Dragon's Tooth
Well-Known Member
I'm kind of putting this out there as an aspie thing that has been happening for a while.
I know aspies can be very disconnected from their emotions. I've been feeling this for a while towards my husband. He is wonderful and all ... I mean I couldn't have asked for anyone better. He's a good provider, he accepts me as I am, he is honest trustworthy and so on. Its just I know I should love him and I think I do I just don't feel like I can access those feelings. It sort of feels like I'm standing on the edge of an arena looking in at those feelings and watching them pass me by. There may as well be a massive gulf between the two. I never told him I almost didn't get on the plane to come back home when I made a trip home to see family at christmas. It was like I would be alright without him and it bothered me that I could just put him aside so easily. Maybe it was because I could see a career future in my home country and a means to get it where as in my new country of residence there isn't much for me until permanent residency comes through and even then I'm not sure.
I haven't spoken to him about this. I'm trying to work out in my head what the real answer for me is. If its just me being an aspie or there is something fundamentally wrong with our relationship. Or we have just reached that point that all couples do in a relationship where its petered out and we either have to reignite the relationship or let it go. No matter what I decide I am intending to speak with him about it. But until I can work out my own head there is no point getting him all worked up over something it might not be. He tends to take things and internalize them like they are his problems and it makes it very hard for me because sometimes he just needs to give me a hug but he just doesn't get it and I don't know how to tell him what I need.
I've recently picked up a text book on aspergers (one I found mentioned in this forum) and found that this is an actual part of being an Aspie. That Aspies can be very disconnected from their feelings. Its probably the most frustrating part of being an Aspie is I have this weird sense of knowing all these things that should be happening but they just don't seem to be wired up to the part of the brain that needs to be hooked into it.
This is not the first time I have had this issue. I remember trying to program a computer when I was doing my degree. I felt like I knew how to do it, I could even get it into my head, but when it came to getting the program out of my head it got all tangled and jumbled up. I always felt like the piece that got the computer program out my head and into the computer was missing. Very much like I feel now.
I'm just wondering if other Aspies have experienced the same thing and how they might cope with this stuff.
I know aspies can be very disconnected from their emotions. I've been feeling this for a while towards my husband. He is wonderful and all ... I mean I couldn't have asked for anyone better. He's a good provider, he accepts me as I am, he is honest trustworthy and so on. Its just I know I should love him and I think I do I just don't feel like I can access those feelings. It sort of feels like I'm standing on the edge of an arena looking in at those feelings and watching them pass me by. There may as well be a massive gulf between the two. I never told him I almost didn't get on the plane to come back home when I made a trip home to see family at christmas. It was like I would be alright without him and it bothered me that I could just put him aside so easily. Maybe it was because I could see a career future in my home country and a means to get it where as in my new country of residence there isn't much for me until permanent residency comes through and even then I'm not sure.
I haven't spoken to him about this. I'm trying to work out in my head what the real answer for me is. If its just me being an aspie or there is something fundamentally wrong with our relationship. Or we have just reached that point that all couples do in a relationship where its petered out and we either have to reignite the relationship or let it go. No matter what I decide I am intending to speak with him about it. But until I can work out my own head there is no point getting him all worked up over something it might not be. He tends to take things and internalize them like they are his problems and it makes it very hard for me because sometimes he just needs to give me a hug but he just doesn't get it and I don't know how to tell him what I need.
I've recently picked up a text book on aspergers (one I found mentioned in this forum) and found that this is an actual part of being an Aspie. That Aspies can be very disconnected from their feelings. Its probably the most frustrating part of being an Aspie is I have this weird sense of knowing all these things that should be happening but they just don't seem to be wired up to the part of the brain that needs to be hooked into it.
This is not the first time I have had this issue. I remember trying to program a computer when I was doing my degree. I felt like I knew how to do it, I could even get it into my head, but when it came to getting the program out of my head it got all tangled and jumbled up. I always felt like the piece that got the computer program out my head and into the computer was missing. Very much like I feel now.
I'm just wondering if other Aspies have experienced the same thing and how they might cope with this stuff.