Doctor says I need 'exposure therapy'

[grommet]

I saw doctor and she says I must start making myself go to places where there are people. She says a little at first and build to more time. I am supposed to do it every day.

Everything I do is to avoid being around people. This is the most opposite. I think this will be terribly difficult but I think my doctor is right and I agreed. She says things that bother me now will bother me less or not at all after enough exposure to them because my mind will adapt. I may not be quoting her correctly but that is I think, what she means.

 

[Mia]

Don't know if she's correct Grommet. I grew up in a large family, with lots of siblings and most of the time I wanted to get away from them. Worked at various jobs with lots of people, most of my adult life. And much of the time, I required hours of solitude afterwards to recover from the noisy environment. My husband worked nights so that he didn't have to deal as much with noise and traffic and phones and co-workers. He still stays up late, to have his quiet and solitude.
Today I was in a noisy hairdressers, with about ten people talking. I was able to endure it I suppose, but I prefer one person at a time, then I'm not so exhausted afterwards. Usually go to small establishments, stores, restaurants, in order not to encounter too many people. During quiet hours, like mealtimes, at night, when these places are not busy. Perhaps it would be good to start 'exposure' one person at a time.

 

[grommet]

Don't know if she's correct Grommet. I grew up in a large family, with lots of siblings and most of the time I wanted to get away from them. Worked at various jobs with lots of people, most of my adult life. And much of the time, I required hours of solitude afterwards to recover from the noisy environment. My husband worked nights so that he didn't have to deal as much with noise and traffic and phones and co-workers. He still stays up late, to have his quiet and solitude.
Today I was in a noisy hairdressers, with about ten people talking. I was able to endure it I suppose, but I prefer one person at a time, then I'm not so exhausted afterwards. Usually go to small establishments, stores, restaurants, in order not to encounter too many people. During quiet hours, like mealtimes, at night, when these places are not busy. Perhaps it would be good to start 'exposure' one person at a time.

Thank you Mia. I am not sure what I should do. I have been avoiding people and noisy social situations and it has been feeling even more difficult when I need to be in those situations. She thinks if I can dose myself with increments of forced social exposure I will feel better. It has gotten bad enough that I have hardly been leaving home so I need to get better.

I am not afraid of open spaces or traffic or noise. I am afraid of people. I can't predict what they will do and what they do doesn't make sense to me and usually besides confusing me, hurts my feelings. I wake up early, 0430, go to bed early and often unplug the phone so I don't have to hear people's voices or have them ask me questions I cannot understand. Sometimes if feels like .. no maybe it is not a feeling. I hear people talking and I understand all the words but whenever they stop talking I don't have any understanding of what they were expressing. They don't make sense when they talk.

My partner is aspie too and we say things very clearly, like "I do not want that." But people aren't like that. They scream and show angry faces but while they are laughing. I don't know what that means. I hear women scream and think they are in grave danger but then I hear them laughing. Sometimes I ask a person why they feel the way they just explained and they say they didn't mean it, they were "just talking". I do not know what that means.

I have made my response too long. I am very nervous, too much anxiety every day. My doctor thinks if I go out and am more social it will help me be calmer when I am alone. On my own I am not improving so I think I must take her advice.

 

[OkRad]

I kinda agree with Mia. I prefered to be alone and then forced myself into the world, thinking it was best. I was just targeted . Abused. Beat up and stuff. AND what you said is so true and how you described that was beautiful People talk and you have no idea what they just said. They say what they do not mean and what they say and how they act are totally differnt.

They are obscured and obscure. I would stay away and I try to. Only NOW, after all this the NTs put me thru, now I need some input now and then, got used to it. IWsh I could go back to being happy alone or just with fmaily, but now I cannot.

 

[wadorama]

I have no medical degree (far from it!) but am also skeptical of the advice you were given. Your social tolerance sounds very similar to mine. I look at it like a battery that discharges in the presence of others and needs alone time to recharge. Be that introversion or spectrum, it is a reality for me that exposure doesn't seem to change.

 

[Ambi]

I saw doctor and she says I must start making myself go to places where there are people. She says a little at first and build to more time. I am supposed to do it every day.

Everything I do is to avoid being around people. This is the most opposite. I think this will be terribly difficult but I think my doctor is right and I agreed. She says things that bother me now will bother me less or not at all after enough exposure to them because my mind will adapt. I may not be quoting her correctly but that is I think, what she means.

I am reading a book that recommends this.....I don't know. I ended up in the "exposure" situation quite a lot - and YES....it means I am better able to cope with things now than before, but it simultaneously caused massive anxiety that I think itself had long-term effects. I do think that for NTs exposure therapy may mean the problems can resolve more, but for Aspies, I think that we need to always be aware of how to take breaks, get away, protect our alone time - instead of being like a thing that stretches and stretches more and more till it's super stretchy, I've read (and agree) that Aspies stretch, and then if we stretch too much, we break. And those break points leave us weaker, not stronger - we can tie a knot to mend the rubber band, but it will always be weaker. Had I known that, I would have focused on being much gentler on myself in terms of "exposure" and I would have placed much more importance on having the right supports in place to help me through the process.

 

[grommet]

I am reading a book that recommends this.....I don't know. I ended up in the "exposure" situation quite a lot - and YES....it means I am better able to cope with things now than before, but it simultaneously caused massive anxiety that I think itself had long-term effects. I do think that for NTs exposure therapy may mean the problems can resolve more, but for Aspies, I think that we need to always be aware of how to take breaks, get away, protect our alone time - instead of being like a thing that stretches and stretches more and more till it's super stretchy, I've read (and agree) that Aspies stretch, and then if we stretch too much, we break. And those break points leave us weaker, not stronger - we can tie a knot to mend the rubber band, but it will always be weaker. Had I known that, I would have focused on being much gentler on myself in terms of "exposure" and I would have placed much more importance on having the right supports in place to help me through the process.

Then what should I do? When I go out I am .. I take in all the lights and sounds and movement and colors. My brain seems buzzing with it all even after I am alone again and I need a lot of time to make it settle. But I have been having worse anxiety even though I am having fewer of these things I find stressful.

I am only using a few variables in my equation but I am thinking, 1. I decreased exposure to external stress 2. For a while I felt better, then my anxiety grew despite the quiet time alone. I conclude (weakly) that this means that without enough outside stimuli I am creating my own stress and have not solved my problem on my own. If my planning has not worked (assumption) I should listen to someone else. My doctor has authority so I will trust her.

That is my thinking, I am not saying that any of it is correct. Simply, I am having what feels like an increase in anxiety and it has reached a level that I am suffering so I want change. With no further ideas on my own I am taking my doctor's advice about exposure therapy. I am open to other advice as well. I only want to do what's best. I do so much want to feel better. I am embarrassed am I am grown and still capable of so little but I try as hard as I can.

 

[kay]

Exposure helped my anxiety but did nothing for the rest. After three months I saw no more improvement but continued to try until I had a complete burnout/breakdown three years later that took forever to get over. I'd suggest try it but be careful not to push yourself too hard. Of course I tried all that exposure before my aspergers diagnosis and it was the burnout/breakdown that led to me getting that. Now I know more about what is anxiety and what isn't. If you are careful it might be help. I think learning more about why people say and do what they do and keeping the exposure to quieter people, not too crowded, ect...I tried the wrong types of exposure (too much church, pubs, very popular Meetups). And with no ear plugs. Too much exposure. Go for small doses and don't go too far with it otherwise you could get more anxiety. Sorry, that is a cluttered up bit of advice. What I am trying to say is try a small , quiet coffee place or library and continue to avoid pubs and super extroverted social groups. Or something like that.

 

[Ambi]

When I was tackling social anxiety, I personally needed anti-anxiety medication. That enabled me to withstand the exposure while still being able to apply new socializing techniques I was learning. Then, I got used to the exposure and no longer felt anxiety with those things once I got off of the medication. Not saying this is what you should do, but just giving my own experience. But as for exposure - you must get into a discomfort zone, but don't just white knuckle it, find coping mechanisms and know how to make escapes as needed - all of that should be a part of the exposure experience. And perhaps as you continue, you will need less and less frequent escapes, while your coping mechanisms become stronger and stronger.

 

[Streetwise]

I saw doctor and she says I must start making myself go to places where there are people. She says a little at first and build to more time. I am supposed to do it every day.

Everything I do is to avoid being around people. This is the most opposite. I think this will be terribly difficult but I think my doctor is right and I agreed. She says things that bother me now will bother me less or not at all after enough exposure to them because my mind will adapt. I may not be quoting her correctly but that is I think, what she means.

I remember an episode of the dog whisperer long time ago he said if you can't walk the dog( what he always teaches you is that it's you that are the problem not the dog, he watches the dog and in the next episode he realised you shouldn't just take it out for a whole walk! which could be five minutes or 10 minutes, take it out for a minute and then take it back and then go out again for a minute , nature doesn't do things as quickly as theory does ,The thing is we do think differently exposure therapy doesn't have to be an hour It can be second it's right that you would gradually it , what you did before is called flooding a psychologist will tell you to only try that if they are with you! as it's a lot of pressure at once,do it gradually as you can cope with,so stand outside for a second if you think you can stand outside longer do it It can be a second it's right that you would gradually do it as you can cope One thing to do is mindfulness focusing on something makes you feel calm,panicking makes everything worse and mindfulness helps panicking greatly ,another thing i've started doing it consciously being still and breathing,I hold my breath a lot and I realised I enjoy breathing, it's what I've been wanting all the time ,it sounds strange but if you've done it for years not breathing has become natural .

 

[Butterfly88]

Do you leave the house much? If not she might just want to get you out into the world, whether it be shopping, socializing, or something else. I find it important to be able to shop. I also socialize with other aspies in an aspie social group. I find not being isolated is important but just jumping into a neurotypical social group may be difficult, I know it is for me. As Ambi said, meds have helped my social anxiety too. I don't think there's a quick standard answer for everyone. You also have to be happy in the long run, which could include being uncomfortable at first but I see no benefit of doing something that continually makes you uncomfortable, though some would argue you wouldn't know until you try a little. I think you should try little bits of things to try to improve your life, things that would make you happy. I sort of think "exposure therapy" is not the best choice of terms, rather personal growth would be more like it.

 

[LucyPurrs]

Then what should I do? When I go out I am .. I take in all the lights and sounds and movement and colors. My brain seems buzzing with it all even after I am alone again and I need a lot of time to make it settle. But I have been having worse anxiety even though I am having fewer of these things I find stressful.

I am only using a few variables in my equation but I am thinking, 1. I decreased exposure to external stress 2. For a while I felt better, then my anxiety grew despite the quiet time alone. I conclude (weakly) that this means that without enough outside stimuli I am creating my own stress and have not solved my problem on my own. If my planning has not worked (assumption) I should listen to someone else. My doctor has authority so I will trust her.

That is my thinking, I am not saying that any of it is correct. Simply, I am having what feels like an increase in anxiety and it has reached a level that I am suffering so I want change. With no further ideas on my own I am taking my doctor's advice about exposure therapy. I am open to other advice as well. I only want to do what's best. I do so much want to feel better. I am embarrassed am I am grow
n and still capable of so little but I try as hard as I can.

Wondering if meditation might be helpful to calm down after limited exposure.What do others think?

 

[OlLiE]

any improvement is a improvement, even if it only relieves a bit of the stress of being around people

it doesn't cost anything but effort, so what have you got to lose

 

[Streetwise]

Wondering if meditation might be helpful to calm down after limited exposure.What do others think?

Depends on how long you meditate for I have severe anxiety and meditating is very hard as the involuntary part of your brain has taken over when you're anxiety is at the worst that's what's good about mindfulness as you're using your eyesight as well and when your anxiety is a problem combining it with your eyesight gives relief much quicker meditation is mainly thinking concentrating on thought less stimulated by the external

 

[SusanLR]

IWsh I could go back to being happy alone or just with fmaily, but now I cannot.

How I feel also.

My therapist started me out the same way: Exposure therapy, but, the flooding kind.
The anxiety was horrible.

I have severe anxiety what ever I am doing.
Alone at home, ( never got used to it), or out in restaurants, shopping, and driving.
Just being too far away from my comfort zone,
(which now I don't really have) since I started living with a houseshare type of relationship.

I have had to learn a balance in the exposure therapy of being with people. The 'flooding' didn't work.
Over the past 5 years I have gradually increased my time out in crowds by shopping or eating out.
I am better at it now, but, the anxiety never really ends.
Still I can feel a little more at ease than 5 years ago.

Driving and travelling too far beyond what used to be my comfort zone (home) has also gradually improved.
I still feel anxious and stressed and might have a panic attack. But, overall that has improved.
Gradual was the key. And don't force it on days you don't feel well or feel anxious even at home.
When I over do it because circumstances force me to do more than I want, I go to my zone and rest.
I enjoy soundscape music not very loud. Just enough to focus on. I sleep if I'm physically worn out from it all.
If it takes a day or two to feel better then I will go back for more exposure.

Now that I don't have my family or my own home to make a true comfort zone creates a restorative time difficulty. For even in my area of the house I am always aware I should be on good behaviour to avoid being told to hit the road and when with the other person that I live with who owns the house is around, I can't just be myself or relax as I never know when he's going to bring me down with a fit of anger or a personal put down.

 

[Suzanne]

It may work for you, but it certainly never worked for me and that was from my own thought pattern. Perhaps I NEED to be around people more, so that I will get used to it, but in fact, the complete opposite happened. Too overwhelming and would shut down. I did not know about aspergers then.

I do, however find that if I have no choice, I can cope in a situation that I would never usually be able to cope.

 

[pjcnet]

As long as you take it in small manageable steps it should help, it is likely to be challenging, but it's also likely to get better with practice and experience. I've read of other people who are sceptical, but perhaps they tried to bite off more than they could chew before they were ready, also if there's a meltdown it doesn't necessarily mean you should give up. You may find it a little easier if you have someone with you that you know well and trust too, at least at first. It's not great for me and it will never be perfect, but I can go to familiar places with people at least. I wish you the best of luck and please feel free to keep us updated.

 

[Kirsty]

Does anyone else find that if you do go out regularly by yourself to places, the neighbours and people around you will start thinking you’re weird always being alone that it stops you from going out at times?

 

[Clintpauljohnson]

I saw doctor and she says I must start making myself go to places where there are people. She says a little at first and build to more time. I am supposed to do it every day.

Everything I do is to avoid being around people. This is the most opposite. I think this will be terribly difficult but I think my doctor is right and I agreed. She says things that bother me now will bother me less or not at all after enough exposure to them because my mind will adapt. I may not be quoting her correctly but that is I think, what she means.

Serenity prayer. Cognitive therapy using exposure works great.

 

[Streetwise]

Does anyone else find that if you do go out regularly by yourself to places, the neighbours and people around you will start thinking you’re weird always being alone that it stops you from going out at times?

No I've never suffered that particular form of crap,I had suffered insinuations because I was with my mother all the time that I had chosen a certain type of lifestyle obviously children had learned it from their parents but their parents didn't verbally abuse us with that by shouting at us in the street,at the time there wasn't such a thing as a hate crime so the police found it funny that we were verbally abused