first move?

[thejuice]

If a woman has liked you or 'friended' you on a dating app would they still expect you to make the first move, generally?

 

[tree]

Doesn't 'liking' or 'friending' count as a move, itself?

 

[thejuice]

good point!

 

[zaphod]

If you're talking about something like tinder, you're expected to send the first message. You'll need to think of something clever or creative. 9 times out of 10, "Hey, how are you?" won't get a response.

 

[tree]

"How are you?" would stop me cold.

I wouldn't know how to reply to that.

Sure, I know the *ritual.*

How are you/I am fine/How are you....

It's not conducive to actual conversation, from
my point of view.

 

[thejuice]

Ill see if i can find a clue from their profile of what to talk about. Funny or creative Im neither but will do my best!!

 

[thejuice]

Im on facebook dating because its free, hooray!

 

[zaphod]

In my experience, even coming up with a specific based on their profile won't get a response most of the time. Like if she likes travelling, saying something like "Hey, I see you like travelling. Me too. Where have you been?" Is okay, but in my experience, still more than likely to not get a response.

Saying something like "Hey, I see you like travelling! I used to like travelling until I got banned from Mexico for skinny dipping in a vat of Corona"... and you're probably up to like 90% chance of a response.

Wait, don't use that - I'm calling keepsies on that one. Think I want to give that a try.

 

[thejuice]

*highlight Zaphod funny opener* *click* copy *click* paste haha just kidding!

 

[wards]

Go for it!

 

[zaphod]

Lol. Had a tinder match from weeks ago that I never messaged and sent that one. Will let you know if she actually replies.

 

[Tom]

When the woman makes the first move, it often means she can kick your ass. Which can be fun.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Yep this is nothing new

 

[thejuice]

A girl at school made the first move on me once. She asked if i wanted to go out with her. I took it literally and I panicked because I had never been on a night out to town before lmao. So i said no because i didnt want to look stupid and so she thought I was a bastard from that moment on!! I fancied her but I was too embarrassed to ever explain what happened lol. She humiliated me in class to get back at me for that one.

 

[Cryptid]

If a woman has liked you or 'friended' you on a dating app would they still expect you to make the first move, generally?

You are asking what a woman would be thinking after she had "Friended" someone.

It is impossible to know what anyone is thinking, even if they tell you

 

[thejuice]

Im asking what customs are expected on a dating app

 

[Cryptid]

If someone 'friends' you, then 'friend' them back.

 

[paloftoon]

Write whatever you want that is reasonably kosher. Just try something if you're interested. Women tend to like more details, but they are kind of hypocritical because they don't always respond to people who write more in length. I think saying "Hi how're you?" and if they respond, then explicating more or saying something short but a bit more thoughtful such as "What is your favorite type of music?" might suffice to start. Then if they respond, then there's at least an ounce of interest.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

This video only adds fuel to fire in terms of my lifelong anger and resentment towards this gender dynamic:

 

[Hypnalis]

adds fuel to fire in terms of my lifelong anger and resentment towards this gender dynamic

I have a certain amount of sympathy for you, as I do for anyone with genuine problems.

But there's always an implied condition on that: people need to do the best they can to address their problems.
You're literally doing the opposite.

Anger is not newly evolved, nor is the mechanism limited to apes. It's for fighting against adversity, the environment, Smilodons, and other people. There's a cost though - it's like releasing some NO2 into an IC engine, and it strains the system (by "design" if you think about it).

Turning it on yourself is generally a bad idea. It's ok if e.g. you carelessly strike your own thumb with a hammer. But anger at the environment is another matter.

Disengage the anger from the resentment.
This isn't so hard - in almost everyone, including NDs, that path to anger is a choice.

Work on the resentment.
Less easy, because it's a higher-order effect (mental rather than a low-level physical process).
But it's absolutely possible. It's the kind of thing a decent psychotherapist can actually help with (and that's coming from someone who's highly skeptical of much of what that profession gets up to)

Accept that "romance" is going to be difficult for you, possibly for the rest of your life.
This is a bitter pill of course,, but what's the alternative?

It's much better to be calm and a bit regretful, than angry, unhappy, and burning up your body and mind with adrenaline.

I won't give you any directed advice otherwise, but I'll repeat an earlier comment, which is based on extensive personal experience:
Interpersonal interactions with strangers and acquaintances go much better if you're happy in yourself. Achieving this takes some time and effort of course, but it's the best kind of skill/capability to train: small improvements have an immediate effect.