Does the guy I am dating has Asperger syndrome

[Kate992]

Hello All,
I don't know if you actually will be able to help me but over a month ago I met a guy who I like a lot and I suspect he may have ASperger's syndrome. He never had it diagnosed and never had any mental health consultation.
Why I think he may have Asperger's syndrome:
- he is very honest, he always answers honestly when I ask him something, he told me some of the stuff I will present here
- he doesn't like crowds
- he says he is melanholic sometimes
- sometimes he acts socially awkward
- he is organised and does not like changes
- once we were walking on the street in the evening and he thought that someone passing by may have a bomb and made us to go to the other side of the street (he said he heard some noice from their box (I did not hear anything and got worried he may actually be paranoid)
- he has great memory and works in robotic field
- he said he has some OCD behaviours but sometimes only
- some things he understands when I tell him
- he notices details
-he's 26 and was never dating before

Apart from that he is funny, talkative, he has friends, full-time job, I think he gets irony and jokes and use it himself sometimes, he's doing sports, travelling, go to music festivals, do not have issues with touch, eye contact, noises, he likes to try new foods, he has many interests (however robots is the main one), he has roommates.

What is your opinion?

 

[tree]

What bearing would it have if he was autistic?
What effect would that have on you? or him? or the future of a
continued relationship for the two of you?

 

[Kate992]

I think it would help me to understand some of his behaviours (if he had Asperger's syndrome)

 

[Fino]

A month isn't long enough to know all that much more than his name.
How does he go to music festivals if he doesn't like crowds?
My first thought was No, he's not, but obviously I don't know, that's just what mah brain said!

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Well none of the things you listed necessarily indicate autism, but none of them preclude autism either. Have you discussed this with him? There are a few different online tests he could do which might give some more insight into what traits he has.

 

[Reirei]

It seems like this individual is doing well. If it's a matter of trying to communicate with each other better or if he's been having issues that interfere with his life or job that you haven't mentioned, you could talk to him about going in.

Besides, the things you describe doesn't even necessarily mean that he is autistic / has aspergers (I think the DSM V got rid of the term? I could be wrong).

If there is some benefit to his life or your relationship together that could be gained by finding out, contact a professional. Otherwise, just get to know each other and enjoy the relationship and him for who he is (this last part is true regardless of if he is or isn't autistic).

 

[Book Reader]

Good luck if anyone really wanted to tested for it. At least in the US not going to happen. DSM V there is no Aspergers just High Functioning Autism. It changes as do medications they are in bed with the drug companies - per special I watched on Netflix.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Good luck if anyone really wanted to tested for it. At least in the US not going to happen. DSM V there is no Aspergers just High Functioning Autism. It changes as do medications they are in bed with the drug companies - per special I watched on Netflix.

Well if it's on Netflix it must be true.

 

[Reirei]

I don't know about the Netflix special but I think my therapist did tell me the DSM V removed aspergers. The term still gets used but not in an official capacity I think.

 

[Aspychata]

After reading posts here, l now "get it". Why he withdraws. l withdraw too, like a turtle, going into the bunker, throwing all the off switches, going to hunker down then recharge, recalibrate, and back out l go.

 

[BraidedPony]

I think it would help me to understand some of his behaviours (if he had Asperger's syndrome)

He is a person with his own likes and dislikes. There isn’t really anything to understand, just let him be himself.
Just because nothing blew up doesn’t mean there wasn’t a bomb...

 

[Fino]

Good luck if anyone really wanted to tested for it. At least in the US not going to happen. DSM V there is no Aspergers just High Functioning Autism. It changes as do medications they are in bed with the drug companies - per special I watched on Netflix.

Is it called Take Your Pills or Prescriptions Thugs? If not, what is it called?

 

[BraidedPony]

Just an aside, if I ever found a man that was honest and funny and kind I would not worry about “what is wrong with him” or waste a second on finding a label for him.
I would make him cookies and massage his feet! Lol

 

[Aspychata]

we are so fast to label everything, strip the labels, just connect the dots, bake the cookies, breathe in the sunshine

 

[Fino]

Just an aside, if I ever found a man that was honest and funny and kind I would not worry about “what is wrong with him” or waste a second on finding a label for him.
I would make him cookies and massage his feet! Lol

...but... what if he's... different?

 

[Aspychata]

It's not different, he is authentic, genuine. We are afraid to be and show our true selves for fear of being labeled different, who cares, as long as you stay of the airport's no fly list, l wouldn't sweat it.

 

[frink]

This thread is interesting to me. You could just as well be describing me in my 20s. I think I was even paranoid about bombs for a while given all the bombings that occurred. I also build robots for a living. Not into music festivals though.

I was diagnosed last year, which I sought mainly because I was curious about my past and some of the struggles I've had, particularly socially. I'm now married with kids. We are happily married, almost all the time but we still have occasional issues like any couple does. We probably both have some communication difficulties, but somehow that works for us. I secretly suspect she may also be on the spectrum somewhere, or on a spectrum closely adjacent to this defined ASD spectrum. [side rant: why aren't spectrums drawn around other groups of people?] But there's no reason to do anything, as she's happy with who she is and we are happy together. So I basically agree with everything everyone else said. He might be on the spectrum, and might not. I'd leave it as a curiosity unless there are particular issues that come up that hold things back in your relationship or for him otherwise.

 

[frink]

Oh, and I just re-read your reply above, and if you still want to understand the behaviors of Aspergers more, then I recommend Tony Attwood's Guide to Asperger's. It's a little dated given the title, but the information inside is still the gold standard as far as I know for characterization of Aspergers, now most closely aligned with the term High Functioning Autism. You can skip around the book as you wish to the different sections that are relevant to what's on your mind. It really covers a lot.

 

[Kate992]

This thread is interesting to me. You could just as well be describing me in my 20s. I think I was even paranoid about bombs for a while given all the bombings that occurred. I also build robots for a living. Not into music festivals though.

I was diagnosed last year, which I sought mainly because I was curious about my past and some of the struggles I've had, particularly socially. I'm now married with kids. We are happily married, almost all the time but we still have occasional issues like any couple does. We probably both have some communication difficulties, but somehow that works for us. I secretly suspect she may also be on the spectrum somewhere, or on a spectrum closely adjacent to this defined ASD spectrum. [side rant: why aren't spectrums drawn around other groups of people?] But there's no reason to do anything, as she's happy with who she is and we are happy together. So I basically agree with everything everyone else said. He might be on the spectrum, and might not. I'd leave it as a curiosity unless there are particular issues that come up that hold things back in your relationship or for him otherwise.

Thank you, your replies are very useful

 

[Stardust Parade]

Only a mental health professional can determine that with testing. How are we, random people on the internet, supposed to know? We're A) not mental health professionals and B) we've never met the guy.