Fiance 'lost' 150 bucks out of his pocket, I'm having a meltdown

[zapbook]

Hi everyone,

I hope fellow aspies will be able to give me some guidance, because I could sure use it. My fiancé and I recently got 200 dollars from his mother, as a Christmas gift. After using some of it for shopping, he forgot to take the remaining 150 dollars out of his coat pocket. After trying to look for it all day, I just realised he didn't even take the envelope with money out of his pocket before we left for church yesterday. It's very likely someone walked in during the service and stole the money from his pocket. The coat room is only a few feet from the church door.

I spent the last three hours having a huge meltdown, and I'm still having trouble wrapping my head around it. The thought of theft makes me very sad and uncomfortable. I have a hard time dealing with injustice. But the thought of him handling his money so carelessly disturbs me even more. Every time I think about that money being in someone else's possession, I cry.

My mother raised me to always look after my money and take care of it. This leads me to say that he should sell some of his belongings to get back the 150 dollars (for example, his Playstation 3). I couldn't look his mother in the face without him doing so, and I think it'd be an insult to his mother, himself and to me if he didn't try to get some of the money back in another way.

Do you have any tips about how I should try to calm myself down? Currently, I'm so stuck with those negative thoughts I feel like my entire week has already been ruined.

Thank you in advance!

Zapbook

 

[Ereth]

Go out for some exercise and see if that helps. Hug a stuffed animal (or a real one, if available). Write out your thoughts.

Ultimately, though, I think what happens between your fiancé and your future mother-in-law has to be between them. I think he should be honest about what happened, but let him figure out what he wants to do about making it up to her. You could also try reporting the incident. Even if you can't get the money back, you can help others become more aware of the possible risk of leaving money in an unattended coat pocket.

My parents taught me never to carry more than maybe $50 in cash in my wallet at any time, and this story tells me that's a good lesson.

 

[Ste11aeres]

Umm, the money was a Christmas gift. So why should he sell belongings in order to get it back?
And as Ereth said, what happens between him and his mother in regards to this should really be between him and his mother.

 

[Soup]

Everything Ereth & Ste11aeres said.

This is a good lesson for you too. Knowing where the boundaries are in family relationships can be challenging. This is not your problem to have. Also, it was 150$; not 150,000$. While losing money sucks, this is not a catastrophic loss. Another thing: there is no evidence that the money was stolen. Cloakrooms are crowded places & coats get bunched together. It is entirely possible that the envelope slipped out of his pocket. Granted, the person who found it could have reported it, but it is entirely possible that some kid has it or that the person who found it really needed the money & it seemed like good luck to him or her.

When my son was in kindergarten, I remember a little girl pulling out a wallet bulging with money & trying to 'share' it with her friends. The wallet turned out to have been her father's: she had found it on the floor some time after it had fallen from the man's back pocket. Being only 5, it did not even occur to her that it was her father's, nor did she think she was doing anything wrong in handing out the money. I called the teacher over & she was able to return the wallet to the man, money intact.

 

[asnlifecoach]

Someone stole the money. Report it to the church/police, make it known that you know it was stolen. He should not sell his playstation because someone robbed him. I understand your feelings but you have to remember to separate yourself from him. You can't make people behave the way you behave. Everyone is an individual. He made a mistake you would not make, but that doesn't mean he is wrong. It was a human error, poor judgement, and it is done and should be let go. Perhaps he will learn not to leave money in his pocket next time, perhaps he will not. The best you can do is prevent as much as possible and let the rest go. The way you would breathe out after holding your breath for a long period of time. ahhhhhh. You can do it!