First Crush In Ages - Very Confused

[sbrocksman]

Okay, so I should explain that I'm 22, but I'm very inexperienced when it comes to romance. In many ways the feeling is like a novelty to me, and I think for those reasons, I treat it a lot like a high school crush

But to get to the story. I recently joined a class for 3D animation, I usually get there by train. I've been doing my best to interact with more students there, something of which is a challenge since I have social anxiety, but there was one particular female student who happens to travel to the same railway station with me after class (though we don't get the same train)

Now at first I didn't think much of it, but I enjoyed her company. Every time we talked on the way to the station, it left me with a good feeling inside, but I didn't think much of it.
About a week later, I realised in some ways I was behaving differently. I was missing out on doing things like going to places I enjoyed or buying things I liked in favour of talking to her. It was at that point I realised I was quickly developing a crush on her. It got stronger since then, like I would wait after class just to get the chance to talk to her, though I did my best to not make it obvious. I'm friends with her, and she caught on the fact I was waiting once, and even joked about it a little, though I tried my best to deny it

My point is, I have no idea what to do next. I want to tell her, but my anxiety keeps getting in the way. I keep worrying about things like how awkward it would be in class afterwards if she didn't feel the same, or that I might embarrass myself when telling her

 

[nowwhat]

As an aspie who has loved quite a few times, and been crushed into shards and driven into the mire by Love's iron hooves many times, proceed very, very slowly and carefully. Your social cluelessness can lead you make all kinds of mistakes here. You could misinterpret her actions, mess up without knowing it, fail to get your position and feelings across, etc. etc. ad nauseum. First, the chances of any worthwhile romance of any duration developing are minute, even for a pair of NTs. For us, with our basic inability to communicate with others, this is much much more true.

Sometimes, cliche's are nonetheless wise: Don't get your hopes up and ignore that crazy biochemical voice that's taking over you endocrine system, digestion, reproductive system, and has commandeered the steering wheel from you intellect. Take the wheel back, and immediately adopt this mantra: "I cannot trust my heart. I will not allow it to make decisions, though I will listen to it."

She might have some serious interest in you, or she might be friendly, curious, or as is often the case, she might just be a girl who loves attention from guys. Are you good looking? Do you act oddly? What are the odds she is considering you for romance? Go online and and Google, "How can I tell if she likes me." It's really helpful. Think of some safe, public, neutral friendly thing you can do together, convenient to your "routine" and see if she wants to spend a bit of extra time with you, outside of school and the train. Ask her to a meal, or somesuch. Her answer to this will tell you much.

My point is, risk is unavoidable here, but foolish risk is not necessary. Give her space, play it cool, but when you do see her, make it clear you are glad to see her. I would leave off the stalker-y waiting around for her stuff. If she is interested, she will want you do make some sort of formal, ritualized move soon, as I explained above. Give her a chance to reach out to you a bit. Even if she is enjoying your company, she is still getting to know you, and is entitled to, and may change her mind suddenly at any time. She may genuinely enjoy your company, but have zero sexual or romantic interest in you.

Just don't do anything extreme, though you are boiling inside. And remember, humiliation is part of living life and though it may make you want to die, it will not kill you. And remember, no matter what happens, be kind and loving toward her. No matter what.

I get what you are going through, and hope you will keep us updated. Hope this helps.