Frustrated, Not Sure Who To Turn To...

[Stray]

Hey guys.

Just joined because I'm really, really frustrated. Sorry, I should really greet people with a friendly, uplifting post, but I just need to get this off my chest and find some support. It's been bothering me a lot recently.

I have aspergers. I'm not bothered by that at all. But when it comes to social interactions I feel as though I just can't win. Either I'm not talking at all, which is a huge amount of the time, or I'll find something to talk about and I'll end up getting things wrong. Even if I know what I'm talking about, I'll start talking or trying to convey a message and I'll start confusing myself or struggling and then I'll get concerned I'll come across as annoying to the people around me because I look like I don't know what I'm talking about.

I've thought about just not talking at all a lot recently. I've already raised concerns about selective mutism with my local GP, and I know that selective mutism isn't voluntary (I believe I do experience it), but I'm really tempted to shut myself off and give up talking altogether. I barely talk as it is. Logically this is an automatic red flag and I need to work out and work on this problem before it escalates.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I really don't know what to do or who to talk to...

 

[Nisk]

Hello, I know the feeling of remaining silent simply because everything I think I'm about to say is either being judged or I just can't seem to express what's actually in my head in way for others to understand. Generally for me this happens if I'm feeling anxiety or fears. I start to blurt out the first thoughts that come to me and they don't always make sense to people. In the last little while I've spent a lot more time writing out my thoughts. It's seeming to help especially if people ask me about what's going on in my life. It's not a perfect solution I still stumble frequently but I choose to have people in my life that accept me for who I am, knowing this makes it easier for me. Which means less anxiety and less silence.

 

[King_Oni]

Have you considered finding a better crowd? Yeah, it sounds a bit easy I suppose... especially with many on the spectrum dealing with all kinds of social issues and anxiety to meet others.

However; I know that I can't relate to a lot of people in real life and have little to no things in common with them. It's like people expecting me to talk to them about the sporting event that was on tv last night, while I might not even care for sport, let alone that specific event.

When I end up talking to people about things I know about, it's less awkward, weird and confusing for either party.

I often compare my social interaction as that on a forum like this one here. I can choose where to respond and thus give my 2 cents when I think I can say something useful, as opposed to being dragged into a conversation and feel totally alienated.

That all said, even if you pick another crowd; I think it's a 2-way thing. If people can't be patient with you and notice you're struggling and can't deal with that, you're at an unfair advantage to start with.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Hey guys.

Just joined because I'm really, really frustrated. Sorry, I should really greet people with a friendly, uplifting post, but I just need to get this off my chest and find some support. It's been bothering me a lot recently.

I have aspergers. I'm not bothered by that at all. But when it comes to social interactions I feel as though I just can't win. Either I'm not talking at all, which is a huge amount of the time, or I'll find something to talk about and I'll end up getting things wrong. Even if I know what I'm talking about, I'll start talking or trying to convey a message and I'll start confusing myself or struggling and then I'll get concerned I'll come across as annoying to the people around me because I look like I don't know what I'm talking about.

I've thought about just not talking at all a lot recently. I've already raised concerns about selective mutism with my local GP, and I know that selective mutism isn't voluntary (I believe I do experience it), but I'm really tempted to shut myself off and give up talking altogether. I barely talk as it is. Logically this is an automatic red flag and I need to work out and work on this problem before it escalates.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I really don't know what to do or who to talk to...

I don't have advice, but I have stories.

I was rated the 2nd-quietest girl in high school polls one year because I never talked unless directly addressed. I just couldn't think of anything to say. Event today I don't talk a lot unless one of my special interests comes up. And then it's embarrassing because words just spill out, even when I clip someone else's words, and I can feel that gee that was rude but meanwhile the Special Interest Engine keeps grinding on. I hate that.

I do have a question, I realize. Do you have an anxiety disorder as well? I have GAD, a pretty strong case of it, and that, more than my aspiedom, is what I struggle with when I struggle to talk.