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have you ever hidden from argument in the next room?

Pats

Pats

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
One of the absolute worse situations is the argument in the other room.
I was in my twenties with my oldest child around 1 or 2 maybe. My (then) husband, myself and my sister in law had gone to Fl to visit their dad. During the night their dad and my sister in law were arguing very loudly. He was intoxicated, my husband was passed out. I was trying to keep my son from waking up and continue to pretend we were still asleep, but my son started crying. I was trying to get him quiet before the dad heard him, but didn't work and the dad came in to get my son, so, of course, I got up with him to take care of him. It sticks with me because I felt like a child hiding from the yelling.
Another time that really sticks with me, was I was babysitting for my son and knew it would be a late night, but if I'm still awake when they get home, I come home. My son and his wife (who he had discovered cheating on him) were in a real screaming match. I laid there wishing I could go home, needing to go to the bathroom but didn't want them to know I was awake and literally laid there half the night afraid to budge.
Anyone else experience this much discomfort when other's argue?
 
People arguing, yelling or not, whether I know the people or not, makes me a nervous wreck, but, in my case I think it is sensory related, as opposed to stemming from something from the past. I absolutely, can not tolerate loud or intense confrontation, even if from a distance.
 
I think feeling awful when hearing others argue is pretty normal. You have the dual discomfort of both your own awkwardness and misery at the situation and sympathy for the upset they are experiencing.
 
I used to have panic attacks whenever I heard people argue, especially severe if the arguing ones were close to me in any way. A childhood leftover, mostly. People arguing still make me nervous and I tend to avoid them just like you do. A hiding child is quite a good description, to be honest. It's quite pathetic, but I still have moments where I just hide behind furniture from fear and it always feels like I'm a six year old again.
 
Yes, I can't bear the tension, and loud voices. It make me anxious and stressed, even though I'm not directly involved. I have to get away and go somewhere quiet.
 
Yup, I will a pod arguments going on by hiding in the next room, pretending to be asleep, or leaving.

I have hyperacusis which is basically an extreme sensitivity to certain frequencies. My hearing tests also come out that I can hear some frequencies that most humans can't.

I didn't know this when I was younger. My mother didn't either. She was a yeller and a screamer. I don't think she would have altered her behavior had she known.
 
I feel extremely unsettled when people are arguing near me. It's one of the quickest routes to a meltdown/shutdown for me.
 
In particular, hearing couples in a heated argument has always bothered me for some reason. Hmmmmmm.

Even in televised or film drama, I can only stand that so long....:eek:
 
My reaction to hearing others arguing depends on the context (e.g. who is involved, how they are behaving, whether or not it is a fight that is escalating or blatantly out of control) but it can make me feel terrified.
 
I used to. My dad was always very angry when I was growing up and shouted a lot. I'd get really anxious and panicky. Even years afterwards, I'd hate listening to people fighting.

These days my brain does the equivalent of taking out a box of popcorn. If I'm not directly involved and not in a stressy mood, then I try to work out what's going on, who's in the wrong, what will happen next. I think that's why I have zero interest in soap operas on TV. I get all the entertainment I need in real life. If I'm directly involved and someone is yelling at me, then my brain tends to disconnect. If someone can't be bothered to talk to me like a rational adult then I can't be bothered to listen.
 
I can’t be in the same room if there is an argument and then even though I’m in the next room I can’t help but listen for signs of violence.
I can’t even watch the news where they have guests discuss politics! Good grief! Nobody listens, they just talk louder and louder....
 
Have I!?

My biography could be called "Hiding in the Next Room"!

When I first started having partial seizures when I was about 10 and didn't know what they were, it felt like I could "hear" a person screaming in the distance inside my head, which I know is weird but it's the best way I can explain it.

I always had a theory that it was the sound of my mom yelling from when I was a baby. I don't know where that idea came from, but it always felt right.

I use giant ear-muffs now! Too bad I didn't have them when I was younger. :eek:
 
It’s one of the reasons I liked going to school when younger, the adults there were completely different than at home.


I think when the discussion/ bickering/heated debate/ passioned arguement gets beyond a certain point I’m outta there.

I’ve yet to see anything good come from hysteria, anger or rage between two or more people.
 
I come from a large family (at the moment there are 8 of us lving at home - My mum, my oldest (2 years younger than me) sister and her fiancé, my youngest sister, and my middles sister who did move out but has recently moved back with her boyfriend and her daughter whilst they save for deposit for a rented place of their own). As you can imagine there can be quite a fair few fallings-out between different family members...

Whenever it happens I will have to take myself to my bedroom or outside to distance myself because I find any form of confrontation (whether it's myself and someone else, or between other people) EXTREMELY uncomfortable. There have been a few times I've "stuck up for" the person I feel is most in the right (gotta love that Aspie sense of "moral superiority" where we feel we're in the right because we absolutely positively know best and anyone who thinks differently is in the wrong) and can't help but think I've made things worse through doing so, hence trying to avoid those situations altogether.
 
Pats said:
One of the absolute worse situations is the argument in the other room.
I was in my twenties with my oldest child around 1 or 2 maybe. My (then) husband, myself and my sister in law had gone to Fl to visit their dad. During the night their dad and my sister in law were arguing very loudly. He was intoxicated, my husband was passed out. I was trying to keep my son from waking up and continue to pretend we were still asleep, but my son started crying. I was trying to get him quiet before the dad heard him, but didn't work and the dad came in to get my son, so, of course, I got up with him to take care of him. It sticks with me because I felt like a child hiding from the yelling.
Another time that really sticks with me, was I was babysitting for my son and knew it would be a late night, but if I'm still awake when they get home, I come home. My son and his wife (who he had discovered cheating on him) were in a real screaming match. I laid there wishing I could go home, needing to go to the bathroom but didn't want them to know I was awake and literally laid there half the night afraid to budge.
Anyone else experience this much discomfort when other's argue?
Click to expand...
Our skills with dealing with social interactions aren’t great. They’re definitely not going to be great when screaming and yelling are involved, because they are threatening environments.
I used to feel the exact same, I think it’s fear, flight or fight. These days I try to fight (not literally), if I see or hear an argument or heightened environment, I think about keeping my emotions calm and try to resist overwhelmed feelings, I do this by talking to myself, I’ll say something like ‘if this gets out of hand I may need to call the police’ ‘if it sounds like someone might get physically aggressive, I may need to consider protecting the other person’ and I’ll think about the safest ways of doing that. That way I can stay rational, and take steps to protect someone if I need to.
 
I think assessing a situation that doesn’t directly involve us, being an observer but thinking about what we might be able to do,
- things like calling the police, first aid and so on,
shifts some focus from sensory awareness.

Not as aware of how loud the situation has gotten if concentrating on resuscitating someone or passing details to emergency services.
 
Is it just me though, or in such situations, do we "feel" the emotions of the room (even if we can't put words to it) a lot more strongly than perhaps the people actually involved?
Like if someone says they've had a bad day, or if we detect their language or tone of voice expresses an emotion (even if we can't pick up on subtleties of face or body language), then we FEEL it. Partly why I try to avoid the situations because even if I'm not involved, I come away feeling terrible just being a witness to it.
 
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