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Hello. This is what I’m going through

oceanical

Member
hi everyone.
Im undiagnosed but I’m pretty sure I’m both on the spectrum and an ADHDer. I’m also a very queer person.
I live with my dad and my younger brother, who I also suspect are on the spectrum and are ADHDers.
I started investigating about autism around five years ago, but it wasn’t until I started to listen to afab autistics that also have adhd a few months ago that I finally relate to someone… like never before!

Im going through a rough time tbh
I should have already finished university, but I’m stuck with it for two more years… and I don’t even know if I’ll ever use my degree. I continue mostly because it’s what my dad wants. I live in his home and I depend on him.
This really frustrates me. I hate being a burden to him. I need to start making money and help more, and I’ve tried several times, but with each fail (both at making money and with my studies) my mental health has been going down, and it wasn’t as good to begin with. I grew up depressed, anxious and alone. I haven’t really had access to mental health services and my dad doesn’t really believe in it, he thinks it is all on me to “decide to get better and do the stuff that needs to be done” or something. Even if he believed in therapy, medication, etc, we have no access to it, we can’t afford it.
Our house is a mess. Our lives are a mess. We are a mess, and my dad just says that it is the way that it is, he sees it almost as a family curse, what makes total sense, I’m sure a lot of his family was/is neurodiverse too.
Very recently he has started to accept this possibility, opening up and telling me about his social struggles though his life.
He is getting old but he still has to work to sustain us, and it is getting more and more difficult for him to make money.
I feel desperate. I don’t know where to begin and I feel very alone.
Sorry to start this way, I really wanted to tell someone what I’m going though
 
hi everyone.
Im undiagnosed but I’m pretty sure I’m both on the spectrum and an ADHDer. I’m also a very queer person.
I live with my dad and my younger brother, who I also suspect are on the spectrum and are ADHDers.
I started investigating about autism around five years ago, but it wasn’t until I started to listen to afab autistics that also have adhd a few months ago that I finally relate to someone… like never before!

Im going through a rough time tbh
I should have already finished university, but I’m stuck with it for two more years… and I don’t even know if I’ll ever use my degree. I continue mostly because it’s what my dad wants. I live in his home and I depend on him.
This really frustrates me. I hate being a burden to him. I need to start making money and help more, and I’ve tried several times, but with each fail (both at making money and with my studies) my mental health has been going down, and it wasn’t as good to begin with. I grew up depressed, anxious and alone. I haven’t really had access to mental health services and my dad doesn’t really believe in it, he thinks it is all on me to “decide to get better and do the stuff that needs to be done” or something. Even if he believed in therapy, medication, etc, we have no access to it, we can’t afford it.
Our house is a mess. Our lives are a mess. We are a mess, and my dad just says that it is the way that it is, he sees it almost as a family curse, what makes total sense, I’m sure a lot of his family was/is neurodiverse too.
Very recently he has started to accept this possibility, opening up and telling me about his social struggles though his life.
He is getting old but he still has to work to sustain us, and it is getting more and more difficult for him to make money.
I feel desperate. I don’t know where to begin and I feel very alone.
Sorry to start this way, I really wanted to tell someone what I’m going though
A failure is nothing more than a chance to learn. Don't give up.

If he believes it's a curse and not him giving up, then the curse has worked. We are dealt our cards and now we have to play out our hand. It depends on if you're going to give up or not. :)

Maybe try to help your father as much as possible...that will change his outlook as well as yours. Change your outlook, change your life.
 
Hello and welcome.

Many of us come here with great sadness and frustration in our hearts, and I think as a whole, we on the forum are not afraid of hearing about the difficult feelings people go through. So don’t feel like you had to introduce yourself with cheer and optimism if that is not what you are feeling.

I hope that we can be supportive to you, and become an outlet for dealing with difficult feelings and also, hopefully for building connections with others who will understand.
 
That frustration can be so loud and unsettling. Can you just put college on the back burner and start working? Tell him you need a break from college, on the premise that you don't feel healthy pursuing this. If the house is a mess, what can you do everyday? Just one or two things being cleaned everyday will add up to 30 things in one month. You need to gently guide him to reality, because his reality isn't working. Sometimes we hit rock bottom to wake up and take action. Being numb to everything is hard, but perhaps you can see this as your time to leave this funk with some simple steps.
 
1684595337092.png
 
A failure is nothing more than a chance to learn. Don't give up.

If he believes it's a curse and not him giving up, then the curse has worked. We are dealt our cards and now we have to play out our hand. It depends on if you're going to give up or not. :)

Maybe try to help your father as much as possible...that will change his outlook as well as yours. Change your outlook, change your life.
-Not ever giving up
-Helping as much as I can

I’ll go with that. Thanks
 
Hello and welcome.

Many of us come here with great sadness and frustration in our hearts, and I think as a whole, we on the forum are not afraid of hearing about the difficult feelings people go through. So don’t feel like you had to introduce yourself with cheer and optimism if that is not what you are feeling.

I hope that we can be supportive to you, and become an outlet for dealing with difficult feelings and also, hopefully for building connections with others who will understand.
Hello, thanks for welcoming me. I realice now how usted I am to masking, to pretend that everything is fine in front of others.
I am starting to open up to people around me and I guess I really needed to open up in a space that feels safe, in an anonymous way, that takes a lot of pression off because feeling judged is horrible. It is the firs time I open up about my selfdiagnosis and about my struggles in a forum. I am happy I found this place and I do hope I manage to connect with people eventuall, here and in the offline world. Thanks again for your words.
 
That frustration can be so loud and unsettling. Can you just put college on the back burner and start working? Tell him you need a break from college, on the premise that you don't feel healthy pursuing this. If the house is a mess, what can you do everyday? Just one or two things being cleaned everyday will add up to 30 things in one month. You need to gently guide him to reality, because his reality isn't working. Sometimes we hit rock bottom to wake up and take action. Being numb to everything is hard, but perhaps you can see this as your time to leave this funk with some simple steps.
This is my last chance to finish. I have taken breaks from it before so I’m running out of time. I have gone so far and I am given a chance to finish. My dad says I should do it just for the self discipline of ending what I started. And I do want to, but sometimes I feel so overwhelmed I forget.
We tend to clean for an entire day or a weekend and then we get absorbed by our every day lives that we make a minimum if not nothing, letting the mess come back quickly. We live in the mess until we finally have another cleaning day and the cycle repeats. So, yes, consistency is what we need to develop.
 
Welcome. Parts of your story are relatable to me, and I'm sure many others as well.

My desk for example is quite cluttered, but yet there's a sense of order in that I know where things when I need to find them.

As for school, I ended up in a rather different direction than what I had studied, and that's actually quite common. If anything, entering a field of work with an unorthodox background can help one better identify concerns and novel solutions to things.
 
and I don’t even know if I’ll ever use my degree.
Here is a secret . . . . many of us do not directly use our degrees. I am degreed in Molecular genetics / Cell biology and except for a turn in basic research, never directly used it during a time when research grants were collapsing and commercialization was a pipe dream. However, I used all of my skills, first in Nuclear Pharmaceutical manufacturing and finally drugs and devices. Along the way I discovered that I had a facility with Applied Statistics. I could understand uncertainty and contributed significantly to product quality. Do not short sell your college training.
 
FORGOT TO WELCOME YOU @oceanical . So welcome. Is your avatar an Ocean Sunfish, mola mola? I thinkof them as macroplankton. I first saw them as we were plowing through miles of moon jellies near the Farallons.

Diving and aquatic fauna is one of my special interests.
 
Welcome. Parts of your story are relatable to me, and I'm sure many others as well.

My desk for example is quite cluttered, but yet there's a sense of order in that I know where things when I need to find them.

As for school, I ended up in a rather different direction than what I had studied, and that's actually quite common. If anything, entering a field of work with an unorthodox background can help one better identify concerns and novel solutions to things.
Sadly in our case is not a functional mess, is chaos. No one finds anything haha… but we are working on it i guess.
And it is not that I think I’ll work in a different area. I’m studying arts and i really hope I can make a living out of it, but I’ll prefer to go freelance probably. I’ve always liked drawing, painting, etc. and I’m pretty good at it, I also write stories since I was little. One of my ultimate dreams is to make my comics. It is not that what I’m studying isn’t helpful at all… the education quality is lacking to say the least tho.
I think my major problem now is that I’m burned out. I also have a massive executive disfuncion issue, so complete anything (my studies, a story, a business project) has been impossible so far.
 
Here is a secret . . . . many of us do not directly use our degrees. I am degreed in Molecular genetics / Cell biology and except for a turn in basic research, never directly used it during a time when research grants were collapsing and commercialization was a pipe dream. However, I used all of my skills, first in Nuclear Pharmaceutical manufacturing and finally drugs and devices. Along the way I discovered that I had a facility with Applied Statistics. I could understand uncertainty and contributed significantly to product quality. Do not short sell your college training.
In a lot of areas, as yours, academic studies are necessary or at least very helpful. But it’s a bit tricky with arts hehe.

My studies where supposed to be 5 years. It’s been almost 6. I have taken several breaks. I have around 85% of progress, I have taken all of the practical classes and I did learn a lot (in some more than others). I just have to do a few more classes and my social service but there are four specific classes I have to take, one each semester (so two more years no way to rush it).
if I was going trying to get a master, or work in a museum, or be an art teacher, I should definitely get my degree. But I don’t see myself in that path.
When I’m calm, I think that I do really want to finish. Because I’ve come so far, an to not close any job opportunity. But i need to find some kind of stability to be able to do it.
 
FORGOT TO WELCOME YOU @oceanical . So welcome. Is your avatar an Ocean Sunfish, mola mola? I thinkof them as macroplankton. I first saw them as we were plowing through miles of moon jellies near the Farallons.

Diving and aquatic fauna is one of my special interests.

Thank you very much!
and it is a sunfish. Woahhh that must have been an incredible experience!!
I haven’t dived. I live close to the beach and I love going to swim. Just floating in the salty water is one of the most magical things to me... I’m also extremely terrified of the ocean haha but I hope I’ll have the opportunity to see this magnificent creatures one day
 
Thank you very much!
and it is a sunfish. Woahhh that must have been an incredible experience!!
I haven’t dived. I live close to the beach and I love going to swim. Just floating in the salty water is one of the most magical things to me... I’m also extremely terrified of the ocean haha but I hope I’ll have the opportunity to see this magnificent creatures one day
I have learned that in diving you are merely a visitor and you cannot be afraid. I have had close encounters with schools of barracuda or hammerhead and once saw a beautiful leopard shark. The critters I really like are Nudibranchs, shell-less snails. Here are a couple.
FB_IMG_1619798474344.jpg
FB_IMG_1619798481508.jpg
 
In a lot of areas, as yours, academic studies are necessary or at least very helpful. But it’s a bit tricky with arts hehe.

My studies where supposed to be 5 years. It’s been almost 6. I have taken several breaks. I have around 85% of progress, I have taken all of the practical classes and I did learn a lot (in some more than others). I just have to do a few more classes and my social service but there are four specific classes I have to take, one each semester (so two more years no way to rush it).
if I was going trying to get a master, or work in a museum, or be an art teacher, I should definitely get my degree. But I don’t see myself in that path.
When I’m calm, I think that I do really want to finish. Because I’ve come so far, an to not close any job opportunity. But i need to find some kind of stability to be able to do it.
Have you ever thought of going into product design, using your skills in the arts? I have a friend (ASD, too) who was into commercial product design, but he was an excellent photographer and ended up doing ophthalmic photography in the medical field. While change is hard, I think that finding ways to accept change and identify opportunities helps significantly.
 
Sadly in our case is not a functional mess, is chaos. No one finds anything haha… but we are working on it i guess.
And it is not that I think I’ll work in a different area. I’m studying arts and i really hope I can make a living out of it, but I’ll prefer to go freelance probably. I’ve always liked drawing, painting, etc. and I’m pretty good at it, I also write stories since I was little. One of my ultimate dreams is to make my comics. It is not that what I’m studying isn’t helpful at all… the education quality is lacking to say the least tho.
I think my major problem now is that I’m burned out. I also have a massive executive disfuncion issue, so complete anything (my studies, a story, a business project) has been impossible so far.
Clutter isn’t a problem…. Until it’s a gigantic problem for me. I go from not even seeing the mess to desperately trying to fix the mess. It’s exhausting.

Do you have your own room or a car that’s only yours? Long before I had a stable living situation, I had a car. It was a rolling pile of crap but it was my space. I waxed it, polished the rims, and vacuumed the interior almost daily. I kept my favorite things in it and it made me feel ‘at home’. It was long before I knew anything about Autism and hadn’t self-diagnosed for another 20 years.

Maybe you could find a space that feels like my car did to me? It could even be your favorite tree at a local park. Go plant a few flowers and water them daily. It only needs to be a place where you can be certain that you have control of the noise and chatter in your head without interruption from those in your life who cause stress, even if they are well-meaning people.

Also…. college degrees are becoming less and less valuable. Employers are requiring them for good paying jobs but experience is becoming more and more what gets the job. Having said that: If you quit school, you’ll probably never go back. You have a huge decision to make.

Is it your house? Is it your name on the lease or mortgage? I’m gonna guess the answer is “No”. You can’t fix anyone else’s problems, especially if you haven’t been able to fix your own. One day you will have your own home. That’s the day when it’s your responsibility to “fix the mess”
 
I have learned that in diving you are merely a visitor and you cannot be afraid. I have had close encounters with schools of barracuda or hammerhead and once saw a beautiful leopard shark. The critters I really like are Nudibranchs, shell-less snails. Here are a couple.View attachment 103513View attachment 103514
What an absolute beauty!!

I have a friend who was phobic of sea animals, mainly sharks. she worked through her fear and now she is capable of dive and swim with sharks and all kinds of stuff. I don’t think my fear is as strong as her was, so her story gives me hope.

This are some some draws I’ve made over the years.
My interest in animals isn’t really scientific haha
tho there was a time I thought of working in the making of scientific illustration, but didn’t knew how to enter the field… and my interest shifted quickly, that has always been a problem for me. I’m starting to get good in something when I not only loose interest in it but get completely absorbed in another project…
3B8BF0F2-F58A-4142-8D44-BCED4A4A3660.png
FAD48E93-8089-4894-B890-40603134C158.jpeg

1F6FD848-9084-4103-8F48-65CC034EBC28.jpeg
 
Have you ever thought of going into product design, using your skills in the arts? I have a friend (ASD, too) who was into commercial product design, but he was an excellent photographer and ended up doing ophthalmic photography in the medical field. While change is hard, I think that finding ways to accept change and identify opportunities helps significantly.
Change is hard, but I think staying where I am know feels even worse. I think that is why I decided to join this place. I want to find ways to change. I hope your friend enjoyed that work, sound very interesting and so random that he got there haha
 

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