@Loocyfer
From my perspective, it’s always better to proceed on the side of caution. So, whereas your husband either my not see those signs, or does not worry as much about them, or just is trying not to have you worry, I understand that. But, some delay and sensory things you have said need to be definitely monitored, and some things you said show either possible early signs of a such a condition, if not just definite delays.
So, for a vigilant and caring mother to think about those things, or worry about such, I think is what most nurturing caregivers are all about, or should be about. This does not mean such parents are always right about their suspicions, but if the child could talk, they likely would be thankful that you were aware of their even smaller doings and hoping milestones were monitored, and achieved, if possible.
The purpose of any attempt to get early diagnosis could be even just to understand your child more, and so as you can have others understand your child more, too, and to be aware of sensory triggers and why your child could be acting this way, why they are delayed, or why they have any quirks, restrictions or limitations. When a child cannot talk yet, and has other delays and sensitivities, it’s ok for parents to then to be more vigilant and inquiring, and wanting answers.
Autism is unique for each person who has it. Signs and symptoms do not always show up rapidly early, nor do they always progress steadily, in terms of quantity shown, frequency, and severity. Sometimes delays, signs and symptoms can seem static, whereas other times, those delays, signs or symptoms either seem temporary, fade away, or become less noticeable.
For instance, once our oldest was diagnosed at age two, we were worried he would never speak but the occasional echoed few words or so. We wrongly assumed he would not ever have social interactions, or join in with other children to play. And we assumed wrongly, that this child would never tolerate more than two to three foods. Thankfully this was not the case for him, for those cases. He talks very well now, in formal ways, and tolerates many more foods and drinks. He plays fine with children, and socializes with adults.
But, our youngest, with more moderate Autism now, as although he has great eye contact (now), cuddling desires, and many problem solving abilities, “right now” he mostly has a more static Autistic condition, with exception to slight verbal improvements the last six months, with occasional 1-2 word sayings, in attempts to communicate what he wants or sees. Otherwise, everything else, like his sensory issues, routines, behaviors, obsessions, has seemed static, the last 6-7 years.
With regards to your situation, the delays you have seen in your child regarding walking and talking, hopefully things could improve there within the next few months. It does sound like your daughter has pretty good cognitive abilities from being able to understand simple directions, and she does seem to either learn from what she sees from you by wanting to put things away herself, if not she just has that need for tidiness , structure and organization herself, which may or may not be Autistic related.
Both of our Autistic children too had and have decent eye contact, contrary to Autism stereotypes. Our oldest high functioning child never liked to be hugged until the last two years though. Now, he likes that and is very fine with such. As a baby he would resist being held, though. He kept squirming away, or locking his arms to try to prevent such. Our youngest always was fine with being held. He is very clingy to this day, yet he is very sensitive to certain textures, with him itching a lot after contact with such, and still mostly nonverbal as said, but improving.
Your daughter does seem to have many of the fears of change too, like our youngest child has. We are not sure if your daughter will grow out of that, as by pediatric standards there is a little more time to allow for that. As mentioned before, regarding our youngest though, he has lots of sensory issues, and new things scare him much, even now. For instance, new places, different lighting, new or certain pitched sounds, elevators going up, other motion like stroller rides or car rides that stop, new clothes, new cups, new traveling routes, and for him, new persons he sees. Admittedly, we as parents try to either avoid those sensory things, or provide those usual needed things, as they would cause constant meltdowns otherwise.
Hopefully too your child eventually will start to play with others instead of watch, and play with toys too, if possible later. Both our children just liked to watch, and if we would give them a toy they would either just stand it up, line it up, or stack it. In our youngest child’s case, he would also either put it in his mouth or throw it. It was not until many years later that our oldest would play with toys, or start to play with others, take turns and share. Our youngest still cannot do any of that. His desire is to still either stare, or to be pushed away in stroller, to cover his ears, or to scream. When we try to remove him from his seat to put him near others at play, he climbs back in his stroller or runs away.
We were so frustrated at the pediatrician who kept minimizing that child’s delays, behaviors, and sensory sensitivities, and for refusal to want to screen for Autism, after they knew our oldest child had it, that we kept seeing doctor after doctor, hoping one would make a referral to a specialist. They all wanted us to wait, even at age three when he still could not talk. They saw his ability to have some eye contact if diverting his attention to there, saw no atypical physical features, and basically thought we as parents were over reacting.
So, as fed up as I was with the medical establishment, I researched various testing, like ADOS-2 and another test to be discussed later. ADOS-2 which is not perfect as somewhat simplistic to me, but regardless, I performed that standard test in the US first on our own 2nd child, as the doctors locally refused to, and as our environment would be most comfortable for him to attempt such. So, I got the materials for that, and rated him very objectively, after looking at all the findings after my analysis and observations of him in this home environment with my attempts to engage with him, and for him to engage and do certain tasks and use certain materials he never or rarely did before.
His overall score of 32 rated by me, and comparison score of 10, significantly exceeded the minimum standards for a diagnosis of Autism. Although both scores moderately to severely indicated Autism, we wanted an Autism specialist to try their own testing and observations, and to look at our videos that we brought for that child of him acting and attempting things in all environments, knowing this child would likely refuse to get out of his seat at that two hour evaluation, or cry hysterically, and knowing he would likely not be receptive or able to do most types of testing there, in that new environment, with a new person present. I thought, at worst that specialist could compare this child’s signs, symptoms and any condition to the DSM-5, or attempt rating him using the ADI-R, using his observations, our materials supporting such, and those detailed videos.
I will detail the ADOS-2 test I performed in narrative style, including testing results, which I included in my last book, for my next post or two, hoping though at that time that the results would show my suspicions of Autism being unfounded, as I wanted an easier life for this child, but preparing for a high Autism score, too, and if that was the case, we would love the child the same, regardless. I am not posting this to tell you or others to perform such tests, but just to show you what such a test entails, and to show you how one child at age three, later formally diagnosed with Autism, can behave under such testing and conditions.
