Greetings all

[Clara]

Hi

I'm in my 40s and have just self diagnosed. My daughter's been saying I've got Asperger's for years but I didn't take her seriously. Two weeks ago I had an epiphany and - after quizzing people close to me - suddenly realised that I don't think like other people. It's been a bit of a shock and a bit of a relief. Suddenly I understand why I find certain things so challenging.

What I'm struggling with is if I should get a formal diagnosis. In some ways I don't want to know - a formal diagnosis will confirm that I will never be the same as other people, which makes me feel sad. On the other hand, maybe it will help me embrace my differences and learn how to handle things better.

I'm a bit confused at the moment, and also feeling a bit lonely, as my partner and daughter don't really get it. I've got a successful career, am a good parent and have lots of friends, but this has knocked my confidence a bit. I feel like I've been faking being a "normal" person all these years, and patting myself on the back for hiding it so well.

Anyway, apologies for wallowing, it won't be for long. I am a resourceful person and I will make the best of this. I guess it would help to get others' opinions on whether a formal diagnosis will be helpful.

Clara

 

[zurb]

Hi Clara,
Welcome to AC.
Most people later in life either initially find relief or despair in discovering Aspergers - or rather there will be a mix, but one may dominate. Its normal.
We have a mix here of self diagnosed and 'formally' diagnosed. For some its important to get an official confirmation, for others its not. You need to ask yourself what are the benefits you would hope to get from both options (and maybe the negatives too).
Feel free to browse around the site, join in a conversation, or start a new thread.
You may also like to get a copy of Tony Attwood's excellent (but fat) book 'The complete guide to Aspergers' and Rudy Simone's 'Aspergirls'. Both are good reads if you are seeking more info.
Anyway, welcome again to AC.

 

[Tom]

Hi & welcome,
Many Aspies/Autistics are self diagnosed and leave it at that. So it isn't necessary per se. There are ways to get more verification, primary many self tests that exist.

And yes, for the most part many of us are all massively faking this normal stuff. One phrase we use often is 'wearing the mask'. But in my opinion its like living in a foreign country and adapting the language/dress/culture, etc to fit in. There is nothing wrong with that. And you still maintain your Aspie self inside or perhaps with a few others that you trust and whom accept and appreciate that in you.

But there is much to learn about yourself and how to interact with others, so the investigation is usually worth it - if and when you decide to explore that aspect of yourself. And really its not one or another. We are both NT in many ways and have autism on top of that. So we are not that different ultimately.

 

[Clara]

Thanks so much for the responses zurb and Tom. Am feeling a bit less overwhelmed today! I will have a look at those books and think about my next step. Onward and upward... X

 

[Rocco]

Welcome aboard