Eye contact

[Liza Jane]

I've noticed from several sources, like Dude, I'm an Aspie, Look Me in the Eye, and a friend, that Aspies have a hard time making eye contact and simultaneously paying attention to a conversation. That's one trait I don't have, but I do tend to stare.

What sort of conflict do you experience with eye contact, if any? Insights? Thoughts? Anecdotes?

 

[Gomendosi]

As a child I used to hold conversations like I was always being admonished and I also feared people could only assume I was some sort of a liar due to constant lack of eye contact.

I have had many years since then of deliberate practice and have experienced ups and down with many techniques, I started off looking at an ear during convo's but that turns out to resemble the avoidance of a liar as well, then I tried the mouth but looking at that you tend to zero in and stare and can't see the rest of the face.

Weirdly I tend to over-look at people now, which is not the same as staring and perhaps more unsettling, because during any meaningful convo IE; job interview, loved one Etc, I hold their gaze too long and it may come across as trying to exert my will.
Eye contact does help to see whether the rest of the face matches the stream of words which people think is the primary means to convey their idea, eyes, while only fluid filled sacks are surrounded by some very expressive muscles.

Well, no matter whether I look or don't look I think I will probably never get the proper measure of duration and point of contact as there is so much else during the talk to distract me, too much information is conveyed.

 

[Megan]

It's difficult for me to hold eye contact, especially in therapy or any other time I'm expressing myself. I usually try to make eye contact during regular conversations because I don't want to seem uninterested or rude. If I ever have a job interview, I will definitely try to make a lot of eye contact or else the employer might think there's something wrong with me. Since there are no potential consequences in therapy sessions for averting my eyes, I don't bother to look up at all. Eye contact doesn't come naturally to me unless I'm extremely comfortable with the person and I enjoy looking at them.

 

[Dragon's Tooth]

I can maintain eye contact but I find I zone out. I am looking at the person but not looking. Or I look away. I find it easier to concentrate on what I'm saying if I look away.

 

[King_Oni]

I never really paid a lot attention to the eye contact thing as such. Though people have told me that I look right through them... literally. It just seems like no one is there with my stare.

I somewhat fixed that by wearing shades all the time, lol. It has to do with some light sensitivity as well, so I rarely leave the house without em. But having them on doesn't make me worry a lot about having to make eye contact. The exception might be at night. But I don't go a lot of places at night where I might run into people.

 

[Liza Jane]

Hahaha, I do the same thing sometimes, with the shades.

 

[tree]

 

[James Dunn]

Can I say that I have always lacked the ability to maintain eye contact and it is both aspie and blindness. I overcome it as much as I can using my ears to get the best balance between the voice in my ears and hope that gets my eye contact as close as I can. I use to get into all sorts of trouble in not having eye contact up and growing up.

 

[Datura]

I recall my first day at the school cafeteria. I was eating my lunch when the kid across from me asked, "Hey kid! Do you have a staring problem or something?"
I told him, "No."
"Then stop looking at me!"
I then explained, "I'm not looking at you, I'm looking through you."
Apparently this wasn't an appropriate answer, but it was true. I wasn't really focusing on him. I was just sitting down, and looking forward, and he happened to be in the center of my field of view. I then learned to avert my gaze toward the table. People didn't take offense to that.

 

[Progster]

I can look at a person's face or in their general direction, but I find it awkward to look directly in their eyes. If someone looks me directly in the eye, I look away. I feel threatened, anxious, self-conscious, and that affects my speech. I find it hard to listen and to keep talking while maintaining eye contact. When I'm talking, I'm defocused and may look at them, but not directly in their eyes. I do keep glancing at people, or nodding, to let the other person know that I'm listening in order to be polite. I don't find it necessary to look them in the eye to show that I'm listening, a nod will suffice. I've been watching NTs and I've noticed that they rarely maintain eye contact either, they keep glancing at the person they are speaking to and then looking away. Constant eye contact is threatening to them. But I don't think that eye contact is in any way uncomfortable, or unnatural for them, as it is for me.

 

[Laughingowl1975]

I'm quite good with eye contact if I am comfortable with that person although I do tend to look at their eyes then down at their mouth (it makes it easier to understand what they are saying), if however I become bored, feel uncomfortable or just want to ignore them then I look to the side or even away.