CrystalStars
New Member
Good day, everyone.
I'm going to start things off by admitting that I honestly don't know if I have autism. For many years I was under the impression that I just have OCD and social anxiety. But lately I've been wondering if maybe there was more to it than that. Then a video popped up on my feed and when I watched it things clicked and I related to what was being said. Ever since then I've been watching more videos, taking online tests and reading up on autism and I'm becoming more convinced that I might actually have autism. Yet... I'm unsure because I have a history of self diagnosing myself. But this time feels different.
A little about myself to clarify some things. I mentioned OCD. I like checking things to make sure everything is in order. I like checking the stove and appliances. I have to check my phone to make sure what time it is. If I don't have a clock on my person I freak out. I always check to make sure people are not angry with me, even if they have no reason to be angry with me. I am also very slow when I work on things. I'm an artist and I like sewing. But I work very slowly because I notice tiny things wrong with my art or what I'm sewing, that other people wouldn't notice, and it bothers me so much that I have to fix it. Same thing with my work. I am an accountant and I have to make sure I enter numbers correctly and I hate being a couple of cents off, so I am very slow at my work. It's sort of frustrating sometimes because my supervisor will tell me don't worry about it, it's only off by a little bit. And I will be like "No, it's wrong!" Of course I don't say it to his face, but internally I am screaming. Haha.
As for the social anxiety, my roommate coined the term "people threshold". Every time I go out to diner with friends I will just check out completely out of the blue. Tell them sorry but I need to leave, then go home and play video games. Because I feel like I just can't be around people anymore. I feel so bad when I do this because I know it's rude to just eat diner then leave abruptly. But I just can't socialize anymore. Some days I can engage in conversation, other days I'm quiet and keeping my head down. I absolutely hate making phone calls. It's silly, but I need to prepare myself for about 20 minutes before I can pick up the courage to make a phone call.
So, those are the things I believed to be OCD and social anxiety. Here are some things I do that made be think I might have autism. The biggest thing is I rock when I'm sitting. I don't even need to be stressed out. But when I sit down I'm normally rocking back and forth. I've been doing it since high school. I've been told if I don't stop, then I won't be able to keep a job. Thing is, no matter what I do, I can't stop. If I stand, I'm swaying from side to side. When I'm walking from room to room, I'm curling my fingers.
I have obsessions! If something interests me I will do so much research and just vomit everything I know to friends and family, even if they clearly don't care. For example, I love hand drawn animation and Don Bluth. I will go into explicit detail about certain Don Bluth movies and all my friends aren't nearly as interested as me.
Some small things to note that I do. People can't just make plans with me out of the blue. They need to give me at least a day's notice if they have plans. Even if I have nothing planned or I know I won't be doing anything. It freaks me out when sudden plans are sprung up on me. People can't touch my things without my permission, otherwise I get upset. Certain noises and voices make my visiably flinch. I game with friends and if too many people talk at once, it feels like I'm smacking into a brick wall.
I think that's all I can remember off the top of my head. Again, maybe this is a health anxiety episode I'm having. Maybe everything I'm experiencing is a bunch of anxiety disorders bunched into one package. I don't know if I'll try getting assessed. I don't know if my family doctor will take me seriously given my history of self diagnosing. I apologize if I'm reaching the wrong conclusion.
Thank you for reading!
Enjoy your day!
I'm going to start things off by admitting that I honestly don't know if I have autism. For many years I was under the impression that I just have OCD and social anxiety. But lately I've been wondering if maybe there was more to it than that. Then a video popped up on my feed and when I watched it things clicked and I related to what was being said. Ever since then I've been watching more videos, taking online tests and reading up on autism and I'm becoming more convinced that I might actually have autism. Yet... I'm unsure because I have a history of self diagnosing myself. But this time feels different.
A little about myself to clarify some things. I mentioned OCD. I like checking things to make sure everything is in order. I like checking the stove and appliances. I have to check my phone to make sure what time it is. If I don't have a clock on my person I freak out. I always check to make sure people are not angry with me, even if they have no reason to be angry with me. I am also very slow when I work on things. I'm an artist and I like sewing. But I work very slowly because I notice tiny things wrong with my art or what I'm sewing, that other people wouldn't notice, and it bothers me so much that I have to fix it. Same thing with my work. I am an accountant and I have to make sure I enter numbers correctly and I hate being a couple of cents off, so I am very slow at my work. It's sort of frustrating sometimes because my supervisor will tell me don't worry about it, it's only off by a little bit. And I will be like "No, it's wrong!" Of course I don't say it to his face, but internally I am screaming. Haha.
As for the social anxiety, my roommate coined the term "people threshold". Every time I go out to diner with friends I will just check out completely out of the blue. Tell them sorry but I need to leave, then go home and play video games. Because I feel like I just can't be around people anymore. I feel so bad when I do this because I know it's rude to just eat diner then leave abruptly. But I just can't socialize anymore. Some days I can engage in conversation, other days I'm quiet and keeping my head down. I absolutely hate making phone calls. It's silly, but I need to prepare myself for about 20 minutes before I can pick up the courage to make a phone call.
So, those are the things I believed to be OCD and social anxiety. Here are some things I do that made be think I might have autism. The biggest thing is I rock when I'm sitting. I don't even need to be stressed out. But when I sit down I'm normally rocking back and forth. I've been doing it since high school. I've been told if I don't stop, then I won't be able to keep a job. Thing is, no matter what I do, I can't stop. If I stand, I'm swaying from side to side. When I'm walking from room to room, I'm curling my fingers.
I have obsessions! If something interests me I will do so much research and just vomit everything I know to friends and family, even if they clearly don't care. For example, I love hand drawn animation and Don Bluth. I will go into explicit detail about certain Don Bluth movies and all my friends aren't nearly as interested as me.
Some small things to note that I do. People can't just make plans with me out of the blue. They need to give me at least a day's notice if they have plans. Even if I have nothing planned or I know I won't be doing anything. It freaks me out when sudden plans are sprung up on me. People can't touch my things without my permission, otherwise I get upset. Certain noises and voices make my visiably flinch. I game with friends and if too many people talk at once, it feels like I'm smacking into a brick wall.
I think that's all I can remember off the top of my head. Again, maybe this is a health anxiety episode I'm having. Maybe everything I'm experiencing is a bunch of anxiety disorders bunched into one package. I don't know if I'll try getting assessed. I don't know if my family doctor will take me seriously given my history of self diagnosing. I apologize if I'm reaching the wrong conclusion.
Thank you for reading!
Enjoy your day!