Extremely Homesick Student

[KwiSpen]

I go to a university four hours away by car from where my family lives. My mom came up for a weekend when I was feeling very low, based on my group project woes. We had an amazing time together, doubly nice by my missing the nightclub-on-campus chaos. She arrived home some 5 hours ago and I can't put myself together. I'm crying on-and-off, and I don't feel like I should be. I cry, and dislike that I'm crying at the same time, making me cry more. The Resident Assistant that I live with is no help, the police station could care less, and my therapist won't answer her phone. My parents remind me that I'll see them again in two-and-a-half weeks for Thanksgiving (US) and could come home whenever I want, which somehow makes me sadder. I'm looking for an Aspie who has had this feeling before, and can tell me how to combat it, besides waiting it out. I'm on the verge of a bigger breakdown, and feel like I need support in the biggest way possible. Please help.

 

[Cali Cat]

I had a similar experience once during an internship. I don't know what to tell you about how to get through it, but I know that running away from it doesn't help. I ditched the whole business, and then ended up regretting it.

 

[Warmheart]

I remember going through this in college. I am so sorry that you are going through this. Here is what helped me:
Mark on your calendar the day you will be home for Thanksgiving.
Develop rituals that smooth things for you, such as calling Mom each night at 7pm for example.
Buy snacks that are familiar from home, say, the same graham crackers Dad eats, and bring them with you to class or elsewhere on campus besides just your room, for a taste of home.
Keep routines so that you feel stability.
Take longer hot showers to allow your tense muscles to relax and open up.
Remember to use music when you can to get a quick dose of calm or happy.
Find something on the campus grounds that aligns with your special interest -- check out the horse stables, or the weather station in the biology building, or whatever gets you all intrigued.
Any time you feel homesick, remember the approaching date written on your calendar, the upcoming nightly phone call with Mom, the snacks that remind you of home.

For now, just breathe. You are doing a great job in a challenging situation.

 

[KwiSpen]

I remember going through this in college. I am so sorry that you are going through this. Here is what helped me:
Mark on your calendar the day you will be home for Thanksgiving.
Develop rituals that smooth things for you, such as calling Mom each night at 7pm for example.
Buy snacks that are familiar from home, say, the same graham crackers Dad eats, and bring them with you to class or elsewhere on campus besides just your room, for a taste of home.
Keep routines so that you feel stability.
Take longer hot showers to allow your tense muscles to relax and open up.
Remember to use music when you can to get a quick dose of calm or happy.
Find something on the campus grounds that aligns with your special interest -- check out the horse stables, or the weather station in the biology building, or whatever gets you all intrigued.
Any time you feel homesick, remember the approaching date written on your calendar, the upcoming nightly phone call with Mom, the snacks that remind you of home.

For now, just breathe. You are doing a great job in a challenging situation.

Oh Warmheart, you truly do have a warm heart. Such great ideas for a situation such as this, though if I were to carry around Dad's favorite snack, I'd probably be suspended for alcohol possession, lol. Thank you.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I talk with my mom on her drive home from work. I've lived from one end of Alabama to the other, and even though I'm married I know what you mean. I've lived everywhere from 30 minutest to six hours from familiar faces and territory. Chatting with Mom five days a week helped me cope on all the strange environments I ended up in so I could focus on the fun, new things there. One I'm itching to go back to someday, it was beautiful! I may just outright move to Tennessee and be done with it.

 

[Annie White]

I feel really bad for you. I do understand how you feel. I just wanted to say im sorry. I dont know how to help, but just know there is someone out here in the world hoping things can get better for you. I love my family too, so I can understand why its hard. Hang in there.

 

[grapesicles]

Sending hugs, if that's okay! Agree with the above advice, but it's also worth thinking about if you'd be happier studying closer to home. I definitely wouldn't have been able to cope at all with studying much further than an hour away. If you really feel like you've had enough, at least go and visit home for a few days, then see if you're up to going back or not. I know a few people at my university ended up dropping out and studying somewhere more practical, or doing something different altogether, because they weren't enjoying the new environment and were missing home too much.

I really hope you feel happier soon

 

[Warmheart]

How are you feeling today, KwiSpen?

One of my favorite grounding, centering quotes is "Your true home is in the here and now." -- Thich Nhat Hanh
That really helps me feel more settled when I must travel or move to a new place. Homesickness for some of us, can cause physical reactions, make the body tense, the tummy upset, the shoulders feel tight. The quote about the here-and-now being our true home helps me realize that all of the conditions for happiness are inside me. Even when I ache for familiarity, due to my ASD, I can find something warm, safe, stable, and comforting right now.. even in a new place. Our ASD doesn't go away, but we can seek out ways to manage uncomfy feelings, and this awareness of conditions for happiness always being inside me, has helped me.

Another help has been motion, getting out and exploring stuff that interests me. This is hard to do when we want to self-isolate due to homesickness. But the fresh air, movement, and knowing that we are going to treat our intellect to something intriguing, trains us to look forward to aspects of the new environment. Is there a rock wall to climb in the gym there? A greenhouse full of interesting plants to explore? Make something fun on campus your own to look forward to, get you moving out of inertia, and to really enjoy.

Thanksgiving sure is coming up quickly. Pumpkin pie is on the horizon! Hang in there. We're all there with you in spirit!

 

[Axeman52]

I had this exact problem when I went to university first, but it got better eventually. It sounds like it was much easier for me though, because I wasn't that far from home, as it took less than 2 hours on a train. Also, I was studying my special interest, so I had a lot to keep me occupied and distracted from the discomfort.

I think the thing that helped me the most was exploring the city I was studying in - I had the whole day off on Tuesdays in my first year, so I would use that day to plan a route on google maps and take myself on a walk to visit the city's main attractions. That helped me to get more familiar with my environment which made me feel a lot more comfortable with it.

I also got myself into a very inflexible routine pretty quickly, not even intentionally, but I guess it was an instinctive coping mechanism. I'm not sure I would recommend this though - It did help me to cope initially, but in hindsight I think I got too attached to it and it started to hold me back a little bit. I wish I'd slowly "weaned" myself off my routine or something once I'd started coping with the new environment a bit better.

 

[KwiSpen]

I would talk to her more often AsheSkyler; I actually just talked to her now, under different circumstances however. I'm a sophomore and not new to the university, and I'm a bit stumped. I feel much better now than I was last night, thank you Warmheart. Grapesicles- I might be happier doing that if distance to home was the only variable. I'm at an accounting institution, a good one (my last intention is to brag, sorry if it comes out like that). Hugs back. Axeman52, if I had a day off, it would be spent studying, knowing me. But what worked for you, I'm certainly willing to try in the short term. I built in unstructured time for next semester; I'm only going to take four classes next semester instead of five.

Warmheart, I felt like I had a knot in my stomach when I was homesick, so there's that. But I soldiered on, and relaxed. Unfortunately, I should be doing the work that I put off instead of posting. Also, my campus isn't too interesting, and the classes I have tomorrow aren't too good. But there is football on now, and I'll immerse myself in that as well as my work.

Thank you all for your responses, and if I had a million up-votes to give, I'd give them to you all. You all are helpful resources to not just me, but this entire site. Thank you for all the joy that you've brought me, and I hope to post under happier circumstances in the near future.

 

[handbanana]

I commute to school, everyday, hour and a half one way...I get this too.
I usually call my fiance (who I live with and is hence home for me) to get thought the tougher times. I also have pictures of home on my phone with inspirational quotes to keep me going (my cats telling me to get stuff done). The quotes are more to encourage me to get my studies done, and to keep my mind off of the homesickness. Plus another thing that helped was finding an off the wall spot to hang out in to study. The places I was going to were terrible and made things worst. I'm happy that I found an unused library (yes, its an art library) but its quiet and allows me to study in peace while I'm away.