Does the guy I am dating has Asperger syndrome

[paloftoon]

Hey Kate, those are definitely possibilities to put your boyfriend on the spectrum. Of course, only a professional can know for sure. But even seeing those things online, are their particular extreme social missteps or misinterpretations you notice?

I bet when you say "does not like change", you mean it in a way that you know that he has a harder time adapting to change and maybe even tries to avoid it more than most people you know would. Definitely some indicators, but not enough to know for sure.

This discussion also shows that even if a person does have such a label, there can be so many benefits to having such a "label". Also, a person with such a label should not be treated less just because of the label.

 

[Book Reader]

Mental Heath professionals are crap. Daughter said she wanted to kill herself. They took her away from us and put her in a place 400 miles away. Two weeks later we get her back. She has Aspergers. Did they test her? No! So we went to home school. Long story. Professional are crap. There is no easy test.

She has always been straight A gifted student. Put in with under privileged kids. What the hell? Home school on line and no issues. She is happy as can be. This is a middle school student. God help us all.

So can professional diagnose? No. Oh yeah, wife has Masters and taught Autism. 15 years. She knows. Professionals? Clueless.

 

[Kate992]

Hey Kate, those are definitely possibilities to put your boyfriend on the spectrum. Of course, only a professional can know for sure. But even seeing those things online, are their particular extreme social missteps or misinterpretations you notice?

I bet when you say "does not like change", you mean it in a way that you know that he has a harder time adapting to change and maybe even tries to avoid it more than most people you know would. Definitely some indicators, but not enough to know for sure.

This discussion also shows that even if a person does have such a label, there can be so many benefits to having such a "label". Also, a person with such a label should not be treated less just because of the label.

Thanks for your reply He told me he does not like changes and crowds himself. I am not sure what is difficult for him exactly. I've noticed two quite extreme social missteps. About one I told him and then he started to ask me if he said something stupid all the time.. I totally agree about treating people worse becuase of a label or anything else actually.

Mental Heath professionals are crap. Daughter said she wanted to kill herself. They took her away from us and put her in a place 400 miles away. Two weeks later we get her back. She has Aspergers. Did they test her? No! So we went to home school. Long story. Professional are crap. There is no easy test.

She has always been straight A gifted student. Put in with under privileged kids. What the hell? Home school on line and no issues. She is happy as can be. This is a middle school student. God help us all.

So can professional diagnose? No. Oh yeah, wife has Masters and taught Autism. 15 years. She knows. Professionals? Clueless.

I feel very sorry for you... I hope you doughter and whole your family is better now!

 

[Stardust Parade]

Mental Heath professionals are crap. Daughter said she wanted to kill herself. They took her away from us and put her in a place 400 miles away. Two weeks later we get her back. She has Aspergers. Did they test her? No! So we went to home school. Long story. Professional are crap. There is no easy test.

She has always been straight A gifted student. Put in with under privileged kids. What the hell? Home school on line and no issues. She is happy as can be. This is a middle school student. God help us all.

So can professional diagnose? No. Oh yeah, wife has Masters and taught Autism. 15 years. She knows. Professionals? Clueless.

Not all of them are crap. That's a blanket statement. You also aren't doing your kid any favors by home schooling her. You can't shelter her her entire life just because things get "too hard" if you except her to be an independent functioning adult one day.

 

[Tesseract]

Apart from that he is funny, talkative, he has friends, full-time job, I think he gets irony and jokes and use it himself sometimes, he's doing sports, travelling, go to music festivals, do not have issues with touch, eye contact, noises, he likes to try new foods, he has many interests (however robots is the main one), he has roommates.

What is your opinion?

In my opinion he doesn't have A.S., based upon what is within that paragraph above. An active and successful social life is one of those things that 'aspies' simply cannot have, because the intricacies involved in trying to decypher all the nuances, hints, subtle suggestions, body language, euphemistic expressions and so on that deep friendships require, are simply beyond the abilities of about 99.9% of those who have the condition (or something very similar). It is what defines a person who has either A.S. or autism.

Before I add anything else, if anyone upon seeing this comment is "offended" by the suggestion that we cannot be socially successful, well... I don't care, because it's true. It's what sets us apart from the rest. All the time, when dealing with others, we have to: a) check what we say, in case someone interprets what we say in a manner that isn't literal, and gets 'offended' by it, b) we have to be sure we haven't gone into a long monologue about our favourite subject, and are not boring the other person to the point of a nervous breakdown, c) and do our best to 'read the signs' others apparently give us all the time, and which we generally do not even suspect are there. Social dysfunction is what being an 'aspie' is all about.

Maybe your boyfriend is eccentric or quirky, but he definitely does not have Asperger's Syndrome.

 

[Aspychata]

Not all of them are crap. That's a blanket statement. You also aren't doing your kid any favors by home schooling her. You can't shelter her her entire life just because things get "too hard" if you except her to be an independent functioning adult one day.

Ouch that really hurt
l homeschooled my daughter, she was threatened by 2nd grader, and she was afraid to go to school. She also has some Asperger and BP issues now when l think back. She watched Wizard of Oz 30 times in one day, of course being Aspie, l saw nothing wrong with this at age 2.
She later could concentrate for hours on projects, sewing, video games, school presentations. We both made a birthday cake, took us four hours, and we enjoyed every minute of it. She has a hard time fitting in, but felt accepted when l found a performing arts high school to transfer from home schooling and online schools.

If l had her labeled with this and that, she may have not experienced high school as just a teenager working out the angst of the incredibly emotional hormone ride that they trample through. So l disagree, homeschooling kept up with her need to learn and bypass the poor education that our schools weren't providing. She was reading at college level by the time she entered high school. This help with comfidence level. Then l took her for driver's license, which she didn't want to get. Gave her a car, and she felt independent and more important, and this also helped with confidence. Better then me dragging her to endless doctors, and endless tests. I say homeschool served a purpose.

 

[Tesseract]

Not all of them are crap. That's a blanket statement. You also aren't doing your kid any favors by home schooling her. You can't shelter her her entire life just because things get "too hard" if you except her to be an independent functioning adult one day.

Quite often home schooling is the only real option. I often wish I myself had been home-schooled, but both of my parents were far too unintelligent to school me in anything at all, so it really wouldn't have worked out, and we were far too poor to be able to afford a private tutor.

Within school environments there are bullies (lots of them), rules that make no sense, a routine that we often cannot adapt to, boring classes, uniforms, psychopathic authority figures (a.k.a. 'teachers'), and, at the end of the day, what do we actually learn there? I'm largely self-taught myself, because I just couldn't concentrate in class, because there were too many damned distractions (ex. disruptive students who also didn't want to be there).

 

[Tom]

Maybe he is one of the things they make at the robot factory and this is an experiment? No, just kidding. Honestly this is difficult to call. He has some Aspie characteristics, but is fairly successful at negotiating social situations, so it might be something(s) else or an Aspie who has adjusted to it on his own. I lean towards him being on the spectrum but of course its just a guess on limited info. Keep an open mind and remember there is a lot of variation even in the NT population.

 

[Mary Lyn]

Not all of them are crap. That's a blanket statement. You also aren't doing your kid any favors by home schooling her. You can't shelter her her entire life just because things get "too hard" if you except her to be an independent functioning adult one day.

Kids that are home educated are far better socialised than in the schoolground jungle. They play with kids living nearby and if the parents join a home school group - even better. Studies show they turn out much better socially.