Feeling unloved by everyone

[Italianbratxoxo]

I’m a 31 year old woman who got diagnosed later in life. I never had friends growing up and even when I did have friends they would bully me. I go through these phases where I would have a ton of friends and end up with no one. I guess you can say have friends now but maybe I say they’re my friends out of loneliness and just scared of being alone for the rest of my life. My cousins won’t even talk to me anymore. I know I did them wrong but I was hurting myself and I have grown from that. I don’t even want to talk about what I did. But my cousin has hurt me too so I got revenge on her. I feel unloved despite having people around me. I’m just not used to people caring for me. I used to live in a state in the US where people are very mean and nasty. If you’re different they’ll crucify you and bully you to no end. Why am I feeling like I don’t deserve the love I have now?

 

[Jumpinbare]

Everyone deserves love. It sucks that some people put conditions on it. Some people make you 'earn' their love. If someone loves you, accept it. They are giving you a gift by loving you. You don't have to earn a gift. You can give back by returning their love.

 

[AprilR]

It is really sad but that's what i feel too. Feels like some people are born to this life to endure this kind of hardship. Living without any kind of support. All i can do is endure it.

 

[Rocco]

Sending you air hugs and compassion.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I’m a 31 year old woman who got diagnosed later in life. I never had friends growing up and even when I did have friends they would bully me. I go through these phases where I would have a ton of friends and end up with no one. I guess you can say have friends now but maybe I say they’re my friends out of loneliness and just scared of being alone for the rest of my life. My cousins won’t even talk to me anymore. I know I did them wrong but I was hurting myself and I have grown from that. I don’t even want to talk about what I did. But my cousin has hurt me too so I got revenge on her. I feel unloved despite having people around me. I’m just not used to people caring for me. I used to live in a state in the US where people are very mean and nasty. If you’re different they’ll crucify you and bully you to no end. Why am I feeling like I don’t deserve the love I have now?

how has your dating life been? something tells me i should not have asked that question

 

[Italianbratxoxo]

View attachment 136575

Sending you air hugs and compassion.

That painting is so beautiful! Thank you for the support.

 

[abby normal]

OP, you might ponder the difference between conditional and unconditional love. the latter is relatively rare.

 

[Xinyta]

I’m a 31 year old woman who got diagnosed later in life. I never had friends growing up and even when I did have friends they would bully me. I go through these phases where I would have a ton of friends and end up with no one. I guess you can say have friends now but maybe I say they’re my friends out of loneliness and just scared of being alone for the rest of my life. My cousins won’t even talk to me anymore. I know I did them wrong but I was hurting myself and I have grown from that. I don’t even want to talk about what I did. But my cousin has hurt me too so I got revenge on her. I feel unloved despite having people around me. I’m just not used to people caring for me. I used to live in a state in the US where people are very mean and nasty. If you’re different they’ll crucify you and bully you to no end. Why am I feeling like I don’t deserve the love I have now?

This feels familiar in some regards.

But to answer the question you posed at the end. Experience and maybe trama. When our informative years are full of turmoil, it tends to color our perspective of people and the world. You feel undeserving because it was taught to you indirectly, by creul individuals.

I have major hang ups, to this day, of wanting to call myself stupid, retard, idiot. Feeling undeserving of success and happiness. But these things stem from childhood. From a controlling parental unit. It gets into the lifeblood of who you are, when you choose to accept that turmoil as the norm. It eats at you, till you become the very thing you seek to destroy.

I personally had/have limited friends. I was, and still am, a very inward person. To a fault. Which is why I damn myself with my mental health, alot of times.

 

[Italianbratxoxo]

This feels familiar in some regards.

But to answer the question you posed at the end. Experience and maybe trama. When our informative years are full of turmoil, it tends to color our perspective of people and the world. You feel undeserving because it was taught to you indirectly, by creul individuals.

I have major hang ups, to this day, of wanting to call myself stupid, retard, idiot. Feeling undeserving of success and happiness. But these things stem from childhood. From a controlling parental unit. It gets into the lifeblood of who you are, when you choose to accept that turmoil as the norm. It eats at you, till you become the very thing you seek to destroy.

I personally had/have limited friends. I was, and still am, a very inward person. To a fault. Which is why I damn myself with my mental health, alot of times.

I’m so sorry. Your last paragraph made me want to cry. I lost friends and ended up alone because of my mistakes and I think that’s also why I feel unloved.

Please take care of yourself, dear. We can get through this together.

I’m happy you understand. It’s nice to meet someone just as gentle and soft as me. And empathetic too.