Hello, and I wish to thank everyone in advance for listening

[timotb]

Greetings and thanks to everyone in advance for listening. This section is supposed to be for introductions but, I might as well say it all.

My wife has a 21-year-old son (born in 2002, also is a fraternal twin) living in Texas with his dad. He is currently attending The University of Huston. His interests are political and wants to go into politics. He is high functioning, very tenacious, and highly focused on his goals to the point of obsession. At age 11 he was diagnosed with Aspergers from the Cleveland Clinic main campus, here in Ohio. I don’t believe anything in his life changed because of the diagnosis, in part because of some family denial. His focus is like “looking at a tree intensely but not seeing the forest.”

He recently ran for and won student council president this year in a seriously contested election. His school grades, however, took a big hit. More recently he was stopped for speeding doing 111mph. We suspect he wasn't driving fast for the thrill, rather he wasn’t aware of his speed because his attention was elsewhere. Thankfully his keys were taken away, as this is a serious safety concern.

He is feeling very “down” regarding his grades and the speeding issue, so he acknowledges his failures and likely would be cooperative in finding a solution. I know little about Aspergers (except from watching “Dating on the Spectrum” on Netflix). We are not sure how to approach this problem except he needs to learn to identify and manage it. He has an appointment scheduled with a random psychiatrist two months from now, in August. Long time to wait for an unknown person.

We were wondering if someone could point us to a local support group, and maybe a specific doctor specializing in Aspergers in the Houston (NE) Texas Area?

 

[Rodafina]

Hi @timotb

Welcome to the forum.

In your profile it says you are diagnosed with autism, but you say you don’t know much about it. Is that diagnosis for your stepson?

We are a supportive group. Perhaps he would like to join the forum and talk to us about some of his struggles. I’m confident we could be helpful as we have people on the spectrum from all walks of life and all ages here who have overcome many difficult challenges in life.

 

[timotb]

Hi @timotb

Welcoming to the forum.

In your profile it says you are diagnosed with autism, but you say you don’t know much about it. Is that diagnosis for your stepson?

We are a supportive group. Perhaps he would like to join the forum and talk to us about some of his struggles. I’m confident we could be helpful as we have people from the spectrum from all walks of life and all ages here who have overcome many difficult challenges in life.

I made changes to my profile to be more clear that I am just a concerned older adult for this younger (21) diagnosis adult.

Secondly, you may have answered my first question here. This is the support group. I was thinking more about of a local face-to-face get-together, but I guess not everyone would feel comfortable looking at other people in the eye and saying, " Hi everyone, I have Aspergers!"

I will suggest this forum. But of course, I can only, "lead a horse to water..."

 

[Hypnalis]

@timotb

Just search for "neuro-diverse support group and the correct location.
ASD is a "Disorder" so the term "ASD" isn't popular with HFA's (i.e. people who don't need support to live a normal life, and can't be easily diagnosed).
BTW that doesn't mean help and education isn't justified, but there's no mainstream method., or even agreement on what might be done to help, and how it could be delivered.
(as an aside - this isn't "fair". But the way the world works these days, with loud, disruptive, politicized collective whining the best path to get justified assistance even with simple things, we're at a disadvantage
:
:
If he is failing at school because he's become a student politician, the solution to that is simple enough.
If he's an Aspie and he has to choose one, and he's studying something useful, (Finance, STEM, etc) ditch the student politics.
:
:
Regarding the traffic incident:

111 mph is fast on most combinations of road and car.

On a road designed for 70 mph (so "normal" 55 mph, "max" 90) 111 would require very active driving.
For example it's fast enough for a standard car's steering geometry and suspension to be inadequate, requiring continual corrections with the steering wheel. This is outside the experience of normal drivers too - hence all the youtube videos of people with normal driving skills making "impossible" mistakes /lol.

Of course cars exist that can handle that speed on normal roads (though nowhere near as many as mainstream car manufacturers claim) but if your stepson wasn't in one, this wasn't a matter of "being distracted by some other priority".
And the speed alone is a real issue: that's well over the speed where an accident is very likely to cause serious harm or death to anyone involved (including innocent third parties).
:
:
Aspies don't lie about exactly the same things or for exactly the same reasons as NTs ... but everyone is hard-wired with the ability to construct defensive self-justifying lies.

This opens the door to other things, starting with someone else in the car. But there are a lot of other possibilities, including quite serious things. But also to something personal, and more complicated than "too many balls in the air". In a perfect world this possibility would be investigated.

There's probably an incident report, and it may be public domain. The cop may be prepared to speak to a family member (you may not qualify directly, but your wife and his father will).

Trying to get background information will be a useful test for you too: if you're not allowed to participate in this process, you should switch to just pretending to be engaged. You can't help someone you don't have access to - so this would then be just something between you and your wife, not you and her son.

 

[MNAus]

Greetings and thanks to everyone in advance for listening. This section is supposed to be for introductions but, I might as well say it all.

My wife has a 21-year-old son (born in 2002, also is a fraternal twin) living in Texas with his dad. He is currently attending The University of Huston. His interests are political and wants to go into politics. He is high functioning, very tenacious, and highly focused on his goals to the point of obsession. At age 11 he was diagnosed with Aspergers from the Cleveland Clinic main campus, here in Ohio. I don’t believe anything in his life changed because of the diagnosis, in part because of some family denial. His focus is like “looking at a tree intensely but not seeing the forest.”

He recently ran for and won student council president this year in a seriously contested election. His school grades, however, took a big hit. More recently he was stopped for speeding doing 111mph. We suspect he wasn't driving fast for the thrill, rather he wasn’t aware of his speed because his attention was elsewhere. Thankfully his keys were taken away, as this is a serious safety concern.

He is feeling very “down” regarding his grades and the speeding issue, so he acknowledges his failures and likely would be cooperative in finding a solution. I know little about Aspergers (except from watching “Dating on the Spectrum” on Netflix). We are not sure how to approach this problem except he needs to learn to identify and manage it. He has an appointment scheduled with a random psychiatrist two months from now, in August. Long time to wait for an unknown person.

We were wondering if someone could point us to a local support group, and maybe a specific doctor specializing in Aspergers in the Houston (NE) Texas Area?

Hi there. I'm half a world away (literally... and perhaps figuratively, who can tell?) so can't help you on the local info, but I would mention this. ASD covers a fairly broad spectrum of experiences that change how one views and understands the world, often in quite profound ways compared to our neurotypical peers. So although I get why you'd want to have a particular behaviour changed, it's probably not that easy to pick it out and say "let's change this bit". And I understand why you'd be encouraging him to "learn and identify 'it'", but 'it' might be a bit larger and more slippery than a simple switch to be flicked.

None of this is meant to discourage, but I would guess he's more likely to have success by gaining a broader understanding of his condition and how he can live in a world that has been designed for people unlike him, rather than focusing on one or two behaviours that are unwanted.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Greetings and thanks to everyone in advance for listening. This section is supposed to be for introductions but, I might as well say it all.

My wife has a 21-year-old son (born in 2002, also is a fraternal twin) living in Texas with his dad. He is currently attending The University of Huston. His interests are political and wants to go into politics. He is high functioning, very tenacious, and highly focused on his goals to the point of obsession. At age 11 he was diagnosed with Aspergers from the Cleveland Clinic main campus, here in Ohio. I don’t believe anything in his life changed because of the diagnosis, in part because of some family denial. His focus is like “looking at a tree intensely but not seeing the forest.”

He recently ran for and won student council president this year in a seriously contested election. His school grades, however, took a big hit. More recently he was stopped for speeding doing 111mph. We suspect he wasn't driving fast for the thrill, rather he wasn’t aware of his speed because his attention was elsewhere. Thankfully his keys were taken away, as this is a serious safety concern.

He is feeling very “down” regarding his grades and the speeding issue, so he acknowledges his failures and likely would be cooperative in finding a solution. I know little about Aspergers (except from watching “Dating on the Spectrum” on Netflix). We are not sure how to approach this problem except he needs to learn to identify and manage it. He has an appointment scheduled with a random psychiatrist two months from now, in August. Long time to wait for an unknown person.

We were wondering if someone could point us to a local support group, and maybe a specific doctor specializing in Aspergers in the Houston (NE) Texas Area?

Speeding, I am not sure. I LOVE to drive fast. I love fast cars. I grew up around race tracks. I built and drove my own race car. I love anything fast (roller coasters, boats, tall water slides, whatever). I love being pushed into my seat. Now, if I ever get pulled over, I might claim I was unaware of my speed. He's also 21, with a young mind, and may be one that enjoys those sorts of things, as well. Perhaps. It's not how fast you go, but rather how fast you go with control. If either the driver or the vehicle is incapable, then it quickly becomes a safety issue for them and others around them. Of course, then there is the law. Two separate issues.

The focus issue, well that, as you can imagine, is a double-edged sword, as are the "special interests" that can be highly distracting.

Now, you can look at the situation as a "problem" or an "opportunity". Two very different approaches, but you are correct that HE needs to learn how to identify and manage it. Self-awareness is key. One must understand that the so-called "neurotypical world" is NOT designed with the autistic in mind. Therefore, the world can be very confusing and frustrating for a young autistic. What I do know, is that we must embrace our autistic minds and use it to our advantage, rather than focusing upon the things we cannot do or get frustrated with not being able to follow the paths of our peers. The neurotypical world is all about "control" and "sameness". Every policy, procedure, rule, regulation, and law is about controlling behavior and maintaining consistency. The autistic mind, even though we have our personal routines, on the broader perspective, it typically doesn't operate within that realm, for better or worse. No one, ever, in the history of mankind, has ever made advances in the arts or sciences by doing things the same as everyone else. For the sake of humanity, we need autistic, neurodivergent minds, or else mankind ceases to move forward. It's literally key to our survival. Being highly focused upon something can be a huge asset for an employer, depending upon the job, as is a talent for innovation. Think of the autistic mind as a "tool". If you have a tool chest with a collection of different sized flat head screw drivers (neurotypicals), it doesn't do you any good when you actually need a Phillips head screw driver (autistic).

1. Work on the self-awareness aspect
2. Focus upon what he does well and how he can use his mind to better himself and others.
3. Self-discipline and self-control
4. Duty and responsibility to himself and others
5. Goal-oriented behaviors

 

[The_Walrus]

Program for Supporting and Mentoring Students with Autism

Program for Supporting and Mentoring Students with Autism

www.uh.edu

 

[TBRS1]

Welcome - a bit of good? I'm successful, retired, have a nice home in the country, and gleefully delighted that I finally feel "safe," and can enjoy my "weird" interests in peace.

But it's been a hellahella hard slog full of both dark and light. The dark has really hurt, but my friend Buddha says "Life is suffering," so why complain if everybody does it?

So it is possible, and lots of us end up being good, eventually. Your wife's son sounds like he will - after a lot if struggles and errors - also end up ok.

Think that, then help him get there.

I have a whole series of mental flowcharts I have to use when I interact with people, like:

Check eyes. Looking at me with soft edges - good to go. Eyes wide and hard edges - back off, I'm freaking person out. Eyes shifting back and forth - end conversation, person wants to escape.

This is quick, but it will always puts a space between myself and all human interactions, but being awkward is better than weirding people out, I think.

 

[VictorR]

Hello! As The_Walrus noted in their post above, it looks like the school has some supports so that's probably the best place for him to start with, and they can probably help identify and navigate other resources as well.

 

[timotb]

@timotb

Just search for "neuro-diverse support group and the correct location.
ASD is a "Disorder" so the term "ASD" isn't popular with HFA's (i.e. people who don't need support to live a normal life, and can't be easily diagnosed).
BTW that doesn't mean help and education isn't justified, but there's no mainstream method., or even agreement on what might be done to help, and how it could be delivered.
(as an aside - this isn't "fair". But the way the world works these days, with loud, disruptive, politicized collective whining the best path to get justified assistance even with simple things, we're at a disadvantage
:
:
If he is failing at school because he's become a student politician, the solution to that is simple enough.
If he's an Aspie and he has to choose one, and he's studying something useful, (Finance, STEM, etc) ditch the student politics.
:
:
Regarding the traffic incident:

111 mph is fast on most combinations of road and car.

On a road designed for 70 mph (so "normal" 55 mph, "max" 90) 111 would require very active driving.
For example it's fast enough for a standard car's steering geometry and suspension to be inadequate, requiring continual corrections with the steering wheel. This is outside the experience of normal drivers too - hence all the youtube videos of people with normal driving skills making "impossible" mistakes /lol.

Of course cars exist that can handle that speed on normal roads (though nowhere near as many as mainstream car manufacturers claim) but if your stepson wasn't in one, this wasn't a matter of "being distracted by some other priority".
And the speed alone is a real issue: that's well over the speed where an accident is very likely to cause serious harm or death to anyone involved (including innocent third parties).
:
:
Aspies don't lie about exactly the same things or for exactly the same reasons as NTs ... but everyone is hard-wired with the ability to construct defensive self-justifying lies.

This opens the door to other things, starting with someone else in the car. But there are a lot of other possibilities, including quite serious things. But also to something personal, and more complicated than "too many balls in the air". In a perfect world this possibility would be investigated.

There's probably an incident report, and it may be public domain. The cop may be prepared to speak to a family member (you may not qualify directly, but your wife and his father will).

Trying to get background information will be a useful test for you too: if you're not allowed to participate in this process, you should switch to just pretending to be engaged. You can't help someone you don't have access to - so this would then be just something between you and your wife, not you and her son.

Exactly, he needs to ditch the politics and study something useful. Not sure that will be easy. I overheard him and his mom talking the other day as he was bringing this to her attention. He is really bothered that so many people have very poor morality. He actually believes he knows right from wrong better than the rest of us which I find an incredibly arrogant position to take. Right you are about the speed. I just dont think he was driving fast like many of us did at that age, for the thrill. I suspect his attention was elsewhere. Thanks for your thoughts.

 

[timotb]

Speeding, I am not sure. I LOVE to drive fast. I love fast cars. I grew up around race tracks. I built and drove my own race car. I love anything fast (roller coasters, boats, tall water slides, whatever). I love being pushed into my seat. Now, if I ever get pulled over, I might claim I was unaware of my speed. He's also 21, with a young mind, and may be one that enjoys those sorts of things, as well. Perhaps. It's not how fast you go, but rather how fast you go with control. If either the driver or the vehicle is incapable, then it quickly becomes a safety issue for them and others around them. Of course, then there is the law. Two separate issues.

The focus issue, well that, as you can imagine, is a double-edged sword, as are the "special interests" that can be highly distracting.

Now, you can look at the situation as a "problem" or an "opportunity". Two very different approaches, but you are correct that HE needs to learn how to identify and manage it. Self-awareness is key. One must understand that the so-called "neurotypical world" is NOT designed with the autistic in mind. Therefore, the world can be very confusing and frustrating for a young autistic. What I do know, is that we must embrace our autistic minds and use it to our advantage, rather than focusing upon the things we cannot do or get frustrated with not being able to follow the paths of our peers. The neurotypical world is all about "control" and "sameness". Every policy, procedure, rule, regulation, and law is about controlling behavior and maintaining consistency. The autistic mind, even though we have our personal routines, on the broader perspective, it typically doesn't operate within that realm, for better or worse. No one, ever, in the history of mankind, has ever made advances in the arts or sciences by doing things the same as everyone else. For the sake of humanity, we need autistic, neurodivergent minds, or else mankind ceases to move forward. It's literally key to our survival. Being highly focused upon something can be a huge asset for an employer, depending upon the job, as is a talent for innovation. Think of the autistic mind as a "tool". If you have a tool chest with a collection of different sized flat head screw drivers (neurotypicals), it doesn't do you any good when you actually need a Phillips head screw driver (autistic).

1. Work on the self-awareness aspect
2. Focus upon what he does well and how he can use his mind to better himself and others.
3. Self-discipline and self-control
4. Duty and responsibility to himself and others
5. Goal-oriented behaviors

I think you are right about looking for the advantages to his Autism. We think he could become another "John Brown" (the abolitionist from pre-civil war history) He seems to feel he is "morally superior" to the rest of us... and he is dedicated for sure. Maybe John Brown was also on the spectrum.

Good suggestions and thank you

 

[timotb]

Welcome - a bit of good? I'm successful, retired, have a nice home in the country, and gleefully delighted that I finally feel "safe," and can enjoy my "weird" interests in peace.

But it's been a hellahella hard slog full of both dark and light. The dark has really hurt, but my friend Buddha says "Life is suffering," so why complain if everybody does it?

So it is possible, and lots of us end up being good, eventually. Your wife's son sounds like he will - after a lot if struggles and errors - also end up ok.

Think that, then help him get there.

I have a whole series of mental flowcharts I have to use when I interact with people, like:

Check eyes. Looking at me with soft edges - good to go. Eyes wide and hard edges - back off, I'm freaking person out. Eyes shifting back and forth - end conversation, person wants to escape.

This is quick, but it will always puts a space between myself and all human interactions, but being awkward is better than weirding people out, I think.

You are living proof that he can live a happy life once he figures himself out. thank you for your thoughts.

 

[Crossbreed]

Hello & welcome @timotb.

See...

Finding Support Resources in the USA...

Many of us on the spectrum have poor work histories and lack the funds needed to pursue a diagnosis and pay for recurring services. If your...

autlanders.blogspot.com

 

[Alexej]

I was thinking more about of a local face-to-face get-together, but I guess not everyone would feel comfortable looking at other people in the eye and saying, " Hi everyone, I have Aspergers!"

You might want to look into AANE.org they have some online face to face meetings

AANE Homepage - AANE

AANE, the Association for Autism and Neurodiversity, meets you where you are. Whether you are an Autistic adult or teen, a parent or family member, or a professional who works with the autism community, AANE has services, programs, and training to support, inform and build community. Check out...

aane.org

 

[MNAus]

Exactly, he needs to ditch the politics and study something useful. Not sure that will be easy. I overheard him and his mom talking the other day as he was bringing this to her attention. He is really bothered that so many people have very poor morality. He actually believes he knows right from wrong better than the rest of us which I find an incredibly arrogant position to take.

He seems to feel he is "morally superior" to the rest of us... and he is dedicated for sure.

It might be an idea for you to do a bit more research into ASD (if you're willing). You can have a nose round here if you fancy. Black and white thinking, a strong sense of justice/fairness and a need for predictability through rules (especially those that govern what people may/may not do to each other) are often traits that ASD people have. Many of us struggle with the vagaries of social interaction so cling hard to these to give us a sense of control in a world where everyone seems to act according to an unspoken code that we don't see nor understand.

One of the things some of us struggle with is ideas of unfairness or not keeping to the rules/promises. Don't get me wrong, maybe he has none of this and actually just believes himself to be morally superior, but there's a fair chance the way the whole world acts affects him deeply. If so, it's not an ego thing, it's as strong a feeling as someone deciding to walk in the room on the ceiling, you shouting "but physics!!!" and they shrug their shoulders in reply.

If this is the case then he might well be finding it a challenge in many ways. Again, if so this isn't him choosing to be different, but experiencing things differently.

You are living proof that he can live a happy life once he figures himself out. thank you for your thoughts.

There are many, many people who are evidence of this. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if many of the most significant discoveries and inventions that allow you to enjoy a life of relative comfort were from people with autism. Being autistic doesn't make you unhappy, struggling to fit in to a world not designed for you is what does.

 

[timotb]

You make some interesting points there. I also heard recently, that he was very unhappy, growing up here in Ohio. Of course I wasn’t around then, but apparently it was an internal struggle.

 

[MNAus]

You make some interesting points there. I also heard recently, that he was very unhappy, growing up here in Ohio. Of course I wasn’t around then, but apparently it was an internal struggle.

Difficult to know what might have been at the root of that. If he's going to see a psychologist I guess that would be a good topic to talk about. Perhaps it wasn't an internal struggle but a very brave kid trying to fit in to a world that felt pretty alien. I mean this in the best possible way, and I'm also old enough to know that the world doesn't mould itself to the needs of one person, but you quite often hint towards the idea that he needs fixing. Again, I don't know the guy and maybe I misread, but I'd urge you to be a bit cautious in how you think on this. Autism isn't a behavioural diagnosis.

 

[timotb]

Difficult to know what might have been at the root of that. If he's going to see a psychologist I guess that would be a good topic to talk about. Perhaps it wasn't an internal struggle but a very brave kid trying to fit in to a world that felt pretty alien. I mean this in the best possible way, and I'm also old enough to know that the world doesn't mould itself to the needs of one person, but you quite often hint towards the idea that he needs fixing. Again, I don't know the guy and maybe I misread, but I'd urge you to be a bit cautious in how you think on this. Autism isn't a behavioural diagnosis.

I probably use the word “fixing” very loosely. A fix to me is for him to be able to identify an out of control problem like driving 111 mile an hour, make adjustments and to make the best of what he has to work with regarding this Nuro diversity as you call it.

 

[Nitro]