals (NTs).

For me, I made a decision to not phone people, I let them know that phonecalls created a level of anxiety that would spill over into other areas and that I was happy dealing with emails or messages. It took a while but now no-one, including work, calls me unless it is an emergency. They will drop a message to my phone or email me, new people are told to do this from our initial meeting.

We have an excellent resource section here, something that will not only be useful to you but also of use to your wife. Perhaps she could be encouraged to join for a while as we have no exclusion rules for NTs, and if she can see that we share similar traits and that we can overcome some of them with support from our partners, perhaps she will cut you some slack.

Everyone here will be happy to help you on your journey of discovering the aspie-you.

Enjoy your stay.

Harrison

 

[EdR]

Oh very much welcome, Ed.

I discovered aspergers about 8 year's ago and yes, as is the common denominator on here, it was like a light bulb being turned on for me. I had difficulty accepting it at first, because it is too easy to read and think: that is me and besides, I am not autistic at all and so, tried to sweep it away, but it kept persisting, to the point that from, never hearing, to always hearing.

I came to the conclusion when, once again, an argument between hubby and me, ensued and suddenly I blurted out that I think I may have aspergers and tried to explain it to him, but typically, I did it all wrong and so, all he heard was: autistic and laughed at me.

I soon thought that I must be on the very edge, since I can read emotions; have not got a monotone voice. But then, by chance searching on the Internet, I came upon this site and goodness me, when I did the online test, you can see my results. I have a lot clearer understanding now and realised that I have learned to read emotions, to the point of reading either too well or misreading.

I have trained myself to look in the eye but do find when agitated, I can't.

Mmm are we narrow minded completely? Surely it is relative to the situation? Of course, yes, I do tend to be very blinkered on what I believe is right, but VERY quick to apologise when I see I am wrong.

This site amazes me, because it helps me so much to understand who I am and so, I hope it helps you too.

Sorry your wife hates you, because you are not social. Perhaps she will stop despising you soon and if not, take heart because my husband is very nt man and it has taken him having to face that something is going on with his wife. He cannot deny the evidence in front of him, so to give him credit, he is trying to understand and even emailed me, to remind me that I was going to resend the link for female aspies! However, getting him to take time to read it, is another story. He does have weighty responsibilities but for goodness sake, surely trying to understand your partner is more important than insisting on watching a western online? There are some things I can work on about myself, but there are others I cannot.

Sorry for the book

Thank you for your reply, Suzanne.

I too am quick to believe that I am correct but I am analytical and admit my faults in errors. Unfortunately, I am good at spottin mistakes in real events and factual things and quite inept spotting errors regarding feelings and relationships.

I aim to improve.

My initial session went well, I think. It was all conversation but I felt comfortable and was completely open and honest. I have a second session scheduled for next Tuesday.

Thank you

Ed

 

[EdR]

Hi Ed, welcome to AC. Like yourself I am an older aspie and was diagnosed around ten years ago, having suffered much as you have done I took the time to find out how I can function in a world I typically wanted no part of.

My lifestyle had already incorporated certain things into it that kept my anxiety levels down, I was self employed for most of my life, practised Taiqi which kept me relaxed, and avoided social events whenever possible.

The most important thing for me was to reconcile my past actions with my new diagnosis, especially with the few people who were close to me. Letting them know that I had aspergers was my first move, I provided them with the opportunity to read up on why I presented myself in the way I did. For some people it was enough for them to modify their behaviour towards me, just as my awareness of my conditon set me on a course of learning to modify my own behaviour.

It is important that those whom you connect to understand that there is no 'cure', aspergers is not a disease or mental illness that can be erased, we are wired differently and react differently and are as unique amongst other aspies as we are amongst neurotypicals (NTs).

For me, I made a decision to not phone people, I let them know that phonecalls created a level of anxiety that would spill over into other areas and that I was happy dealing with emails or messages. It took a while but now no-one, including work, calls me unless it is an emergency. They will drop a message to my phone or email me, new people are told to do this from our initial meeting.

We have an excellent resource section here, something that will not only be useful to you but also of use to your wife. Perhaps she could be encouraged to join for a while as we have no exclusion rules for NTs, and if she can see that we share similar traits and that we can overcome some of them with support from our partners, perhaps she will cut you some slack.

Everyone here will be happy to help you on your journey of discovering the aspie-you.

Enjoy your stay.

Harrison

Thank you for your response Harrison.

Your advice about telling others is something that I have thought about and have yet to make a decision. I am leaning towards telling a few, but that is a bridge that I fear crossing today.

Again, thank you very much.

Ed

 

[Rocco]

Welcome aboard

 

[tree]