Feeling like other people know more than you do.

[kenaij]

Title might seem a little strange so I will try to explain it.
Eversince I was 16 (or atleast as far as I can remember, it might have been earlier) I have had this feeling like other people seem to know more than me but they act like they don`t.

More specifically. Like I have an intellectual dissability, everyone knows I do but they act like I`m completely intellectually capable.
Now I know I do not have an intellectual dissability because in the past when I did IQ tests I have never scored below 120. So I`m actually on the higher side of the average.
I have a wife and kids and I do most of the finances and other important stuff. So there is no proof behind this feeling.

But for some reason other people just seem to know certain things that I just don`t seem to know or understand.
And there are very specific subjects I do not have this feeling with. It is more related to general knowledge about life. Or atleast that is the best way for me to discribe it.

It has only been slightly over a year that I started looking into autism and really feeling almost everything about it is relatable. So I guess this might come from that.
I am not officially diagnosed so I don`t know if I actually am autistic but everything seems to point in that direction.

Does anyone relate to this feeling or have something that is very similar?

 

[NB79]

Maybe what is missing is how they deal with people? that 'life experience', they seem resourceful in that area.

 

[Xinyta]

You are most certainly not alone in this feeling.

I'm 34 years old, and there are things in life that are just mistifying to me. Things that NTs consider simple parts of life, that they don't ever have to think about. They just do them.

Communication with others in basic niceties and small talk, are big one. Not that I am not wanting to.

To me, I found it hard to engage in those same things without panicking that I am doing this or that correctly or not. Especially if I pick-up the feeling that people are judging me for being odd. They may not be even judging me. But it feels that way.

Things that are supposedly 'general knowledge' for NTs, will always feel like alien concepts for us. No matter how we may try to wrap our heads around it.

That is okay. We are not ment to live as a NT. We are living as our individual, best, selves.

 

[jsilver256]

A lot of it is nonsense, trust me on this. I use a speech-to-text recorder and when I look back up transcripts at a later date, it's ... well, hogwash. The stuff that does get done, could have been done by more efficient methods. It is rare that interesting and useful information is communicated - but NTs are very, very good at passing off unfounded opinions as factual knowledge and impressing each other with it.

We have a low theory of mind, plus we are not naturally inclined to try and posture ourselves as intelligent or knowledgable in areas, so we assume that when NTs are doing this, they must be naturally smart. But that isn't the case.

The main value of corporate meetings is in smoking out who's struggling with what so resources can be reallocated, and that is done by very indirect, NT-ish means. Because no NT will be upfront about what they're having issues with and what deadlines they are on track to hit and not on track to hit.

The autistic disability (for me, YMMV) is in processing speed and in keeping up with conversations as they happen in real time. I cannot "get" them and I'll never be an active participant. I'm ok with that.

 

[Fino]

Yep, all my life!

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

All the time. With considerable life experience I have become more secure in my general knowledge on many topics. But I no longer try to make it in any social type situations. It's not worth the effort.

 

[NDR2]

I think it’s always been true that people seemed to know how to do things better than I do. They can analyze things and figure out things on their own much more than I can. They’re better at making decisions and solving problems.

 

[kenaij]

Thank all of you for your replies! Also very nice explanations. Will read them again when there is less noise around me so I can truly take in what you guys are saying

 

[jsilver256]

I think it’s always been true that people seemed to know how to do things better than I do. They can analyze things and figure out things on their own much more than I can. They’re better at making decisions and solving problems.

I think there are multiple contexts to be considered. I was speaking mostly in a corporate context (and other contexts where NTs like to show off). If you're talking about day-to-day problem solving, yeah, this is something NTs excel at. I broke down crying booking a trip last week.

 

[marc_101]

Oh yes.

Several possibilities. One is that somebody, somewhere, really knows more than we do about something. Every time it happens we notice it. But we do not notice when we are the ones that know more than others about something.

I think it's evolutionary. It's better than thinking that you know more than others because then you won't want to learn anything new.

 

[Angular Chap]

Yes, I think I know exactly what you mean. It was this exact feeling that lead me down the road of discovering autism.

I started to notice a pattern, maybe around age 22. I kept getting this same feeling over and over again and I've managed to put it into words as simple as I can:

Whenever I go somewhere, everyone else just seems to magically know what to do, but I just can't seem to 100% figure out where to go, what to do, what to say, or who to say it to. If I do get it right, it is more down to luck than anything else.

Or I could just describe it all with one word:

Lost.

I used to think I had agoraphobia, then social anxiety. But I now know all my anxiety and issues come from my autistic traits, and just like you said, not fully understanding more general knowledge about life.

 

[AndyFBlues]

NTs are generally able to understand things that I probably never will. Once I came to understand that there are things that I'm perceiving differently, I've learned to adapt somewhat. I feel a little less confused now. I guess I'm destined to travel a different path.

 

[thejuice]

Its the uneven cognitive profile of autistic people where one person might have an exceptional iq but have deficits in other areas like independent living or social skills.

 

[Judge]

I used to think I had agoraphobia, then social anxiety. But I now know all my anxiety and issues come from my autistic traits, and just like you said, not fully understanding more general knowledge about life.

Took me some time to figure that out about myself as well. For a time it was quite confusing.

Glad to hear others had such a similar experience. For so long I just assumed it all reflected "introversion".

 

[thejuice]

I also think if one leads a solitary life there is less chance to learn general knowledge and.skills from others. You have to be self taught in everything

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Nt,'s are good at faking like to use social lubricant know as white lies and exaggeration pretend they know some about stuff they know nothing about, drives me nuts. I just keep my mouth shut listen say nothing. my younger brother a NT is a master at this wife loves watching me back him in corner. he has eidetic memory walking encyclopedia my eidetic memory is a match for to his. He is also a Mensa member.

 

[Mary Terry]

Everyone, NT or ND, has deficits. I don't know much about auto mechanics because I have no interest in it, but I certainly can drive. I don't know much about how computers work because I have no interest in it, but I certainly can operate computers. Aren't most of us just like that? We know about things that interest us.

Severe autistics, like my nephew, must be taught life skills. When he was 19, I taught my nephew how to tie his shoes, get a glass of ice water, make a sandwich, how to use my laptop, and a lot of other tasks that everyone else takes for granted. No one had ever taught him those things.