Female uber driver gave me a hug

[Polchinski]

I am not suggesting medication.

I am saying it sounds like you could use practice
in socialization, and that a professional psychotherapist
would be able to direct you toward that sort of program.

The only reason I mentioned medication is that you said "psychiatrist" rather than "psychologist". But then again, psychiatrist can work as a psychologist: back when I was in high school I was seeing psychiatrist and she didn't put me on medications: she just had counseling sessions.

By the way, that didn't help me either. Because most of my counseling sessions in high school were focused on how I shouldn't interrupt classes, which is the reason I was sent there. Clearly this is not my current problem. So none of what we talked about really applies any more.

 

[tree]

So you're saying that you've been in no specific classes
or programs in which the focus was learning to socialize
in a general way.

A group of people with a supervisor facilitating the interactions.

 

[Polchinski]

So you're saying that you've been in no specific classes
or programs in which the focus was learning to socialize
in a general way.

A group of people with a supervisor facilitating the interactions.

I been to a group therapy at the university. But then I didn't get along with one of the people there and they removed me from that group.

However, I went there for the whole semester before they removed me. And it didn't help.

 

[tree]

Was the group designed specifically for learning general
socializing? Or was the focus on something else?

 

[Polchinski]

Was the group designed specifically for learning general
socializing? Or was the focus on something else?

Most others in that group dealt with bipolar and things like that. But obviously it wasn't "just" for bipolar since I was sent there for Asperger. I first went to one on one counseling, and then that counselor sent me to that group.

 

[Polchinski]

I just came to the restaurant with that waitress. In fact I am sitting there now. As you can see, she is not next to me at the moment (I won't be writing it in front of her). But she talked to me for five minutes and had her hand on my shoulder as she did. I really liked it She said she will come back: she just needs to serve some people. But she was excited to see me, at least acted like she was.

 

[PonderingPrincess]

But she didn't just hug me on an instinct. Instead she said "I feel like giving you a hug", which made it sound like a deliberate action. Plus hug lasted for a few seconds, while usually hugs are quick.

She kept smiling and sounding super excited from the get go. Again, though, I knew it was because it was uber, so I wasn't surprised. But then the hug was a lot more surprising.

Perhaps this is a good opportunity to learn how to ask why? Maybe asking her about the hug seems weird to you, perhaps it never occurred to you to ask, or perhaps you were to surprised to ask…but everybody is different and I firmly believe there are no formulas in human interactions. I might have asked her if I found it really perplexing. You can’t know for sure unless that person tells you. You could try also to ask the Denny’s person on their take if they witnessed the hug. Politely asking with a tiny explanation about getting confused by social cues might have worked without making either of you uncomfortable—but I wasn’t there and I don’t know you either. It’s just my take—when in doubt ask.

 

[Polchinski]

Perhaps this is a good opportunity to learn how to ask why?

Since your were quoting my text about the Uber, I can't ask Uber lady why because I am not in the town where she is and we didn't exchange contact information. Maybe I should have back then, but I guess its too late now. Unless uber app somehow allows you to get into contact with previous drivers. Does it? But even if it did, it would probably be creepy to ask her, given that we only talked once and its been a week.

You could try also to ask the Denny’s person on their take if they witnessed the hug.

A few clarifications are in order:

1) The waitress I talked about does not work in Denny's. She works at Range Cafe.

2) Its true that I go to Dennys a lot. But I haven't made friends with any waitresses there

3) Neither people in Dennys nor that lady in Range Cafe wittnessed the hug. Thats because the hug that I got from the uber driver was in a completely different town where I got stranded along the way. So none of them even know her.

Well, now that you gave me an idea, I guess I "could" ask that Range Cafe lady about her opinion of the Uber lady. Why not? She just won't have any more info than people here on the board.

 

[Forest Cat]

Well, now that you gave me an idea, I guess I "could" ask that Range Cafe lady about the hug. Why not? She just won't have any more info than people here on the board.

I think you should let that hug go and move on. There really is no reason to keep bothering yourself with it. You should have more important things to think about and talking about it to that waitress just seems a little pointless. She won't know anything about it, she wasn't there. If it happens again, then you can just ask. And try to move on now, I think that's the healthiest thing to do.

 

[paloftoon]

Since your were quoting my text about the Uber, I can't ask Uber lady why because I am not in the town where she is and we didn't exchange contact information. Maybe I should have back then, but I guess its too late now. Unless uber app somehow allows you to get into contact with previous drivers. Does it? But even if it did, it would probably be creepy to ask her, given that we only talked once and its been a week.



A few clarifications are in order:

1) The waitress I talked about does not work in Denny's. She works at Range Cafe.

2) Its true that I go to Dennys a lot. But I haven't made friends with any waitresses there

3) Neither people in Dennys nor that lady in Range Cafe wittnessed the hug. Thats because the hug that I got from the uber driver was in a completely different town where I got stranded along the way. So none of them even know her.

Well, now that you gave me an idea, I guess I "could" ask that Range Cafe lady about her opinion of the Uber lady. Why not? She just won't have any more info than people here on the board.

Great observation on not re-contacting Uber driver about the hug since you didn't do it within 1-2 days.
The waitress is glad to serve you because it's her job and you're patronizing the place and tipping her (I hope you're tipping her!) You can totally ask the waitress this question. It is unlikely that the waitress would hang out with you personally outside of you dining in, but I guess in life, you never know if context leads to something else, right?