girlfriend

[Jordy]

.

 

[Aspychata]

Maybe you should tell your parents it won't happen. And to quit harassing you about it.

I have always been content by myself. My mom was surprised l got married. (To the wrong guy)

I like good friends but extreme closeness can be overwhelming for some of us. My new habit is l feel super close then immediately push the person away. Like l feel very threatened. So now l have to clean up my litter box. Lol. I suffer from l think avoidant attachment. The other person thinks its them, but it's just my internal battle of being frighten of how close we became again. And we have become really close again.

You might want to examine what feelings you felt when the girlfriend was sharing with you. You said you felt uncomfortable. Do you wish to share more?

 

[Aspychata]

Oh that wasn't a girlfriend, just a girl I was talking to online that seemed to be very fond of me, well at least in the beginning. I feel uncomfortable because I feel threatened by having to perform something that doesn't come naturally to me, and not doing it right can result in rejection/disappointment. The avoident attachment thing may also be a apart of it.

It's really strange how sometimes your emotions and words can align perfectly but there is still an uncomfortable disconnected between the two. I don't like saying I love you to any family members for instance, i do love them but I just don't want to say it, and when I am forced to say it it really pisses me of.

This is great. It helps for us to examine what we feel so that we don't emotionally trigger ourselves.

Like next time you feel forced to say l love you to relatives , you say l am feeling disconnected, now feeling angry, okay l am over it. Because l know l just feel disconnected. But l don't have to respond with anger because l understand myself better and why l was angry.

My mom triggers me, but l acknowledge this and she has less hold on me now.

 

[ForestGumpett]

Just smile, say thank you for thinking of me then go do whatever you want and like yourself.

I’m weird as heck, my husband of almost 5 years loves my weirdness. Don’t rush it, would suck to be with the wrong person trust me (btdt).

Just enjoy life, that is how we met. We were not looking, honestly what got us talking was family that was dying and we became friends to support the deaths of a parent..sorry, not a happy occasion but at our age it happens. I’m saying it will happen when your not looking.

My first thought was that they probably don’t know what to say to you and it’s just small talk. I’ll make sure I don’t say that to a younger person lol, you’ve taught me something! I’ve done it to young single men I know that are casual friends never thinking that they may take it personal. Thank you for that education - we can talk bout other stuff....Go Packers!

 

[Fino]

You've got bigger issues to deal with! This whole thing about thinking you're a deficient person. This certainly stems from the standards put forth by the neurotypical world. I bet I could talk to you for hours a day for weeks and never find a legitimate reason to consider you deficient.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

On one hand, folks on the spectrum definitely have the types of communication issues that make relationships difficult. It was shear dumb luck my girlfriend, now my wife, found me. I wasn't looking per se, but I was still a typical horny 18 yr old kid, so I was, if nothing else, motivated. I can definitely relate with the frustration. I have had girls interested in me before this in middle school and high school, but frankly, my communication issues made them pretty short lived, at best, on/off again. The "nice guy" athlete that attracted girls, but couldn't meet their needs emotionally and communication-wise. Basically, I didn't know what it was that made a good relationship,...totally clueless in many departments. It's coming up on 35 years now with the same woman,...I don't know how she puts up with me some days,...as I am very quiet, hours of non-verbal, and I still cannot read her moods,...I always have to ask. I am loyal, always give her affection, and always supportive and trusting. We raised two successful young men,...very proud of them. We both have good careers, stability in our lives, and don't worry about money. We are a great team.

On the other hand, logically, given that there are over 100 genetic markers for autism on the human genome,...those genes did not die out,...they continue,...suggesting a whole lot of autistics are passing those genes onto the next generations.

So, I wouldn't count yourself out just yet. If you are out in the world doing your thing, someone is likely to stumble across you,...and like me,...probably dumb luck. Doesn't matter how it happens, but it certainly happens to a significant amount of us. Now, if you are not interacting with the world and people,...logically, this reduces your opportunities.

 

[paloftoon]

Maybe if your parents are going to be so pushy, maybe ask them to pay for one of those match making services or a dating coach or a life coach. Someone who can possibly be in your back corner and always wants to try to help you excel in your overall life could be a positive thing.

There might be women who may not need certain nuanced physicalities or those certain emotions that others look for. It is very likely to be a non-NT person. It's not easy- that is for sure.

 

[MyLifeAsAnAspie]

Yes, as Paloftoon points out, there are "girlfriend stores" match making services, etc. I don't know if that works out well for us, I never tried them. I think you mean you're deficient in relationship skills. They can be learned. The difficulty is find women to practice your skills on. Sure a girlfriend would be great, but not necessary for learning relationship skills. If you can find a woman to talk to who is not in the market for a boyfriend, for whatever reason, she might be a good place to start your emotional education.