Spiller
Just.. WEIRD!
So I'm at my mother's house with my youngest son - my sister lives with her too.
My youngest has a strong mind for a 10 year old - he's an adult in a childs body - and if I want him to do something he may well do it (I ask nicely, I don't order him around, as that doesn't work with him) but I often find I have to give him an acceptable reason first.. or bribe him with pringles or pizza.
We basically have an understanding and therefore a good, non argumentative relationship.
Youngest is sitting there fiddling with my car keys when sis tells him to stop - the noise seems to be annoying her.
He carries on as he sees no reason to stop.
Sis gets quite annoyed and tells him in no-nonsense tones to STOP IT!
Youngest carries on.
I'm quietly aware of the back and forth exchange..
Sis eventually looks at me in exasperation, so I point out that she's not only raising her voice to him for little reason thus, from previous observation, ensuring he engages Stubborn Mode, she also hasn't asked nicely and told him why he should stop or offered him an alternative occupation - as she might expect to be treated.
I ask him to stop playing with the keys as it's annoying people and give him my phone to play games on, so he's now sitting there quietly.
It doesn't end there though - a heated discussion ensues as to youngests disobedience.
I point out that, as can be plainly seen, he's doing as I asked and the response is that, "Well of course he always does as you ask as you don't enforce 'boundaries'!"
Any cohesive logic that that sentence contains escapes me. I point out that I simply ask him to do only what I would - hypocrisy just doesn't fly with him at all.
Now, why can't people see that the way they parent youngest always initiates the stubborn reaction and the situation always escalates into lots of shouting, bad moods, tears and storming out. This includes sis, my mother and (especially) his mother, stepfather and older brother.
When I point out that, if they want a different reaction, they should try acting differently and I try to describe the best way I've found to do that, I get the blame for being a bad parent.. yet I'm the only one who never has a problem or cross word with him.
This is just one small example amongst many.. I don't understand why the family can't see the logic here:
If this doesn't work, even after several attempts, try that.. if that doesn't work, try something else, as per the quote:
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." A. Einstein.
I'd substitute 'Insanity' for 'Bad parenting'.
Am I wrong for getting to know my son and parenting him accordingly or is there really a set of rules I should abide by regardless?
Or some mix of the two?
Thoughts, experiences, please..
My youngest has a strong mind for a 10 year old - he's an adult in a childs body - and if I want him to do something he may well do it (I ask nicely, I don't order him around, as that doesn't work with him) but I often find I have to give him an acceptable reason first.. or bribe him with pringles or pizza.
We basically have an understanding and therefore a good, non argumentative relationship.
Youngest is sitting there fiddling with my car keys when sis tells him to stop - the noise seems to be annoying her.
He carries on as he sees no reason to stop.
Sis gets quite annoyed and tells him in no-nonsense tones to STOP IT!
Youngest carries on.
I'm quietly aware of the back and forth exchange..
Sis eventually looks at me in exasperation, so I point out that she's not only raising her voice to him for little reason thus, from previous observation, ensuring he engages Stubborn Mode, she also hasn't asked nicely and told him why he should stop or offered him an alternative occupation - as she might expect to be treated.
I ask him to stop playing with the keys as it's annoying people and give him my phone to play games on, so he's now sitting there quietly.
It doesn't end there though - a heated discussion ensues as to youngests disobedience.
I point out that, as can be plainly seen, he's doing as I asked and the response is that, "Well of course he always does as you ask as you don't enforce 'boundaries'!"
Any cohesive logic that that sentence contains escapes me. I point out that I simply ask him to do only what I would - hypocrisy just doesn't fly with him at all.
Now, why can't people see that the way they parent youngest always initiates the stubborn reaction and the situation always escalates into lots of shouting, bad moods, tears and storming out. This includes sis, my mother and (especially) his mother, stepfather and older brother.
When I point out that, if they want a different reaction, they should try acting differently and I try to describe the best way I've found to do that, I get the blame for being a bad parent.. yet I'm the only one who never has a problem or cross word with him.
This is just one small example amongst many.. I don't understand why the family can't see the logic here:
If this doesn't work, even after several attempts, try that.. if that doesn't work, try something else, as per the quote:
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." A. Einstein.
I'd substitute 'Insanity' for 'Bad parenting'.
Am I wrong for getting to know my son and parenting him accordingly or is there really a set of rules I should abide by regardless?
Or some mix of the two?
Thoughts, experiences, please..