Hello, my name is Brian, I am new here.

[Tired]

To my observation here over the years, women interested in particular men here manage to connect through Private Messaging. Not open threads for everyone to weigh in on.

That said, I can think of four members who managed to marry one another. Though both marriages ended in divorce as well. Haven't seen any of them here in some time.

I can't blame anyone for wanting to keep such socialization relatively private...male or female.

I myself found a man here, and I didn't come here to search for anyone, so yeah, true that.
The last thing I would want is to openly search for anyone to date, or start chatting with anyone who is specifically searching for a date. That's just not me. If anything ever happens - it is through friendship.

 

[Judge]

I myself found a man here, and I didn't come here to search for anyone, so yeah, true that.

Indeed. I suspect some of those I mentioned probably didn't have the same intention either. That it just happened. Another reason for people so desperate to make such a connection take heart in how things can happen when you least expect them to.

 

[velociraptor]

I myself found a man here

Me too. Now I just need to convince @Judge to marry me.

 

[Judge]

Me too. Now I just need to convince @Judge to marry me.

Does that mean I can get onto YOUR health plan ?

 

[BrianWV39]

I myself found a man here, and I didn't come here to search for anyone, so yeah, true that.
The last thing I would want is to openly search for anyone to date, or start chatting with anyone who is specifically searching for a date. That's just not me. If anything ever happens - it is through friendship.

To each their own. I do not mind being upfront and honest about my desire for a girlfriend

The more people I can talk to about my desire for a girlfriend hopefully the sooner I can get into a relationship

 

[Chingching]

I'm a woman myself and I know that if a man becomes an incel then he likely has issues to begin with and that is a red flag because he won't suddenly become all affectionate and loving once a girl does take an interest but I could be wrong

You're not like that - you're calm and understanding and positive so that will likely give you more chance of finding someone online I reckon

 

[BrianWV39]

I'm a woman myself and I know that if a man becomes an incel then he likely has issues to begin with and that is a red flag because he won't suddenly become all affectionate and loving once a girl does take an interest but I could be wrong

You're not like that - you're calm and understanding and positive so that will likely give you more chances of finding someone online I reckon

Thanks, I try not to judge others too much. I just try and be as kind and honest to other people as possible thank you again.

 

[Chingching]

Well unfortunately I'm married but I have still taken notice of you.
Hopefully there'll be other women who are free and things develop.

 

[Jonn]

I'm not here to change who I am in any degree. I am happy to be blunt, honest and open about who I am and what I like. I have no interest in changing who I am or even changing the way other people perceive me. If someone does not like me just as I am; then I really do not care.

I am the same.

If people have questions for me they may ask anything under the sun I will always be honest. But I am not here for advice or to be changed in anyway.

This has been my understanding from the start.

I am just trying to put myself online as much as possible in order to look for a girlfriend

That is the one and only reason I am here. I like who I am now I am just trying to find someone else who likes who I am

Fair enough.

 

[Jonn]

I'm curious how these two quotes from less than 2 days apart don't contradict each other.

It could simply be an interest in how other people see things, or a desire to interact socially. <shrug>
I.E. Information gathering.
I do this all the time.

You do you my friend, but if you aren't willing to "play the game", I hope for your sake that you don't expect to "win".

Even if you "Play the game", there are no guarantees, but your chances can improve.

 

[Jonn]

I have gotten used to the fact that who I am and the person I am does not generate much interest. That is ok though. I am not trying to change who I am. Just putting myself out there until I meet the right potential girlfriend

I think you did a good job here.
I am impressed with your direct approach.

Having done that, maybe it is time to just develop friendships now and see how things go.

 

[Jonn]

I just offered you a better way to present yourself to prospective partners including facts we established about you in another thread, but you didn't want it for some reason I still don't understand.

As they say, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

Brian and I may be similar here.
If someone forces advice onto me, it isn't going to work.

Your premise seems to be that you have the answers and that someone is refusing to take quality advice.
I find that interesting.

Someone who is open minded, someone who is understanding and empathetic. Someone who can accept that I have been a square peg trying to push through a round whole my whole life and this has exhausted and depressed me.

I am sorry to hear you feel that way.
I have been there, but it was a very long time ago.

It is not the end of the world.

No, it isn't.
I am glad you can see that.
Many don't.

But yes, I struggle greatly with depression, loneliness and anxiety. I have done my best on my own and I could certainly use some help in fact I would love some help

There are women out there who are very nurturing.
I know this as a fact, since I have met quite a few.
The problem is finding them.
And that is what you are in the process of doing right now.

Someone who realizes that even though I am different I am dependable, honest, caring, and loyal. That even if I come across as broken today maybe with time, I will not seem so broken

This is how you are coming across to me, hence the time I am spending replying to your posts.

 

[Wizardry]

Even if you "Play the game", there are no guarantees, but your chances can improve.

Yes, absolutely. My point was that it's difficult to win if you refuse to "play the game" the way it's "meant to" be played. If you're playing chess, behaving as if you're playing checkers isn't a winning strategy.

Brian and I may be similar here.
If someone forces advice onto me, it isn't going to work.

Your premise seems to be that you have the answers and that someone is refusing to take quality advice.
I find that interesting.

I don't see it as "forcing" advice onto him, but rather offering advice to him. I was looking at another thread of his titled "How to appeal to neurodivergent women online?" and finishing some of my incomplete thoughts from that thread on this thread instead since this one's active and the other one isn't, and they're both about roughly the same subject matter. Also, only a few posts earlier, OP said he was open to advice, so offering advice here appeared to be appropriate.

I'm not claiming to have all the answers, but I'm confident that the facts I suggested OP include in a bio or while talking about himself to prospective partners are more informative, more likely to resonate with others, and thus, more likely to get him the results he wants than if he just says "I love weed, I love sex and I like music" or "I'm 39, autistic and from West Virginia". I've seen at least three women on OP's threads outrightly tell him that the facts he includes when describing himself are either too generic or don't paint him in a favourable enough light to be likely to resonate with women. This is consistent with what I would have expected based on what I understand about how the dating market tends to function (which you could probably say is a "special interest" of mine).

If the advice I gave isn't ideal or applicable for OP's situation, that's one thing, and I'd prefer he mention that so it could be amended to be more suitable, but OP instead glossed over the advice entirely seemingly without even considering whether it could actually be useful or applicable to him.

I'm coming from a place where my dating situation is similar to OP's, but unlike many people with desolate dating lives, I've invested a significant amount of time in trying to understand the dating market as a system, the mechanisms of it, and why some remain chronically single while others don't. I've also spent a significant amount of time thinking about psychology, what motivates people and why they make the choices they do. My affective empathy is pretty weak (mainly due to my own emotional numbness), so instead, I've developed very robust cognitive empathy and the ability to map people's internal states based on predictable patterns of human behaviour and well-honed inductive reasoning about human motivations and emotional states. My perspective on this matter is informed by all of the above.

I want OP to succeed at dating and waste as little time as possible on strategies and approaches that are likely to go nowhere.

 

[Jonn]

Yes, absolutely. My point was that it's difficult to win if you refuse to "play the game" the way it's "meant to" be played. If you're playing chess, behaving as if you're playing checkers isn't a winning strategy.

You communicate well.

 

[Jonn]

To each their own. I do not mind being upfront and honest about my desire for a girlfriend

This could be a "Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus" thing.

The more people I can talk to about my desire for a girlfriend hopefully the sooner I can get into a relationship

The possible problem with this direction is that you may start to appear as being desperate.
As suggested, friendships can develop into something more.

 

[Jonn]

I admire the op's positive attitude and I think he will find a girlfriend eventually

He comes across as a genuinely sensitive and honest individual.