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Hello everyone ! Aspergers in relationship ?

C

CamiLove

New Member
Hi everyone!

I’m new to this site and I hope I’m welcome! My boyfriend and I are long distance and I am here on this site to hopefully get some insight into how I can help him feel more comfortable and himself.
Thanks for the advice in advance!
 
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Welcome. Are you or your boyfriend professionally diagnosed? Both? Neither?
 
It's cheesy, but true for all relationships: communication and managing expectations are both key to a succesfull relationship. Keep the lines of communication open, try to solve arguments in a constructive way and try not to make snap judgments without understanding your partner's perspective.
 
Magna said:
Welcome. Are you or your boyfriend professionally diagnosed? Both? Neither?
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Thank for the welcome! My boyfriend is diagnosed with Asperger’s, yes. I am here to find resources and to get advice on how to better our communication and our relationship
 
CamiLove said:
..and I am here on this site to hopefully get some insight into how I can help him feel more comfortable and himself...
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I don't think you can do that easily. I know professionals who have Masters/PHDs in the field who find it very difficult, because there are some general principles but each person is so different as to make the process somewhat unique and requiring trial and error and analysis.

But just as you may find some things a person on the spectrum strange or troubling, so too they can find your behavior confusing. Its a fertile field for misunderstandings.

What you can do is be yourself and explain what makes you feel comfortable. Hopefully he will open up about his own perspective. Some times you can simply sort things out, sometimes a compromise may be found, and sometimes there is no apparent solution. In the last case as long as it doesn't really hurt anyone, just let it be and accept it (or vice versa).
 
Just try to know HIM. :) We are all so different. ASD means a unique person and a unique person means no one like him/her. We are a collection of unique people that might have a few things to tie us together which are required for a DX, but we are WAY more different to one another than we are the same. But welcome! We will help you with what we can :)
 
Hi and welcome, it's good that you are finding out more about the autism and Aspergers spectrum, but as people have said, we are all varied and your boyfriend is an individual with many aspects. But I do think understanding more about the general ballpark of autism would likely be helpful. I hope you enjoy it here and find the the threads and resources useful.

:bee::beetle::blossom::sunflower::cat:
 
in addition to what has been said, for my wife (NT) and I (ASD) one big thing has been navigating unspoken assumptions.
She will feel that I should just 'know' some things, I dont. She needs to tell me clearly and directly what is causing her pain, making her sad or angry. Pretty much every time, even after almost 10 years.
 
CamiLove said:
Thank for the welcome! My boyfriend is diagnosed with Asperger’s, yes. I am here to find resources and to get advice on how to better our communication and our relationship
Click to expand...

Thank you. I can only speak for myself as an autistic man in a relationship (marriage)
Barymore said:
in addition to what has been said, for my wife (NT) and I (ASD) one big thing has been navigating unspoken assumptions.
She will feel that I should just 'know' some things, I dont. She needs to tell me clearly and directly what is causing her pain, making her sad or angry. Pretty much every time, even after almost 10 years.
Click to expand...

Words I live by, not just with my wife but with people in general: "Say what you mean and mean what you say."

If the world lived by that mantra (along with The Golden Rule), imagine how the world would be a much different and much better place.

I respect the fact that there are neurotypical people who find non-verbal communication a very important thing and in certain cases, a necessary component to what they require in what they consider to be a meaningful relationship. I do not criticize such people. For such people, however, I also don't think it's realistic for them to be paired with people who can't read non-verbal cues and can't just "know" things about how a person feels. I also think such people should respect those of us that can't read non-verbal communication rather than consider us to be toxic relationship material which as we all know is unfortunately an all too common misperception.
 
Welcome to the Forums.

Do have a read around of the threads here and you will find lots of info, experience and tips - some of which may help you
 
Welcome CamiLove.

Lots of information here and people willing to answer specific questions.
 
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