Finally figured out what i was looking for in a woman.

[Wolfnox]

I couldn't place my finger on it at first. But i know now. Its not her body or her accomplishments. Its not what she owns or how much money she has. Its her spirit. A woman with a beautiful mind and spirit. Something hard to find. But you know it when you see it.

 

[Crossbreed]

You have to be able to look at her, too!

 

[Raggamuffin]

There's a new Tom Papa stand up on Netflix and he talks about what to look for in a partner. It was hilarious, and right on the money in some ways.

I agree, it is down to spirit and temperament. I rushed into dating a few people mainly based on looks and it turned out their personality didn't match their beauty.

One tip, if you like someone, take time to get to know them properly. Talk regularly for several months. I think when we like someone our judgement can get a little clouded. Spending a decent amount of time getting to know all about them helps rationalise them as a person.

I think we're all guilty of it on dates - trying to seem alluring and likeable. Glossing over the weirder bits to our persona. That's why talking regularly before even dating feels like a must. You get to know the real person, not the display model.

Ed

 

[Major Tom]

There's a new Tom Papa stand up on Netflix and he talks about what to look for in a partner. It was hilarious, and right on the money in some ways.

I agree, it is down to spirit and temperament. I rushed into dating a few people mainly based on looks and it turned out their personality didn't match their beauty.

One tip, if you like someone, take time to get to know them properly. Talk regularly for several months. I think when we like someone our judgement can get a little clouded. Spending a decent amount of time getting to know all about them helps rationalise them as a person.

I think we're all guilty of it on dates - trying to seem alluring and likeable. Glossing over the weirder bits to our persona. That's why talking regularly before even dating feels like a must. You get to know the real person, not the display model.

Ed

Good advice. I personally think it takes a few years of actually living with someone to know who they really are.

I couldn't place my finger on it at first. But i know now. Its not her body or her accomplishments. Its not what she owns or how much money she has. Its her spirit. A woman with a beautiful mind and spirit. Something hard to find. But you know it when you see it.

You definitely have the right idea. This goes for men or women. If you settle for beauty, money, or power, you are eventually doomed for heartbreak.

 

[Peter Jansen]

I couldn't place my finger on it at first. But i know now. Its not her body or her accomplishments. Its not what she owns or how much money she has. Its her spirit. A woman with a beautiful mind and spirit. Something hard to find. But you know it when you see it.

Does physical attraction not factor into this at all, WP? For me it does.

 

[Alexej]

One tip, if you like someone, take time to get to know them properly. Talk regularly for several months. I think when we like someone our judgement can get a little clouded. Spending a decent amount of time getting to know all about them helps rationalise them as a person.

Notwithstanding that it took my wife 20 years to work out I was Aspie

 

[Crossbreed]

Does physical attraction not factor into this at all, WP?

It means that you can tick that box.
☑ Not ugly.
(There are a few other boxes that should be ticked before you start to get serious.)

 

[GadAbout]

Physical attraction though is more than a profile photo. My husband loves that I share a similar sense of humor, and sometimes my face conveys it better than any words - rolling my eyes, cringing, laughing out loud, etc. Plus a good, sincere smile is attractive, but may not come across in the picture. The compatibility regarding hugs, etc. is part of physical attraction that doesn't show up in a photo. I guess all these things are part of "spirit" but they are also certainly part of physical attraction.

I was having breakfast in a restaurant with a group of friends and a man at another table said he loved my laugh! (It's a bold, hearty laugh.)

 

[Crossbreed]

Physical attraction though is more than a profile photo. My husband loves that I share a similar sense of humor, and sometimes my face conveys it better than any words - rolling my eyes, cringing, laughing out loud, etc. Plus a good, sincere smile is attractive, but may not come across in the picture. The compatibility regarding hugs, etc. is part of physical attraction that doesn't show up in a photo. I guess all these things are part of "spirit" but they are also certainly part of physical attraction.

And favorable pheromones, too.

 

[Peter Jansen]

And favorable pheromones, too.

What do you know about pheromones, Crossbreed?

 

[Crossbreed]

What do you know about pheromones, Crossbreed?

Just my own experiences before & after marriage, and what I have read. They are odorless, but are detected in the sense of smell.

Favorable strong ones* evoke a giddy feeling (even for strangers) even if there might be somebody else prettier in the same room.

Unfavorable strong ones evoke a repulsion even for strangers that aren't particularly ugly (or mean).

There seems to be familiar pheromones, too, that are positive, but sexually neutral. These kind are common between opposite-sex family members.

None of these happen with images, photos, videos, etc. And the strong ones dissipate with physical distance.

*One theory suggests that the stronger positive attraction may be due to more dissimilar DNA; an ideal mate, reproductively speaking.