Don't Be Shy To Introduce Yourself

[gigi1919]

Welcome.

I am also grateful I was not diagnosed as a child. Instead I learned to fight and adapt. In retrospect I can see most of my smarts went toward that goal.

Learning to live as who I am has been quite a learning experience.

cool! how long ago did you get diagnosed @WhitewaterWoman ? do you have friends or family? I'm completely alone, I have one more supportive relative, but not friends. Even my parents and brother hate my guts because I'm such a disappointment to them. But I no longer care. I guess it's easier to be disillusioned so I stopped trying. But maybe will meet some people here I can talk to on occasion

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Welcome @gigi1919 . This site has helped me understand myself. I was not diagnosed until late in life. Growing up I had normal social desires without the ability to reach them. The only saving grace was that no concession was made to me and my parents trained me to be self-sufficient and independent. That meant that I needed to live in the world and whether it just led to masking or real growth, I am thankful that I"ve had a good life.

 

[gigi1919]

Welcome @gigi1919 . This site has helped me understand myself. I was not diagnosed until late in life. Growing up I had normal social desires without the ability to reach them. The only saving grace was that no concession was made to me and my parents trained me to be self-sufficient and independent. That meant that I needed to live in the world and whether it just led to masking or real growth, I am thankful that I"ve had a good life.

@Gerald Wilgus what do you mean by saying that you had the normal social desires etc? Curious to hear. I know I had. in my case, "failing" at them made me keep understanding better what was true to me, not what would have me fit in better in the social game. So much so that I'm doing what I was made to do. Not getting paid for it (yet) but hopefully it will help many people like it helps me.

 

[Xinyta]

Glad to have you with us, @gigi1919

I get not knowing who to go to and feeling isolated. There will be people who'll not get it or could care less to. But there are people who do get it or at least are willing to understand.

It's great you discovered you are autistic. Official diagnosis is not nessissary, despite both psychological and medical fields saying otherwise. Hopefully this journey will start to have more highs, than lows, as time goes on.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

cool! how long ago did you get diagnosed @WhitewaterWoman ? do you have friends or family? I'm completely alone, I have one more supportive relative, but not friends. Even my parents and brother hate my guts because I'm such a disappointment to them. But I no longer care. I guess it's easier to be disillusioned so I stopped trying. But maybe will meet some people here I can talk to on occasion

I figured out I was autistic when I was 64 years old. I am 71 now. I am mostly alone, except for a brother and SIL who live in California. He is very supportive of me, although he has no idea I am autistic. I did tell my SIL.

I also have a former foster daughter who has been staying in touch with me and I really am grateful for that.

But I have no contact with my son. My parents are deceased. My two sisters have passed away. I have a grandson in Sweden, but I don't see him much, obviously.

I would rather be alone than be with people who are not good for me.

I have great support here. This forum has been tremendous help to me.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

@Gerald Wilgus what do you mean by saying that you had the normal social desires etc? Curious to hear. I know I had. in my case, "failing" at them made me keep understanding better what was true to me, not what would have me fit in better in the social game. So much so that I'm doing what I was made to do. Not getting paid for it (yet) but hopefully it will help many people like it helps me.

I had a sense that I wanted to belong and have an intimate relationship.
- the first I was successful at when I found "my people" in outings and paleontology interest groups. I started because I wanted to practice being social and in those groups I recognize now that participation counted for more than neurology.
- then, feeling existentially lonely at 25, I made an effort to take stock and saw myself in a positive light. So, by 26 I started dating and it was through an outings group that I met my future spouse and we saw in each other a valuable life partner.

 

[gigi1919]

Glad to have you with us, @gigi1919

I get not knowing who to go to and feeling isolated. There will be people who'll not get it or could care less to. But there are people who do get it or at least are willing to understand.

It's great you discovered you are autistic. Official diagnosis is not nessissary, despite both psychological and medical fields saying otherwise. Hopefully this journey will start to have more highs, than lows, as time goes on.

thanks @Xinyta yeah, I have no trust in authorities anyways, including medical ones. too much gaslighting in the past. like you even have to prove how you feel... exhausting.

so far I only told about my autism to my closest family member—and she—a doctor even gaslighted me saying that she would know. but that didn't surprise me. have you any friends? even if I accept myself it's tough and horribly isolating. I live in a boring old school town in Poland where generally people just go to work sleep and drink at home. I'm curious how others are going about finding some friendly connections.

when did you find out? I read your one post about acceptance. I wonder if we ever truly find peace. I feel like even with my giving myself authenticity, I left the society completely knowing that they will reject me even harder if I'm not ever trying to play the social game. but I can no longer lie. it feels like a death by thousand cuts. sorry if too much sharing

 

[gigi1919]

I had a sense that I wanted to belong and have an intimate relationship.
- the first I was successful at when I found "my people" in outings and paleontology interest groups. I started because I wanted to practice being social and in those groups I recognize now that participation counted for more than neurology.
- then, feeling existentially lonely at 25, I made an effort to take stock and saw myself in a positive light. So, by 26 I started dating and it was through an outings group that I met my future spouse and we saw in each other a valuable life partner.

sounds like did go out to get it.
I had a partner for 19 years. I also had a friend who I thought was forever. but as soon as I stopped fawning they showed their true faces. I hope you get to be you with your friends and partner. but you're right-finding friends where you also are interested in common topics is a good path

 

[gigi1919]

I figured out I was autistic when I was 64 years old. I am 71 now. I am mostly alone, except for a brother and SIL who live in California. He is very supportive of me, although he has no idea I am autistic. I did tell my SIL.

I also have a former foster daughter who has been staying in touch with me and I really am grateful for that.

But I have no contact with my son. My parents are deceased. My two sisters have passed away. I have a grandson in Sweden, but I don't see him much, obviously.

I would rather be alone than be with people who are not good for me.

I have great support here. This forum has been tremendous help to me.

thanks for replying.
yes I chose this path too "I would rather be alone than be with people who are not good for me." but sometimes I feel like I'm living in a surreality where everyone is out there and I'm here, locked away.
I kept trying to have friends, but no matter what I did they always turned on me. I'm glad to know I'm autistic because that's something that finally explained me a lot. until two months ago I was baffled why despite my openness and kindness people treat me like garbage—really almost with hatred. Even months ago I joined online intention group (like a spiritual project) and when I politely pointed out some passive aggressive remark that made me uncomfortable everyone pounced on me. Herd mentality all over. I read in some place that NTs sense in the first seconds that they feel "off " about us and they immediately start projecting bias. hahah so I guess I can only be friends with autists

 

[Xinyta]

thanks @Xinyta yeah, I have no trust in authorities anyways, including medical ones. too much gaslighting in the past. like you even have to prove how you feel... exhausting.

so far I only told about my autism to my closest family member—and she—a doctor even gaslighted me saying that she would know. but that didn't surprise me. have you any friends? even if I accept myself it's tough and horribly isolating. I live in a boring old school town in Poland where generally people just go to work sleep and drink at home. I'm curious how others are going about finding some friendly connections.

when did you find out? I read your one post about acceptance. I wonder if we ever truly find peace. I feel like even with my giving myself authenticity, I left the society completely knowing that they will reject me even harder if I'm not ever trying to play the social game. but I can no longer lie. it feels like a death by thousand cuts. sorry if too much sharing

Alot of medical 'professionals' are aggravating to deal with. As it does seem like it's more about the money they can suck from you, than helping you. No.to say there aren't those who ARE actually there to help. It just seems like there are increasingly fewer of those kinda people.

I discovered that I was potentially on the spectrum a few years ago. But I really never fully accepted it til recently. But right now I'm facing a tougher problem, which is mental health related. My schizophrenia.

I really never had many friends. Any I did claim to be 'friends', were mostly people I shared interests with. Namely videogames.

It's tough. But I am getting better. And things are no as bad as they once were.

 

[gigi1919]

Alot of medical 'professionals' are aggravating to deal with. As it does seem like it's more about the money they can suck from you, than helping you. No.to say there aren't those who ARE actually there to help. It just seems like there are increasingly fewer of those kinda people.

I discovered that I was potentially on the spectrum a few years ago. But I really never fully accepted it til recently. But right now I'm facing a tougher problem, which is mental health related. My schizophrenia.

I really never had many friends. Any I did claim to be 'friends', were mostly people I shared interests with. Namely videogames.

It's tough. But I am getting better. And things are no as bad as they once were.

You're absolutely right with the medical community aggravating problems.
The more the aggregate the more money they can get.
Last night going to sleep I realised that a part of me is so raw because after reading stuff about autism the articles sound sooooo horrible. Like they don't refer to people. They are dehumanising. The words pathology, abnormality, disorder are so dehumanising. Even what they write sounds so misrepresenting. They look at us by external behaviour without ever trying to understand that maybe it's largely the environment that causes these behaviours not ours.
..And finally the treatment of autists and neurodivergent that I learned about just broke my heart.
I'm grieving not just for me but for my kin. Not sure it makes sense

Schizophrenia sounds tough. I hope you will get good treatment to help you