Hello everyone,
My name is Scarlet, nice to meet you!
I'm a young lady in my early 30's who loves PC gaming, beauty, documentaries, history, movies, politics, my two cats, cooking, and most of all: the love of my life, my boyfriend with autism. *Scroll down for the TLDR-version
.
I'm not entirely unfamilair with (what I believe is called today) 'neurodiversity'. I was officially diagnosed with ADHD myself when I was 21. Relieved, for I had finally found somewhat of an answer to my questions. And angry, because I felt society was telling me that I did not fit in because of who I am, and I had to adjust to what was being expected of me.
It's not easy being told you are different and that you have to change who you are because who you are, is being labeled as 'not functional'. A struggle I learned to accept and balance out over the last 10+ years, and I hope my partner will find his version of 'acceptance' and 'balance' as well, because I can see he is struggling. On a daily basis. And sometimes, it breaks my heart. Seeing him like that.
My partner and I have been together for a little more than 4 years. I got to know him before he got his diagnoses, when he was at a very low point in his life. Being plagued by a rare headache disorder (TAC's, feel free to google) and unable to comprehend what was happening to him, he lost nearly all he had. His education, his job, his social life, his hobbies. Things went from bad to worse to nearly impossible. And that's when I came into his life. Not that I was a great catch myself, since I had gotten a new diagnoses myself only a short while before: a chronic pain syndrom, apparently also neurological and no cure or decent treatment other than symptom relief. I lost my job because of it (social work) and needed to find myself again.
And still, between the hurt and the pain, the chaos and the grief of having lost things, we found each other. And once we started talking, we didn't stop. Life seemed good again and despite a long, sometimes difficult journey, our relationship started to grow to the point where we are now: 4 years together, living together since april last year, sharing the bad and the good things in life, both convinced that this is it. As he likes to call it, his soulmate. And I share that feeling, despite being much less romantic than my boyfriend is.
Somewhere in between he got diagnosed with autism, roughly about 2 years ago after having been sent from one psychologist to another because they didn't know what to do with him. A couple of months later, he also got diagnosed with ADHD. And that is when things started to fall in place.
Reading back what I wrote, this does sound like a horrible sobstory But it is definitely our story. A little intense sometimes, both having our own diagnoses and struggles, but it is still our story. One that I am proud of.
But I did not come here to tell you how proud I am. I came here with a reason, and that reason is that I think I need a little help in how to deal with autism as a partner.
I try to be there for him as well as I can but I feel no shame in admitting that I sometimes can't. He is an amazing person and I love every fibre of him but as his partner, I also feel frustration, among other things.
I learned the hard way that being familair with neurodiversity does not mean you can fully understand one another. No matter the similarities or correlation between both ADHD and autism: there are things I do not understand. There are things I find hard to deal with. There are things I struggle with and I need to find a way to cope with that, so that we can focus more on the beauty of our relationship, and less on the consequences of our diagnoses, illnesses and disorders. I am not looking for that one golden solution that 'makes it all go away'; I am looking for harmony and balance. Something that we do not have at this moment.
My boyfriend has had treatment for autism, mostly psycho-educational. Treatment is about to start again after he moved in with me and thus moved to another province, which means a new organisation, new people, and a new start. He is very willing to get help (which I am very grateful for) but things are not going so smooth because of various reasons, the TAC's being one of them. He is not one to give up easily, and neither am I. But he is also someone that rarely asks for help and is very convinced he needs to deal with his garbage 'solo'. And that is where we differ, because I do not mind asking for help when I know I have gone through that annoying phase of 'I need to handle this on my own!' for too long, without getting much result for the effort I have put into it. I am here to share, to learn, to reflect, and to grow. And hopefully also to support others if I can.
*TLDR-version: Hi, I'm Scarlet and I'm here hoping to find the tools to bring back a little more harmony and balance in my relationship with my boyfriend with autism. I am here to share, to learn, to reflect, and to grow. And hopefully also to support others if I can.
~Scarlett.
My name is Scarlet, nice to meet you!
I'm a young lady in my early 30's who loves PC gaming, beauty, documentaries, history, movies, politics, my two cats, cooking, and most of all: the love of my life, my boyfriend with autism. *Scroll down for the TLDR-version
.I'm not entirely unfamilair with (what I believe is called today) 'neurodiversity'. I was officially diagnosed with ADHD myself when I was 21. Relieved, for I had finally found somewhat of an answer to my questions. And angry, because I felt society was telling me that I did not fit in because of who I am, and I had to adjust to what was being expected of me.
It's not easy being told you are different and that you have to change who you are because who you are, is being labeled as 'not functional'. A struggle I learned to accept and balance out over the last 10+ years, and I hope my partner will find his version of 'acceptance' and 'balance' as well, because I can see he is struggling. On a daily basis. And sometimes, it breaks my heart. Seeing him like that.
My partner and I have been together for a little more than 4 years. I got to know him before he got his diagnoses, when he was at a very low point in his life. Being plagued by a rare headache disorder (TAC's, feel free to google) and unable to comprehend what was happening to him, he lost nearly all he had. His education, his job, his social life, his hobbies. Things went from bad to worse to nearly impossible. And that's when I came into his life. Not that I was a great catch myself, since I had gotten a new diagnoses myself only a short while before: a chronic pain syndrom, apparently also neurological and no cure or decent treatment other than symptom relief. I lost my job because of it (social work) and needed to find myself again.
And still, between the hurt and the pain, the chaos and the grief of having lost things, we found each other. And once we started talking, we didn't stop. Life seemed good again and despite a long, sometimes difficult journey, our relationship started to grow to the point where we are now: 4 years together, living together since april last year, sharing the bad and the good things in life, both convinced that this is it. As he likes to call it, his soulmate. And I share that feeling, despite being much less romantic than my boyfriend is
.Somewhere in between he got diagnosed with autism, roughly about 2 years ago after having been sent from one psychologist to another because they didn't know what to do with him. A couple of months later, he also got diagnosed with ADHD. And that is when things started to fall in place.
Reading back what I wrote, this does sound like a horrible sobstory
But it is definitely our story. A little intense sometimes, both having our own diagnoses and struggles, but it is still our story. One that I am proud of.But I did not come here to tell you how proud I am. I came here with a reason, and that reason is that I think I need a little help in how to deal with autism as a partner.
I try to be there for him as well as I can but I feel no shame in admitting that I sometimes can't. He is an amazing person and I love every fibre of him but as his partner, I also feel frustration, among other things.
I learned the hard way that being familair with neurodiversity does not mean you can fully understand one another. No matter the similarities or correlation between both ADHD and autism: there are things I do not understand. There are things I find hard to deal with. There are things I struggle with and I need to find a way to cope with that, so that we can focus more on the beauty of our relationship, and less on the consequences of our diagnoses, illnesses and disorders. I am not looking for that one golden solution that 'makes it all go away'; I am looking for harmony and balance. Something that we do not have at this moment.
My boyfriend has had treatment for autism, mostly psycho-educational. Treatment is about to start again after he moved in with me and thus moved to another province, which means a new organisation, new people, and a new start. He is very willing to get help (which I am very grateful for) but things are not going so smooth because of various reasons, the TAC's being one of them. He is not one to give up easily, and neither am I. But he is also someone that rarely asks for help and is very convinced he needs to deal with his garbage 'solo'. And that is where we differ, because I do not mind asking for help when I know I have gone through that annoying phase of 'I need to handle this on my own!' for too long, without getting much result for the effort I have put into it. I am here to share, to learn, to reflect, and to grow. And hopefully also to support others if I can.
*TLDR-version: Hi, I'm Scarlet
and I'm here hoping to find the tools to bring back a little more harmony and balance in my relationship with my boyfriend with autism. I am here to share, to learn, to reflect, and to grow. And hopefully also to support others if I can.~Scarlett.
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