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Forced to Socialize

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by Justin Scarpulla, Nov 28, 2020.

  1. Justin Scarpulla

    Justin Scarpulla Active Member

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    To make a long story short, my family is going to see some family friends tomorrow, and I basically have to come, even though I am 22 and should be able to make decisions for myself. If any of you guys have social anxiety or have been forced to socialize, how did you deal with the scenario ? The last time I went to this family friend's house I had a panic attack and sat in the car for about 20 minutes before I went in , so hopefully I don't do that again.
     
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  2. Gracey

    Gracey Well-Known Member

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    Learned to cope, and am STILL learning to cope by remembering what I can control.

    I'm in control of finding a quiet space to 'take a minute' if I need it, even if it is a bathroom, garage, garden or other.

    I'm in control of my breathing.

    I'm in control of using any and all methods to help me calm myself.

    I'm in control of scripts and masks.


    So even though I'm required to put myself in a temporary situation that scares me,
    I remain in control of many aspects.

    I also look forward to the journey home too. Knowing I've survived yet another social situation is a 'feather in my cap'

    - I haven't died at any of these social gatherings, in that respect my success rate is at 100% :)
     
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  3. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    At your age and before, I had not even heard of aspergers and just went along, because I felt I had no choice.

    However, it was excruiating and I was known to be the one who sat in the corner, barely speaking. I hated those times.

    I am now married and sadly, do not like any of my husband's family. I find them horribly potentious and cannot cope being around them and I guess, it is because of my experiences as a child and so, I put a stop to seeing any of his family and, well, he just accepts it.
     
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  4. Alexej

    Alexej Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    As I read this I remember when I was a teenager my parents arranged for me to go to the disco of some friends or theirs, and whose children I knew. It was a big disco, with lots and lots of people - most of whom I did not know. I think their motivation was to get me to know more people - in and of itself an understandable goal.

    I could not cope with it all and bailed out and stayed outside most of the time.
    Now, with hindsight I see this event in a different light, and understand my reaction differently.
     
  5. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

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    I'll be honest here: at that age, I just started refusing to do stuff. Parties? Nope, I'm staying home. Nope, you cant make me go with.

    Are you sure you really MUST go? Or are you just going along with it because you sorta feel that it's necessary?
     
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  6. Justin Scarpulla

    Justin Scarpulla Active Member

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    Its not like I must go necessarily, but if I tried to argue against it there would be a whole argument with my parents, and I don't want that, that might even be worse than just going anyways.
     
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  7. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

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    When I have to accompany my wife to a social event I have a variety of strategies.

    If there is anyone at all interesting, I try to spend some time with them instead of bouncing off people who are uninteresting and not interested in me.

    If it is loud, I wear earplugs. Are noise canceling earbuds an option?

    If I can find a low intensity corner, I'm on my smart phone doing stuff. God bless smartphones!

    I'll often go for a long walk. A stroll down the streets can be very pleasant.

    Take your own vehicle so you can leave when you want. And you can just sit in it for a while, out of the fray.

    Sometimes you just have to shut off the environment and go live inside your head for a while.
     
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  8. UberScout

    UberScout Are you there, God? ...Hello? V.I.P Member

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    "Yeah sure, let's put UberScout in a room full of people he didn't know existed. Should we give him any choice in the matter? NOPE! Follow the leader, Simon Says!"

    The feelings I have toward these peopl are not morally right and will lower my vibrations if I go any further with them...
     
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  9. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

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    Always have an exit strategy!
     
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  10. EeveeFae

    EeveeFae Active Member

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    I agree with the phone and car thing, to be able to do your own thing and leave when you want.
    If you have Nintendo Switch or any other hand-held console, I'd bring that too. You can play it in the corner and you can avoid most conversation you're not interested in by saying "can't talk right now, this is difficult and needs all of my attention" and some of the people who come to talk might ask about what you're doing, and you can talk about something you're interested in on your own terms, stop the conversation whenever you want with "this part is very difficult"
    You could also bring a book, one that's not digital, and take that out to read, then you have an even better excuse, because you can lie and say its for school or a book club or a friend wants you to read it, so its really important that you read it RIGHT NOW. Nope, don't have time to talk, you're reading.
    If absolutely none of that works you can always try to explain that you're emotionally exhausted and just don't feel like/don't have the energy to talk right now.
     
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