Forever Alone

[JDartistic]

For the last ten years, increasingly so in recent years, I've been virtually "married" to my photography, and I really don't feel bothered by it, I'm 45 by the way, wasn't even bothered to try finding a life partner...

Back in the spring I literally stumbled into what has become a casual relationship with another lady who is about my age, as near as I can tell we aren't officially dating, just doing lots of things together...

I was reflecting recently, one thing I've noticed with this relationship is that we are both very independent, she has never married either, I've had 27 adult years of pretty much doing my own thing when I want to, and I know it would be very difficult for me to have my personal time taken away from me...

Because I am at heart a loner still, just today, had my weekly Sunday morning breakfast while reading the newspaper (alone), then went to church as I usually do (that's social), after church I went to our local flea market as I often do (a mix of social and being a loner), and then took my camera for a walk through a couple of downtown districts, just on my own, and I do enjoy that... Then the weekly grocery trip and then home (where I live on my own, and don't mind it) to get ready for another work week...

There are times in the week when I do go into social settings, and now a few times when I spend time with my female friend, most of the week I don't really, come home from work and do whatever I do in the evening before going to bed, on my own...

I know that some people, especially people from non-western cultures, think it's strange to have a life like that, with little contact and to not be married by a certain age...

My life is similar to that - I work in DC so I have contact, then on weekends, I'm at the Farmer's Market & sometimes even do brunch by myself. I don't have a sex-buddy, though. That's good you have that, but I really just want a best friend - someone who will call me on my sh****t b/c sometimes I make mistakes and really benefit from having a different perspective and a friend who cares enough about me to offer good advice when things are tough.

I guess I'm just lonely these days - it happens in life when you have friends, and then things change and you don't.

I find it harder as I'm aging to make new friends. it seems like everyone is either coupled or engrossed in their own lives/kids to have a "best friend" scenario, but I realize that's what I'm seeking...

 

[-SN]

I can't believe they left you in the hospital, they probably charged you an extra fee for that too!

Maybe we need an app for Aspies , to talk to, for hospital pick ups... we could pay extra to talk about our special interests that no one wants to hear about HA HA.

Seriously, having someone to keep things from blowing up does seem very important.

 

[Mindf'Elle'ness]

I relate to this totally. My biggest heartbreaks were after my 2 long term relationships. One recently & one in my 20’s. Both lasted 7 years & both cheated. The problem was that it took me 10 years to get over it! I don’t cope well, so it seems.

Re getting older & getting help, u r right on. That’s why I asked this question too. My mom has Alzheimer’s & all I see for myself is what I see in her, & it’s terrifying. I’ll be the crazy lady in the hood. I’m really scared of that.

But facing life as an older autistic can honestly be scary. My family disowned me when I was 18, so I have no one to even pick me up after medical procedures. If I was ever hospitalized, no one would be there, not to mention who would care for my dog?

That’s the terrifying reality for me & im trying to sort it out cuz it keeps me up at night.

I would love to pick you up after your medical appointments AND I would adopt your dog! We should all be looking out for each other.

 

[Mindf'Elle'ness]

Question - how do you cope with the realization that you may be alone forever?

I don’t mean this in a negative way. I’m asking bc I have faced this question myself throughout my life, but especially now as an older autistic person.

I want to finally be okay with accepting this truth, that I have fought all my life but failed.

Now, I’m thinking most of us understand this question, but I need practical Hope.

How do I face this reality of being alone forever without getting down about it? Before, I was young & beautiful (like all of us!) & people accepted me bc I guess I was aesthetic, but now I’m older &...well, not so much...

I keep getting hit by the Ugly Stick Of Age. I’m also facing mortality, as we all do as we get older.

So, I need a little advice from my fellow autistic friends - I’m depressed now thinking about how shallow this probably sounds, but then again, this is what’s happening. Even my ex-wife left me saying - ‘you r struggling w getting older.’ Note that she left me for a younger woman! LOL

But what she said was true. How do I accept being alone when it matters most?

PS I apologize in advance for asking this question...

When we're part of a couple, SOMEONE has to be the first to die. The other will be too old to meet someone else or too old to care.
I don't want to be alone which is what drive me to the dating sites which are frustrating and disappointing, but it's all I've got because I don't have a social circle and everyone I work with is female. It sucks.
My boyfriend died of cancer last Fall and I took care of him to the absolute best of my ability because he was so special to me AND had no one else to turn to. He was a loner by choice and by circumstance. Now who will look after me when I eventually have health problems? My kids? Not if their current lifestyle is any indication of how responsible they'll be as adults LOL.
That's why I am hyper focused on trying to stay as healthy as I can now with exercise, better nutrition, meditation, etc. I think I should focus on the 'Meet-ups' where I live and maybe meet a new best friend.