Getting OUT of conversations. How?

[OkRad]

I am increasingly finding that I am getting trapped in conversations because I do not want to be rude. I have posted how this works, someone comes up says something.......I use a few words and then it just goes on and on.

Yesterday some guy sat right down next to me and started to tell me his whole life. It always starts with someone asking what I am reading.

If I tell them, they want to know WHY I am reading it "Are you in college?" That is always question number two.

Then they go into all this detail about where they went to school and how many terms and what they do now, and I start to feel suffocated.

Now, I know people are lonely. In the past, I felt that burden, to be the one to let people unload to. I am small and innocuous looking, so I get this a lot. People feel I am safe and I like that. I ALSO like to talk to people who want two way conversation and at least let me squeek out a few words.

But, because of my nature and how I look, I am either ignored or dumped on. And I CAN"T get out of it!!!!

So I sit there and start to zone and feel all panicky. I am autistic and I have a schedule i HAVE to keep!! With 30 minutes off, the whole day can go to hell pretty fast.

How do you guys STOP a convseration that has turned into nothing more than a dump session for the other person?? Please post of you know.

It is not in my nature to be rude, so I can't just up and walk away. But I am looking for things to say. I do try to say, "I have to go" but often I am in a place where I do NOT have to leave, like a gym or something. I just want back into my own headspace.

I can't say, " I have to go back into my own thoughts now. Bye"

 

[Suzanne]

I honestly do not know! I thought when I saw your title that I was going to read something that was exactly my issue, but not so!

I find that if anything I gabble on and on, because of not knowing how to end a conversation, as it is hard enough to start one, let alone finish one.

But, yes, thinking about it, I have been in a similar situation as you describe and all I can think of is: oh when are you going to shut up and leave me alone, but the problem is, I am so terribly polite because I just hate being rude, that I just let them go on and on and on and then I zone out as it were.

However, that was when I was in England, my own country; don't get it in France, and so, for that am thankful.

Sorry I cannot offer any helpful tips to you.

 

[OkRad]

I honestly do not know! I thought when I saw your title that I was going to read something that was exactly my issue, but not so!

I find that if anything I gabble on and on, because of not knowing how to end a conversation, as it is hard enough to start one, let alone finish one.

But, yes, thinking about it, I have been in a similar situation as you describe and all I can think of is: oh when are you going to shut up and leave me alone, but the problem is, I am so terribly polite because I just hate being rude, that I just let them go on and on and on and then I zone out as it were.

However, that was when I was in England, my own country; don't get it in France, and so, for that am thankful.

Sorry I cannot offer any helpful tips to you.

Maybe I ought to move to France! :-D

 

[toothless]

'sorry i need to interrupt but is it ok if i go do my shopping/gym/work etc because i need to keep to my schedule-it makes me very anxious if i dont'.
what about that? it begins with politeness,includes a reason and ends with an explanation i think that would be ok if you want to be polite-i personally just drift into my own world when people talk to me;especially with something boring or if theyre telling me off,and it often ends with just doing my own thing and the people walking off,it takes a lot for me to stay in reality while communication is going on.

 

[Suzanne]

Maybe I ought to move to France! :-D

Come on over, then!

 

[WereBear]

As they say in theater: Put a button on it.

I act fascinated, but then come to myself with a glance at a timepiece; oh, wow, time got away from me, I have to get back to XYZ.

And then, just, go back to it.

 

[Full Steam]

I've noticed the way skilled nts do it and I copy them.

Sorry I've got to be really rude, I have a meeting to go to... Maybe I see you around.

It's hard because it needs us to take control and I tend to give control to the other person, especially in the ending of a conversation so I don't appear rude.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

I don't think you really can without hurting the person in some way or another. You can let them down easily and say, "Sorry, but I want to get back to read this now" or "Sorry, but I need to go now", or you can take the arsehole approach and tell them to bugger off. Both can be quite painful!

Your post did make me chuckle a bit inside though because it's such an awkward thought.

 

[Full Steam]

I think it's possible to get out of most things without hurt feelings.

I think we are overly sympathic and worry out hurt feelings too much.

I've know people who are such great diplomats that I can't imagine them ever hurting feelings.

And if they said the same thing in every situation, who would know? Copy them.