1. Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Featured have you ever hidden from argument in the next room?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Pats, Jan 28, 2019.

  1. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    3,737
    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2018
    Karma:
    +9,798
    One of the absolute worse situations is the argument in the other room.
    I was in my twenties with my oldest child around 1 or 2 maybe. My (then) husband, myself and my sister in law had gone to Fl to visit their dad. During the night their dad and my sister in law were arguing very loudly. He was intoxicated, my husband was passed out. I was trying to keep my son from waking up and continue to pretend we were still asleep, but my son started crying. I was trying to get him quiet before the dad heard him, but didn't work and the dad came in to get my son, so, of course, I got up with him to take care of him. It sticks with me because I felt like a child hiding from the yelling.
    Another time that really sticks with me, was I was babysitting for my son and knew it would be a late night, but if I'm still awake when they get home, I come home. My son and his wife (who he had discovered cheating on him) were in a real screaming match. I laid there wishing I could go home, needing to go to the bathroom but didn't want them to know I was awake and literally laid there half the night afraid to budge.
    Anyone else experience this much discomfort when other's argue?
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 5
    • Agree Agree x 4
  2. Loren

    Loren Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    7,383
    Joined:
    May 19, 2018
    Karma:
    +2,275
    People arguing, yelling or not, whether I know the people or not, makes me a nervous wreck, but, in my case I think it is sensory related, as opposed to stemming from something from the past. I absolutely, can not tolerate loud or intense confrontation, even if from a distance.
     
    • Agree Agree x 4
    • Like Like x 1
  3. NothingToSeeHere

    NothingToSeeHere Asexuowl V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,505
    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2014
    Karma:
    +3,038
    I think feeling awful when hearing others argue is pretty normal. You have the dual discomfort of both your own awkwardness and misery at the situation and sympathy for the upset they are experiencing.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
  4. onlything

    onlything Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,238
    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2017
    Karma:
    +2,435
    I used to have panic attacks whenever I heard people argue, especially severe if the arguing ones were close to me in any way. A childhood leftover, mostly. People arguing still make me nervous and I tend to avoid them just like you do. A hiding child is quite a good description, to be honest. It's quite pathetic, but I still have moments where I just hide behind furniture from fear and it always feels like I'm a six year old again.
     
    • Agree Agree x 4
    • Friendly Friendly x 3
  5. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    5,914
    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2014
    Karma:
    +12,646
    Yes, I can't bear the tension, and loud voices. It make me anxious and stressed, even though I'm not directly involved. I have to get away and go somewhere quiet.
     
    • Agree Agree x 6
  6. china autie

    china autie friend to dogs and frogs and cats

    Messages:
    513
    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2018
    Karma:
    +1,082
    Yup, I will a pod arguments going on by hiding in the next room, pretending to be asleep, or leaving.

    I have hyperacusis which is basically an extreme sensitivity to certain frequencies. My hearing tests also come out that I can hear some frequencies that most humans can't.

    I didn't know this when I was younger. My mother didn't either. She was a yeller and a screamer. I don't think she would have altered her behavior had she known.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 4
  7. Stardust Parade

    Stardust Parade Active Member

    Messages:
    103
    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2018
    Karma:
    +148
    Yes.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
  8. Autistamatic

    Autistamatic He's just this guy, you know? V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    2,870
    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2018
    Karma:
    +7,662
    I feel extremely unsettled when people are arguing near me. It's one of the quickest routes to a meltdown/shutdown for me.
     
    • Agree Agree x 6
  9. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    24,150
    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2013
    Karma:
    +30,966
    In particular, hearing couples in a heated argument has always bothered me for some reason. Hmmmmmm.

    Even in televised or film drama, I can only stand that so long....:eek:
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  10. the_tortoise

    the_tortoise Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    2,182
    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2016
    Karma:
    +4,168
    My reaction to hearing others arguing depends on the context (e.g. who is involved, how they are behaving, whether or not it is a fight that is escalating or blatantly out of control) but it can make me feel terrified.
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
  11. Sid Delicious

    Sid Delicious Balloon animal safety control

    Messages:
    428
    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2017
    Karma:
    +680
    I used to. My dad was always very angry when I was growing up and shouted a lot. I'd get really anxious and panicky. Even years afterwards, I'd hate listening to people fighting.

    These days my brain does the equivalent of taking out a box of popcorn. If I'm not directly involved and not in a stressy mood, then I try to work out what's going on, who's in the wrong, what will happen next. I think that's why I have zero interest in soap operas on TV. I get all the entertainment I need in real life. If I'm directly involved and someone is yelling at me, then my brain tends to disconnect. If someone can't be bothered to talk to me like a rational adult then I can't be bothered to listen.
     
    • Like Like x 3
    • Useful Useful x 1
  12. BraidedPony

    BraidedPony Enjoying life and glad to be alive! V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,434
    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2018
    Karma:
    +4,427
    I can’t be in the same room if there is an argument and then even though I’m in the next room I can’t help but listen for signs of violence.
    I can’t even watch the news where they have guests discuss politics! Good grief! Nobody listens, they just talk louder and louder....
     
    • Agree Agree x 4
  13. tducey

    tducey Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,286
    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2018
    Karma:
    +2,089
    Yeah, arguing makes me uncomfortable as well. I try to avoid it if possible.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
  14. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    4,093
    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2018
    Karma:
    +8,498
    Have I!?

    My biography could be called "Hiding in the Next Room"!

    When I first started having partial seizures when I was about 10 and didn't know what they were, it felt like I could "hear" a person screaming in the distance inside my head, which I know is weird but it's the best way I can explain it.

    I always had a theory that it was the sound of my mom yelling from when I was a baby. I don't know where that idea came from, but it always felt right.

    I use giant ear-muffs now! Too bad I didn't have them when I was younger. :eek:
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 3
  15. Gracey

    Gracey Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,267
    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2017
    Karma:
    +6,060
    It’s one of the reasons I liked going to school when younger, the adults there were completely different than at home.


    I think when the discussion/ bickering/heated debate/ passioned arguement gets beyond a certain point I’m outta there.

    I’ve yet to see anything good come from hysteria, anger or rage between two or more people.
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
  16. Autistamatic

    Autistamatic He's just this guy, you know? V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    2,870
    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2018
    Karma:
    +7,662
    AMEN to that!
     
    • Like Like x 1
  17. Danno

    Danno Active Member

    Messages:
    48
    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2019
    Karma:
    +109
    I come from a large family (at the moment there are 8 of us lving at home - My mum, my oldest (2 years younger than me) sister and her fiancé, my youngest sister, and my middles sister who did move out but has recently moved back with her boyfriend and her daughter whilst they save for deposit for a rented place of their own). As you can imagine there can be quite a fair few fallings-out between different family members...

    Whenever it happens I will have to take myself to my bedroom or outside to distance myself because I find any form of confrontation (whether it's myself and someone else, or between other people) EXTREMELY uncomfortable. There have been a few times I've "stuck up for" the person I feel is most in the right (gotta love that Aspie sense of "moral superiority" where we feel we're in the right because we absolutely positively know best and anyone who thinks differently is in the wrong) and can't help but think I've made things worse through doing so, hence trying to avoid those situations altogether.
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
  18. Onna

    Onna Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    118
    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2018
    Karma:
    +316
    Our skills with dealing with social interactions aren’t great. They’re definitely not going to be great when screaming and yelling are involved, because they are threatening environments.
    I used to feel the exact same, I think it’s fear, flight or fight. These days I try to fight (not literally), if I see or hear an argument or heightened environment, I think about keeping my emotions calm and try to resist overwhelmed feelings, I do this by talking to myself, I’ll say something like ‘if this gets out of hand I may need to call the police’ ‘if it sounds like someone might get physically aggressive, I may need to consider protecting the other person’ and I’ll think about the safest ways of doing that. That way I can stay rational, and take steps to protect someone if I need to.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Agree Agree x 2
  19. Gracey

    Gracey Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,267
    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2017
    Karma:
    +6,060
    I think assessing a situation that doesn’t directly involve us, being an observer but thinking about what we might be able to do,
    - things like calling the police, first aid and so on,
    shifts some focus from sensory awareness.

    Not as aware of how loud the situation has gotten if concentrating on resuscitating someone or passing details to emergency services.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  20. Danno

    Danno Active Member

    Messages:
    48
    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2019
    Karma:
    +109
    Is it just me though, or in such situations, do we "feel" the emotions of the room (even if we can't put words to it) a lot more strongly than perhaps the people actually involved?
    Like if someone says they've had a bad day, or if we detect their language or tone of voice expresses an emotion (even if we can't pick up on subtleties of face or body language), then we FEEL it. Partly why I try to avoid the situations because even if I'm not involved, I come away feeling terrible just being a witness to it.
     
    • Agree Agree x 3