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Giving Up On Making Real Life Friends?

A

Amethystgirl

Well-Known Member
I only have a few online friends and a few in person/real life friends. Is it weird that I given up on making real life friends? I don't like getting disappointed again and again.
 
Weird, no. Sad, yes.

I'm in a situation where the only friends I can make are with pets, and I just lost two of them.

If I could make human friends, I would.
 
I can't mentally handle the disappointment. I'm OK with the friends I have. I don't like the rejection over and over again. And making friends is too complicated for me anyway.
 
You have a decent amount of friends. Or a lot. How many are adults "supposed" to have?
 
I don't know about a decent amount of in person friends but I have 4 in person friends but 3 of them I rarely see. Making friends for me isn't a priority.
 
I have found the old saying 'birds of a feather flock together' very true. But as to your question is it weird? No I don't think so. Autists tend to have small (or no) social groups I think. But don't completely give up. You may find someone with the right feathers. And sometimes it is just related to a certain activity, like hiking or hunting thru flea markets, etc.
 
I guess I want to recommend a middle ground. I wouldn’t give up on making friends, but I gave up long ago Trying to make friends. The few friends I’ve had in life didn’t come through any special efforts or techniques, but when I was just doing life and an ally happened along. A few times, a simple act of kindness led to friendships, but not done with a goal of making friends. As others around here may have noticed, the harder I try, the less lovable I am. Better to assume they won’t like me, because it’s probably true, then maybe be surprised when something clicks. But I don’t try.
 
I never tried to make friends.
If someone connected with me in everyday life, it was what it was.
This was true for a more intimate or romantic relationship.
I never sought it. I didn't go to bars, meet and greet places, church, or social groups with the intention of trying to find someone I would connect with.

I don't turn away from someone who tries to be friendly or talk with me, but I never make the first moves to act as if I'm looking for friends either.
Currently I have no real- life friends. Just acquaintances.
The person I live with is someone that is there, so I am not living alone but is not a kind person.
Very controlling and most times angry at everyone.
I don't feel lonely, just miss the feeling of the two- way street of trust and being comfortable with someone.
 
No it is not weird. I do not really have any real life friend, nor do I want any.
I have my wife and children, and if it wasn`t for the fact I have to interact with people at work and with family I would be fine with just my wife and children.
I do see my family, not as much as they would like. And I used to have real life friends. I just don`t really see the need for them. If my old friends would contact me I would reply to them. But I no longer initiate the contact.
There are people at work I interact with. But they aren`t even close to something one would call friends.

If there is no need for them, there is no need to search for it.
 
It just depends upon your definition of "friend". For me, I have many people who I like to be around, get along with great, but I would put them into the category of "friendly acquaintances". I am perfectly fine with that.

My wife is my only true friend.
 
I don't see anything "weird" about choosing to have a smaller social orbit than a larger one. Not with this crowd at least. Though it seems curious that in such a case why you would be concerned with what others thought to a point of asking for some kind of consensus.

Or is your concern really focused around the few people you want to keep within your social circle? Worried over what they might think? If so, I'd simply avoid discussing such an issue with them- period. "Out of sight, out of mind".

Then again if you were to solicit a consensus from an exclusively neurotypical audience, you might get a very different response.
 
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@Amethystgirl
It sounds like you are content with what you have. Online friends and 4 real life connections? That seems like a lot to me and if you are happy with them, then there is no reason to beat yourself up for feeling "weird" or somehow pressured to find more. Maybe this feeling of not wanting to make new friends comes from being satisfied with what you currently have.
 
Amethystgirl said:
I only have a few online friends and a few in person/real life friends. Is it weird that I given up on making real life friends? I don't like getting disappointed again and again.
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No it's not weird. Do what works for you.

I wish I could give up on making friends, but I love social interaction so much that I automatically find myself becoming attached to people, even though I keep my distance from female NTs a little (not enough to notice) because I'm afraid of being socially rejected. Most NT females of my age reject me and it hurts or even makes me feel embarrassed.

Because I'm not very outgoing, it can be an awkward situation whether to approach people or not. Sometimes if I see two or more coworkers chatting and laughing casually, I'm afraid to go and join them in case they think I'm being intrusive or nosy, but then if I don't join them I'm afraid they might think I'm aloof or unfriendly and assume that I like being on my own. That's what happened all through high school for me, and although it happens less in adulthood, I'm still afraid it might happen.

I remember one time at school when I was 13, there was a new girl in my class, and she got introduced to me by another girl in my class who was put to be her 'buddy'. I decided to try my best to make friends with the new girl, so I acted casually, was friendly, laughed at her jokes, and chatted about general stuff like what our favourite or worst school subjects are, etc. But, just like nearly every other NT girl at school, she soon found out for herself how worthless I was and ignored me. When she got more used to everyone she asked one girl why she was sitting next to me in class, like it was a social crime to be anywhere near me. Was I that awful? Apparently yes.

Anyone feel that being on the spectrum or ADHD or some other ND, the rule is "don't do what NTs do, do as they say"? So you go through most of your life being abused or bullied or rejected, but it's drummed into you not to do anything of the kind to anyone else, that you must always remain tactful, kind, empathetic, friendly, otherwise you'll get a lecture and expected to hang your head in shame?

Another reason why I hate, hate, hate being different.
 
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