Feel like I'm paying for past misdeeds

[ftfipps]

Keep on being yourself.

That's what this place is about.

I find if you let it out it's easier to change it.

Very good point Fridgemagnetman.

 

[Mr Allen]

I lost a very good voluntary job towards the end of last April because I couldn't work with the guy who a few weeks earlier called a deaf "C word" because the battery had gone in my hearing aid so he thought I couldn't hear him but I did... By rights I should've reported him for a "hate crime" but me Dad said not to "rock the boat" at work.

3 weeks later i went in the shop one Saturday to see if the Manager was in, to apologise for not being able to work the day before due to illness, he was there and looked me in the face and said "What tha' doin' 'ere?", I proceeded to tell him in no uncertain terms what he could do with his low opinion of me, and consequently I was told not to come back when my Parents had a meeting with the Manager the following Monday, they stuck up for the old guy over me, last in, first out...

By rights I should've sued them for unfair dismissal, and if it had been a paid job I would've indeed sought legal advice but it was a 4 hours a week voluntary job in a Charity shop.

 

[Full Steam]

if you're in a rut you need to get out.
Here's how;

1. Decide you will make a change. Most people fail at this part, in that that they don't really decide. Decide that "no matter what I will XXXXX" .
2. Choose a future vision for your life. It doesn't matter if it's 2 years, 5 years 20 or 30 years away. It also doesn't matter if you later change your mind. What matters is you have a vision and you start walking towards it. I wasted years because I kept changing my mind before I started walking. Start walking, and change course as you go, if you need to. That said, make your mind up quickly and change it slowly
3. Make yourself better all the time. Abraham Lincoln: "Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe." You are your best resource, and you can make yourself much better than you are. We all can. Read books, podcasts, watch videos.
4. Don't stop walking until you get where you want to be. When you get there, make another vision, and start walking again. You'll be at the end of your journey when you die. The joy should be in the walking not the arriving. It may take quite a bit of walking before you find the walking that suits you.
5. Realise that happiness is not at the end of the road, it's inside you now.

Most people make vague decisions, vague visions, then sprint towards them, fail and give up.

Clear visions, bombproof decisions, walk towards them as it may take a long time. If you fail, good. That's learning and everyone fails, but most then give up.

Stand up and start walking again.

Abe Lincoln again: " I may walk slowly, but I never walk back".

He failed most of his life, and only enjoyed huge success in his 50's. Not only that, but he's now a significant historical figure worldwide.

 

[NT_tavbabe]

I even once applied to a Pet waste removal company (scraping up dog poo from yards). I did not even get a call back. The competition for jobs is really intense!

I didn’t even know there was a job for that

 

[Chance]

Hey, man. You are very dear to me. Now that that's out of the way, you are right about hate consuming you. I've got to rise up. By now I should expect to fail and struggle sometimes.

We all struggle, and it's in the struggle where we grow. It's most likely not gonna be some huge overnite change... It's just small steps in the right direction mixed with lots of chaos usually.

I believe that IF you want to change and you can see a different version of you in your head... Its done at some point in the near future. We are changing all the time, and everything around us is changing... and at times it dont look so good, but all that negative stuff is there for us to dwell on (which I sometimes do) or move past.

Even if we fail at trying to change, its still something we learn from, so sometimes a "failure" is nothing more than a life lesson.

Many times in the stories of history some of the greatest people we read about struggled more than anyone around in that era. So, I'm sort of the guy who bets on the underdog most every time, because I love to see what seems impossible become a simple reality by the very people others thought couldn't do it.

The first thing you need to believe is, that its probably going to be a challenge, but you can do this.
I hope you believe in yourself, this is maybe where I struggle the most sometimes. The inner voices of my past try and dictate my present and my future... Until I have some small win that proves those voices are a lie and no longer valid in my life. The more I prove those voices wrong. The less impact they have on me.

If you want to change bad enough, you will struggle (so will I and others)... but you will make it. : )

 

[Full Steam]

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

We all struggle, and it's in the struggle where we grow. It's most likely not gonna be some huge overnite change... It's just small steps in the right direction mixed with lots of chaos usually.

I believe that IF you want to change and you can see a different version of you in your head... Its done at some point in the near future. We are changing all the time, and everything around us is changing... and at times it dont look so good, but all that negative stuff is there for us to dwell on (which I sometimes do) or move past.

Even if we fail at trying to change, its still something we learn from, so sometimes a "failure" is nothing more than a life lesson.

Many times in the stories of history some of the greatest people we read about struggled more than anyone around in that era. So, I'm sort of the guy who bets on the underdog most every time, because I love to see what seems impossible become a simple reality by the very people others thought couldn't do it.

The first thing you need to believe is, that its probably going to be a challenge, but you can do this.
I hope you believe in yourself, this is maybe where I struggle the most sometimes. The inner voices of my past try and dictate my present and my future... Until I have some small win that proves those voices are a lie and no longer valid in my life. The more I prove those voices wrong. The less impact they have on me.

If you want to change bad enough, you will struggle (so will I and others)... but you will make it. : )

Guru approved

 

[Bella Pines]

Sometimes I get on here and I gotta be honest, I think I get too real for some people. I even feel like I have been boycotted by some users on this site...they don't comment on my posts anymore when I started expressing my true feelings and not holding back.

We overthink. It's a common trait, on the plus side it helps me process information and draw pretty accurate conclusions. On the negative side we create narratives that aren't always there. On the plus side, this overthinking is what is driving me to retrain and be an author so that I can put my imagination to use.

I say this because a lot of the hate you receive is in your head. Everyone here is on the spectrum in some way, aspie, ocd, we aren't consistent. I go through phases all the time, I try to help, I try to comment on posts, but then life crashes into me and I have to stop for a while. No one is boycotting you, no one is ignoring you, there are no cliques. All of the hate you think is being directed at you is part of the overactive aspie imagination. I know it feels real, I have had conversations in my head on behalf of other people where they put me down and insult me. But IT'S ALL ME. These conversations rarely happen in real life because people are far too concerned with their own lives to think about you.

Posting true feelings and not holding back is the gift this site brings, because there will be at least one person who understands and many people who have been there and help bring us back from our life challenges. Everything that has been posted above is true. "Existing" is indeed for the living dead... we all indeed have greatness buried in you somewhere, and you ARE using your friend unfairly and letting bitterness eat you alive. The world is filled with millions of people working crappy jobs in order to fulfill their goals and or dreams, I am one of them.

So I would gently suggest with best wishes that you end the pity party, stop obsessing about what irrelevant people think about you and start living. Get a job, any job, just to distract you long enough so that you can take a vacation from your own head.

 

[Ylva]

They have been giving me guff passively in the form of spreading lies about me like telling people I'm retarded and stuff like that!! (And before I get the usual, I don't know of anyone ever doing that, well THEY DO.)

I have neighbors like that! They live two houses down. Horrible people with horrible children. I don't know what to do about them, so I have no solutions for you. Due to freedom of belief, which is a right granted to everyone in this country, I have taken to convincing myself they have been eaten by lobsters whenever I don't see them.

 

[Mary Anne]

I understand that you must have some degree of openness and compassion towards others when interacting with them. The degree of openness Is still in the trouble-shooting stage for me.

It helps because as we give, we get back. Stop taking drugs from that woman. Get some sort of job (any job) that will inspire confidence, and get you away from negative thinking. It’s amazing, I was unemployed 3 weeks, and started succumbing to all sorts of anxiety, and worried negative thinking. I am exhausted when I come home from work, and much more relaxed and happy. Plus, a job takes time away from worrying about creepy neighbors, the bills, politics, or whatever else is on one’s mind.

 

[nowwhat]

To all you folks at home, I may seem like I am being harsh on the chaps that live next door to me. That first paragraph was a full blown rant, but Imagine if One group of people...ruined...your reputation throughout your entire neighborhood....Could you imagine that happening? That happened to me. My neighborhood now thinks I'm a feeble minded person. I don't like to be seen...in my own neighborhood...it's bad! It's like a bad dream.

And your plan for achieving you goals, including reclaiming your reputation is to.....manipulate someone you dont even like for drugs, and refuse available work when you have none? Trust me: Your neighbors are not your biggest problem.

 

[ftfipps]

if you're in a rut you need to get out.
Here's how;

1. Decide you will make a change. Most people fail at this part, in that that they don't really decide. Decide that "no matter what I will XXXXX" .
2. Choose a future vision for your life. It doesn't matter if it's 2 years, 5 years 20 or 30 years away. It also doesn't matter if you later change your mind. What matters is you have a vision and you start walking towards it. I wasted years because I kept changing my mind before I started walking. Start walking, and change course as you go, if you need to. That said, make your mind up quickly and change it slowly
3. Make yourself better all the time. Abraham Lincoln: "Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe." You are your best resource, and you can make yourself much better than you are. We all can. Read books, podcasts, watch videos.
4. Don't stop walking until you get where you want to be. When you get there, make another vision, and start walking again. You'll be at the end of your journey when you die. The joy should be in the walking not the arriving. It may take quite a bit of walking before you find the walking that suits you.
5. Realise that happiness is not at the end of the road, it's inside you now.

Most people make vague decisions, vague visions, then sprint towards them, fail and give up.

Clear visions, bombproof decisions, walk towards them as it may take a long time. If you fail, good. That's learning and everyone fails, but most then give up.

Stand up and start walking again.

Abe Lincoln again: " I may walk slowly, but I never walk back".

He failed most of his life, and only enjoyed huge success in his 50's. Not only that, but he's now a significant historical figure worldwide.

This is the first time I've ever been told an honest Abe quote on a forum. That was beautiful, really. The key is, if you fail, to not give up. Thanks.

 

[ftfipps]

We overthink. It's a common trait, on the plus side it helps me process information and draw pretty accurate conclusions. On the negative side we create narratives that aren't always there. On the plus side, this overthinking is what is driving me to retrain and be an author so that I can put my imagination to use.

I say this because a lot of the hate you receive is in your head. Everyone here is on the spectrum in some way, aspie, ocd, we aren't consistent. I go through phases all the time, I try to help, I try to comment on posts, but then life crashes into me and I have to stop for a while. No one is boycotting you, no one is ignoring you, there are no cliques. All of the hate you think is being directed at you is part of the overactive aspie imagination. I know it feels real, I have had conversations in my head on behalf of other people where they put me down and insult me. But IT'S ALL ME. These conversations rarely happen in real life because people are far too concerned with their own lives to think about you.

Posting true feelings and not holding back is the gift this site brings, because there will be at least one person who understands and many people who have been there and help bring us back from our life challenges. Everything that has been posted above is true. "Existing" is indeed for the living dead... we all indeed have greatness buried in you somewhere, and you ARE using your friend unfairly and letting bitterness eat you alive. The world is filled with millions of people working crappy jobs in order to fulfill their goals and or dreams, I am one of them.

So I would gently suggest with best wishes that you end the pity party, stop obsessing about what irrelevant people think about you and start living. Get a job, any job, just to distract you long enough so that you can take a vacation from your own head.

I have read several of your posts. You are brilliant. Fortunately, I'm going to do a 180 and change who I associate with. That Is definitely my main problem I'm finding out. I am an author, too. You make some very good arguments. I liked the one about the aspie imagination.

 

[Mary Anne]

I lost a very good voluntary job towards the end of last April because I couldn't work with the guy who a few weeks earlier called a deaf "C word" because the battery had gone in my hearing aid so he thought I couldn't hear him but I did... By rights I should've reported him for a "hate crime" but me Dad said not to "rock the boat" at work.

3 weeks later i went in the shop one Saturday to see if the Manager was in, to apologise for not being able to work the day before due to illness, he was there and looked me in the face and said "What tha' doin' 'ere?", I proceeded to tell him in no uncertain terms what he could do with his low opinion of me, and consequently I was told not to come back when my Parents had a meeting with the Manager the following Monday, they stuck up for the old guy over me, last in, first out...

By rights I should've sued them for unfair dismissal, and if it had been a paid job I would've indeed sought legal advice but it was a 4 hours a week voluntary job in a Charity shop.

Maybe not be so quick to voice your negativity next time? To work with others is to stay silent about “what they can do with themselves.” It’s interesting, because I would have definitely spoken up about the “C” word, but would not ever told the boss anything like that. However, if it were a volunteer job, without pay? Oh yeah, maybe I would have. It depends...do you need the job on the CV /resume? It’s too late now, but maybe next time, you can mange your outrage a little differently. ;-)

 

[Judge]

I'm finding out. I am an author, too. You make some very good arguments. I liked the one about the aspie imagination.

It's a great thing when one can take their traits or behaviors and tangibly profit from them as opposed to having them "sandbag" them in everyday life. Very cool.

 

[Mr Allen]

Maybe not be so quick to voice your negativity next time? To work with others is to stay silent about “what they can do with themselves.” It’s interesting, because I would have definitely spoken up about the “C” word, but would not ever told the boss anything like that. However, if it were a volunteer job, without pay? Oh yeah, maybe I would have. It depends...do you need the job on the CV /resume? It’s too late now, but maybe next time, you can mange your outrage a little differently. ;-)

HE started it, if he hadn't called me a name in the first place there would've been no problem, so by rights I should've reported him and got him fired, but of course I would still have lost my own job cos knowing Gemma and Aaron, they would've stuck up for HIM over me and denied every word of what I said.

 

[ftfipps]

We all struggle, and it's in the struggle where we grow. It's most likely not gonna be some huge overnite change... It's just small steps in the right direction mixed with lots of chaos usually.

I believe that IF you want to change and you can see a different version of you in your head... Its done at some point in the near future. We are changing all the time, and everything around us is changing... and at times it dont look so good, but all that negative stuff is there for us to dwell on (which I sometimes do) or move past.

Even if we fail at trying to change, its still something we learn from, so sometimes a "failure" is nothing more than a life lesson.

Many times in the stories of history some of the greatest people we read about struggled more than anyone around in that era. So, I'm sort of the guy who bets on the underdog most every time, because I love to see what seems impossible become a simple reality by the very people others thought couldn't do it.

The first thing you need to believe is, that its probably going to be a challenge, but you can do this.
I hope you believe in yourself, this is maybe where I struggle the most sometimes. The inner voices of my past try and dictate my present and my future... Until I have some small win that proves those voices are a lie and no longer valid in my life. The more I prove those voices wrong. The less impact they have on me.

If you want to change bad enough, you will struggle (so will I and others)... but you will make it. : )

The problem or struggle Is going to be getting through school and going on to greener pastures. School isn't a problem for me, I've always been able to do school. Its the working with other people to pay for the schooling that is gonna be my problem. Maybe I will work from home? I tried that and I honestly think they have sexist hiring policies....Google at least. All the males I have read about say they couldn't pass the onboard hiring tests.....I know several females that do those work from home gigs.

 

[Mattymatt]

The problem or struggle Is going to be getting through school and going on to greener pastures. School isn't a problem for me, I've always been able to do school. Its the working with other people to pay for the schooling that is gonna be my problem. Maybe I will work from home? I tried that and I honestly think they have sexist hiring policies....Google at least. All the males I have read about say they couldn't pass the onboard hiring tests.....I know several females that do those work from home gigs.

I know that Sykes and Conduent hire folks as work from home call center representatives. You might consider doing that. I tried doing a work from home call center job and it wasn't so great.

 

[SusanLR]

Yes, I have neighbors like that.
As soon as the man who owns the house I house share with bought the place, he told me they started laying out
orders such as where the property line was, never drive off the driveway onto their grass, silly things, really.
Come to find out the grass was on our property along with their irrigation heads and when they were informed of this they never spoke again.
Seems they didn't like the prior owners, an old man and his son, both of whom I had known for many years.
Guilt by association?

I don't let it bother me. If they don't want to speak,
so be it. There are many other people in the world
and if they don't want to associate. And, well, thankfully these are big houses on half acre lots.

As far as the sharing of the pills you speak of...
It's no shame to need medication if that's what is needed to be functional.
Why not speak with a psychiatrist or doctor about your feelings and see what they would prescribe legally?

I know the job market is crazy, but, I do wish you the best and the courage to make a start.

 

[Juliettaa]

You've had some good advice on here and I hope that by taking small but steady steps to change, you're able to view the world in better light.

Sure, there are @ssholes everywhere. Fact. But you don't have to let them 'in'. Those neighbours you hate - they're not a part of your life. You don't have to spend time looking at what they're doing and you haven't got to spend the rest of your life living there either.

If you broaden your horizons, get a job, explore new hobbies/interests, work on better self care instead of taking someone else's prescription meds and wasting your energy on hating the trashy neighbours, your life will improve.

Change is hard. But you've taken the first step by posting and accepting advice. The next step is to act on the advice.

You can do it