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Have you met others on the spectrum

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Cactus, Mar 25, 2020.

  1. Cactus

    Cactus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    How does one meet others on the spectrum? I would like to meet and talk to others on the spectrum. I’m feeling very isolated. What I’ve read on the forum leads me to believe that many of us self-isolate more as we get older; I’m guilty of that because I’m just tired of trying. I would just like to talk with someone else that might understand the frustration we all experience. Any ideas?
     
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  2. Giraffes

    Giraffes Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    hi and welcome, no idea in regards to connect i'm still trying, loads of people have a disconnect autism or not, just life and connections i guess but hi and pleased to met you
     
  3. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Alot of us are perfectly content to connect at this forum, but anything more isn't tolerated by a lot of us.
     
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  4. Mindf'Elle'ness

    Mindf'Elle'ness Peace and passion for ALL

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    Hi Cactus
    When you say 'meet' I'm going to take you literally. There are support groups for aspies in various cities. You could do a Google search...
    I'm on a dating site and I met someone who described himself as an aspie (and proud of it), but even after weeks of messaging back and forth he wouldn't ask me out for a simple coffee or anything. In fact he was content to stay at home and entertain himself.
    No, so far this site has been the only positive method of connecting with other aspies.
    Hmmm, another thought...do you have 'Meet Ups' where you live? I wonder if there's a group for aspies! Definitely worth a shot
     
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  5. Cactus

    Cactus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I have Googled, but I found parent groups. It seems autistic individuals vaporize at the age of 18. I’ve also tried Meetups, no luck.
    I’m not comfortable meeting new people, but yet I want to. Doesn’t make sense. About the guy you met, why was he on a dating site if he didn’t want to date?
     
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  6. Cactus

    Cactus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I understand.
     
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  7. Mindf'Elle'ness

    Mindf'Elle'ness Peace and passion for ALL

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    Well that's the million dollar question isn't it? LOL. I was off the site for a couple of months and when I went back he was gone. He was a messed up person, he SAID he wanted to find a relationship but from his lifestyle it was clear he was only looking for hook-ups.
    I feel your frustration. Probably in 10 - 20 years there will be more opportunity and resources for aspies as the condition becomes better known but for me it's already too late.
     
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  8. Sherlock77

    Sherlock77 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I've never joined a support group, however on occasion I have met some at random in public

    Even once, a longtime friend of mine in the arts scene told me that people have suggested that she might be Asperger's, after I told her my self-diagnosis, she is semi-retired from her day job and still an active participant in the local arts scene, sometime poet, and has been a playwright in the past... I know her well enough to know that she is very active, didn't feel much need to explore here "hypothesis", and as she said doesn't really have the time to bother
     
  9. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    This post made me understand that wanting to be alone goes back to high school and maybe l freaked out my mom. I was perfectly content to do artwork in my room. She told me she thought l would never marry. Now l am super happy to be back alone but l hope to get a cat.
     
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2020
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  10. Wolf Prince

    Wolf Prince My future job title.

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    I have meet others as an experimental kind of thing. It was akward and we were in to different things.
     
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  11. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Plus l always get customer service jobs which is a forced socialization for people on the spectrum, so l need to chill after my shift.
     
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  12. GadAbout

    GadAbout Well-Known Member

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    I have found other adult autistic people to be as lousy a friend as I am. You may think it would be refreshing to be around another person with many of the same issues as you. But you are forgetting that they may be prickly (hypersensitive), unsupportive, self-centered, and even a sensory challenge to yourself (e.g., loud or conspicuous stimming). At my current age, I'm ok with a few friends who share aging issues, never mind neurostatus.
     
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  13. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member

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    I've dated three in my life.
    It just happened by circumstance. At first we liked each other's company and interests.
    But, as time went by they were the same as myself in being unsupportive, hypersensitive, and self-centered.
    After a while that dance gets a bit tiring.
    It runs hot and cold and you never know when you may just be annoying to them.
    We all seem to want our alone time more than together time.
    It's just hard to know what and when they want to be alone or with you.
    One day they are happy and perky to be with you, the next they may act like you're not even there
    or don't want to talk or text, then they are back again.

    I'm sure as @GadAbout pointed out, I'm juist as lousy a friend or girlfriend as they are with me.
    And I'm too old to really care now.
    Currently seeing an Aspie guy I feel too much for, because like all the relationships in my life,
    I feel it won't go anywhere.


    As far as just a group to talk with, I would like that too. But, there are no such groups for Aspies
    where I live.
     
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  14. christopher.k

    christopher.k roosterman

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    For once I can awnser the question being posed properly since a lovely autisim centred charity hosts one every Thursday
    My experience is mostly the same as wolf princes in that I quite often have nothing in common with the people there outside a messy brain and found it either awkward or pointless
    Though it's not been a total waste of time since I've had a few decent conversations of the not being talked at variety
    And i have made friends? With enougher guy into furry aesthetics who also happens to swing my way so maybe something grand will come out of it.
    Generally though I tend to find I get more meaning out of text chat from other aspires though.
     
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  15. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    I once met up with a couple of people on the spectrum in real life, but had the same problem that I had with meeting NTs, namely that the other two talked to each other all the time, I wasn't able to join in and I got left out of the conversation. Probably best to organise meet-ups based round an activity rather than just talking.
     
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  16. Raggamuffin

    Raggamuffin Well-Known Member

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    Having read about the spectrum a lot recently I found it quite warming and somewhat ironic that my first GP appointment at my new Dr's surgery was with a doctor who was clearly on the spectrum.

    A guy in my class at school who I knew for many years was also on the spectrum and diagnosed with Aspergers when he was in college. I always knew he was different, he exhibited a lot of verbal and bodily ticks - but I didn't treat him any different. If anything, I found him to be a genuine and very nice person, as well as someone who was very clever. I know over the years there'd be times that people in class would openly mock him, but I always had his back. He was a wonderful person. I guess, seeing how people reacted to his traits was probably another reason why I did my best to subdue mine in public.

    Other than that, I know my partner exhibits several traits, as do several of our friends.

    Ed
     
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  17. Vindicator Phoenix

    Vindicator Phoenix Female or neutral pronouns V.I.P Member

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    I have met others, officially diagnosed with autism:
    - Two, from a debating team
    - One, on my grocery store night shift

    I speculated that a few others had autism:
    - An odd classmate with high sensory vulnerability and a love of one-sided ranting about astronomy and geology
    - A goofy high school math teacher who struggled with eye contact and social awkwardness; he also liked puns, in his jokes, and appeared otherworldly
    - A socially awkward high school friend, who had a monotone voice and loved chemistry and video games

    I attended an autism support group, which I discovered, by Googling, "autism group [town]," where [town] is my hometown. You could replace [town] with your own, when doing an Internet search. Unfortunately, I was the only person, with autism, who attended the group, in my town. It was worth a try, though.

    I actually struggled to get along with some of them, because most were, in MBTI terms, T-types, rather than fellow F-types:
    [​IMG]
     
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  18. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    I had to take a deep breath and reread your post several times. Some of us run hot or cold because we made bad choices, were severely burned, maybe very insecure due to upbringing.
    Also- because we are both older, l truly feel we are frighten if it went anywhere. I am starting to think it's truly a miracle that we even met. Because l canceled out on his first invite.
    Hope you have success and your posts are very eloquent and painful at the same time. Lol
     
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  19. Trophonius

    Trophonius Active Member

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    I know some people on the spectrum, but we haven't talked much, and I don't think we have much in common. There are some meetings, I believe, for ASD people, however isn't this a common misconception, and one we encounter in the Love & Dating subforum? We're not all the same.
     
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  20. WildCat

    WildCat V.I.P Member

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    Face to face? Probably not, but I did attend a church service and remember a young man on the spectrum. He seemed to be pretty affected by it though...he couldn't communicate verbally, so that was out of the question.

    I'm not counting on it happening, but who knows. Also begs the question of whether or not someone really wants to share that information, which if they don't then it's up to the imagination.
     
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